the deal with religion and why i'm ticked off

I looked forwarded to today, or i dreaded today, ever since i talked with my bestfriend/roommate from college whose lightening speed marriage proposal happened 3 days ago. We had a plan to meet up, and we did, for lunch today.

It was awkward at first, she showed me the ring, and although i had not gotten a lot of sleep last night, i feigned excitement. I honestly dont care much for the ring, or ANY ring, i think i was more anxious to know WHY. I am not the crazy possessive kind of single girlfriends. i dont mind that people are in love, i think there should be more of it in the world. Love makes the world go around. but i want to see people HAPPY in love.

the thing is, the longer time you spend being single, the more you have time to figure out yourself, and what you want in a partner, and what you want out of life. And sometimes, you probably end up spending way too much time that, nobody quite fits that criteria. before you know it, you're at that age where you have to say yes to every invitation to every random waiter/stranger on the street/at the coffeeshop/at the restaurant just to increase your chance of marriage and not be called "too picky".

Anyway, I was so angry after our lunch date today. because first of all, we have been best friends for years, and she had always joked about asking me to be her maid of honor when she does it, and today she asked me to be her bridesmaid. I mean, it's her wedding, she has whatever right she has to choose whoever she wants. I dont blame her. But the fact that she's been so involved with her church for the past 1.5 year has totally transformed her. I was with her every step of the way, when she got with her last bf, when they broke up, when we were both single for a long time, and now she's said yes to her bf of only 7 months. (and she defended it by saying, they already liked each other 6 months before that, when he was OVERSEA in IRAQ). and he KNEW that he had wanted to propose after 4 months of being together.

call me old-fashioned. but 4 months is hardly time enought to really KNOW someone.

but you know what, having a common religion is probably going to solve any problem that comes their way. i have total faith in their relationship and marriage, even though i've only met the guy 6 months ago before they even got together. and next time i see him he's her fiancee.

my bestfriend/roommate ended up asking this girl from her church who she consulted a lot during her relationsihp to be her maid of honor. just because. I don tknow if she sensed my feelings at all (apparently not). i agreed to be her bridesmaid of course, but this speaks volumes about how she valued her friendship. church above all. i am going to be the only person of her 7 bridesmaids who is from her past (before the church).

and then we got into conversations about how she didn't think two people with different reiligions wouldn't work. i was already ticked at this point so i defended by saying it depends on how receptive the NON CHRISTIAN is of the other person's religion. and she was saying that because everyone SINNED...and apparently there's some chapters in the bible about how a husband/wife should behave. (i fucking flipped in my head).

i continued to be angry after i got home. we are still good friends and we talked about other things as well during the meal. I tried to toned my disapproval to the lowest volume i could, because i know it's important to her. i think i'm just dissappointed. it's bothered me since she converted that she dissaproves what i do (drinking anything alcoholic, going out at night --yes, because i do that how often? once every 2 months, and i only have allowed myself to get sick twice by accident, but i'm sinful, apparently).

I used to attend a catholic school, and loved it when i was a kid, and even now still occasionally when i feel weak i pray a little, even though my parents also brought me up buddhist. the more i meet people who are devout christian, the more i cannot rediscover my faith. all that i've seen is that they use religion as a means to judge people, to discriminate gay people, to make choices for people (about abortion), to shut people out (by creating their own community), to look down on people (if you're not christian you go to hell-- yeah, even the once messed-up born again christian can tell you that).

i am sad/angry at the same time. but i'm probably not going to write her and tell her. because it's her life. if her life is more fulfilling drifting apart from me, then i'm sure that's what she's chosen to become.

somehow the Jesus and God i know from kindergarden are not the same anymore.