today's my second day to be home in tpe.and I'm waiting up super early prolly due to the jetlag. It's actually not so bad since I get to see the sunrise in tpe through the window.
Just found out last night that my mom was serious about setting me up with the son of her friend. and the worst part is that she's made it this coming weekend, and both the son and HIS MOM and my mom and I are going to be there. I never am a big fan of set-up dinners/lunches, not to mention having it with each other's parents. Because she had agreed to the deal so i can't back out. But really the idea is making me nauseas a little bit. Since my poor sister has been back ( a week before me), i think she's set her up two two really old men who probably have absolutely nothing in common with my sister. And of course these old farts (and i mean forty somethings) were slobbering all over my sister because what are the chances that they would ever talk to someone pretty in her 20s again. So of course they showed high interest and my sister is kinda not feeling it with these men who are closer in age to our dad than to us. And when i tried to defend my sister's choice my mom gets angry about us being picky (not true). it's just a sad fact that when you're quickly approaching your 30s your parents sometimes go through this crazy phase of trying to marry you off, regardless of how disgusting the other party is as long as you're not an old maid anymore. What they dont' realize is, there's really not that many single available likeable guys out there. and my mom keeps saying that when we come back in a few years no guys will want to be set-up with a 30 something anymore. well, THAT'S FINE WITH ME. i think it bothers her more than it bothers me. If someone's so shallow and ageist that he refuses to date people closer to his own age, it probably means that he isn't comfortable with himself anyway. either that he is a pedophile, or he doesn't have enough confidence to date someone who matches his experience and education. And I'm fine with that fact, as long as he isn't going out with me. Men who are like that will always be able to find petite naive cuties to go out with. I hate to sound like a jaded old woman but i really dont need that to complicate my life.
I am realizing that my 'pie' is getting smaller and smaller and at this rate it might be REAL hard to find someone who i actually like. and as much as i hate the idea i'm willing to just go hang out with someone one-on-one without the presence of his parent. I'm sure the other person wonders the same about me to: a 26 year old something with no prospect of a boyfriend who is so desperate that she needs to be set up by her mom. But i think if both parents are there it wil make the situation worse. Just cuz my mom really planned to have lunch with us, and then leave us to some coffeeshop to continue a 4-hour conversation (what happened to my poor sister last time). well, for one, i DO NOT with to spend more than 2 hrs with someone i meet for the first time, and i DO NOT carry 4-hour conversations with people, period. unless i really like them and have known them for a while. It's really hard to keep the conversation that entertaining. can't we just make it short and sweet and if we do want to hang out then we'll hang out again? the idea is sooooo repulsive to me....
My somewhat dellussional mom tends to think that me and my sister put work above everything else and that we are socially inept to actually tie down any real lads. As opposed to my little sister who gets any guy of her choice and tends to go out with anyone who looks half decent. Well, for one, i put my career first because i'm at that point (graduation) that i really need to start thinking seriously about a job and not a future husband who may or may not happen, and secondly, i kinda worked really hard for my degree, so i'd hate to see all that go to waste, and lastly, it's not like i have someone who i love and who i reject because of work. I really just havne't met anyone who i'd like to go out with, so the solid, tangibl things to work on are my interviews. i'd feel a lot better after i've landed a job. and to say the least i do not lack social skills. i probably have more than all of that combined from my mom and my aunties who have lectured me over the years about being single. Well, back in the day you can have the social skill of a bean and still land a husband. i have to hold real hard jobs and go to company functions longer than any of you have during your single years (since i have been single longer), so do not lecture me about being socially closed off. some people just aren't lucky in love. and maybe i just dont feel like going clubbing all the time like some people i know and just hook up with people until we get sick of each other. However i really feel that that's what will make me look 'marketable' these days even in the eyes of my parent's generation.
I've realized that, from the last couple times i hung out with girls who tend to be popular that, they do flirty little things to string guys along. they brush up against their arms, sort of half lying on his shoulder when something is outrageously funny, and wear tight-ass clothes. I dont have a problem with people doing that. I know that's what guys would love to see but it has nothing to do with me. I like that i dont do any of that stuff. i dont like sending out mixed messages of touch guys who i'm not interested in, i dont wear revealing clothes in the winter because if butt-freezing cold out and i'd like to stay H1N1-free. i like the way i am and the way i look and the lack of marketability i have because that's what makes me unique and not like any of the trampy girls out there who put facebook pictures with their ta-tas out. but apparently even my own mom doesn't agree with me.
ok, you can tell that i'm in a somewhat upset mood....;) sorry!
2010年2月20日 星期六
Still anxious. but what the heck. :P
I finally decided that I would go home home to TW tomorrow. And thank god they squeezed out one last ticket for tomorrow so I am able to leave. I decided that I want to catch the end of Chinese new year. Because it's just getting too sad and stressful here with all the crazy anxious thoughts in my head. It's actually pretty unhealthy for me to be thinking it over and over while not having anything solid to work on. At least when i had rotation I could destract myself temporarily by doing what i was supposed to be doing but now that I am off, i sort of spend every waking moment panicking.
A quick update:
My interview at BMS actually went really well (I think). Well, I was really tired because i woke up at 630am (330am LA time) so my brain was in a blur. But i managed to pull myself together. I could just feel that it was taking me longer to answer questions. well, not as long as as 5 seconds but longer. Whereas before I could follow with a perfectly orchestrated answer, this time i actually "thought" before I answered. But overall I think they were pleased with my performance. I was also very impressed with the proactive role of the department. They actually give the fellow a lot of responsibility and allow you to work with departments to get as much experience as possible. And although the job title isn't glamorous, the new director is actually very ambitious about taking it to the next level and making things more 'strategic". which i like very much. Also the products i will be working on would be in the cardiovascular/diabetes sector, so that's definitely a great place to start out. and they provide you with opportunities to go to conferences and to shadow their medical science liaisons and to talk to the healthcare providers. These are definitely opportunities that are hard to come by. Definitely will be hard to say no if it does happen. We will see about that.
The only thing I have to get over is the distance.
however i must say whether it happens or not, i really do enjoy the star treatment of being flown out and lodging/pick up service provided. It will be a long long time until i will get this kinda treatment. i dont find it hard at all, the traveling. in fact i enjoy it a lot. being at diff airports, talking to diff people, staying at different hotels on my own and enjoying the room delivery, having someone hold a sign with my name on it when i get off the plane. i think that was partly why i was somewhat distraught when i was rejected by the other two companies last time for very vain reasons such as these.
Lastly, a very pleasant surprise. After my 24-hr whirwind visit to NJ, i realized my flight back to LA would land at 5pm, a TERRIBLE time for LA traffic. since i parked my car at the airport parking lot, i decided to spend a little more time on the westside until the traffic dies down. So I gave my cousin a call. And she happened to be free so i dropped by her apt. then i played with the baby for a good half and hour before i went to japanese with my cousin. then due to the lateness/rain of the night my cousin actually offered to have me stay over. I gladly obliged...more time with the baby. ;) SO CUTE! Definitely a good way to end my travel-filled panic-filled week....can i PLEASE have a permanent baby in the house who doesn't grow up who I can come home to each day?
A quick update:
My interview at BMS actually went really well (I think). Well, I was really tired because i woke up at 630am (330am LA time) so my brain was in a blur. But i managed to pull myself together. I could just feel that it was taking me longer to answer questions. well, not as long as as 5 seconds but longer. Whereas before I could follow with a perfectly orchestrated answer, this time i actually "thought" before I answered. But overall I think they were pleased with my performance. I was also very impressed with the proactive role of the department. They actually give the fellow a lot of responsibility and allow you to work with departments to get as much experience as possible. And although the job title isn't glamorous, the new director is actually very ambitious about taking it to the next level and making things more 'strategic". which i like very much. Also the products i will be working on would be in the cardiovascular/diabetes sector, so that's definitely a great place to start out. and they provide you with opportunities to go to conferences and to shadow their medical science liaisons and to talk to the healthcare providers. These are definitely opportunities that are hard to come by. Definitely will be hard to say no if it does happen. We will see about that.
The only thing I have to get over is the distance.
however i must say whether it happens or not, i really do enjoy the star treatment of being flown out and lodging/pick up service provided. It will be a long long time until i will get this kinda treatment. i dont find it hard at all, the traveling. in fact i enjoy it a lot. being at diff airports, talking to diff people, staying at different hotels on my own and enjoying the room delivery, having someone hold a sign with my name on it when i get off the plane. i think that was partly why i was somewhat distraught when i was rejected by the other two companies last time for very vain reasons such as these.
Lastly, a very pleasant surprise. After my 24-hr whirwind visit to NJ, i realized my flight back to LA would land at 5pm, a TERRIBLE time for LA traffic. since i parked my car at the airport parking lot, i decided to spend a little more time on the westside until the traffic dies down. So I gave my cousin a call. And she happened to be free so i dropped by her apt. then i played with the baby for a good half and hour before i went to japanese with my cousin. then due to the lateness/rain of the night my cousin actually offered to have me stay over. I gladly obliged...more time with the baby. ;) SO CUTE! Definitely a good way to end my travel-filled panic-filled week....can i PLEASE have a permanent baby in the house who doesn't grow up who I can come home to each day?
2010年2月17日 星期三
interview today
Today is my interview day with the company I did a rotation with. It went smoothly, for the most part. i was really glad to see some familiar faces. And in general I feel pretty good about this interview. Of course, at this point of the game, I learned not to have too high of expectation of anything. Just because i did a rotation there doesn't mean much. Of course it gives me an advantage, but from what my boss told me today, NINE other people from my class also applied, not including students from other schools. So yes, this year is BAD.
For the most part, my old boss and the other guy on my team made it very easy for me. We didn't even really go over interview questions. I gave them an update about my life thusfar, and they were really supportive of me and answered every question i had. I could tell that from my 6 weeks there they really liked my performance, but ultimately the decision isn't in their hands. When i come back for the second interview I will be giving a presentation like with other companies, to the top 2 directors of the division. I am fine with giving presentations. But the fact that I haven't received any offers for the other positions I applied for definitely makes me doubt my own ability. I used to think i do a decent job, but if i really was that good, how could i have not gotten any offers? It must mean that someone out there does a even hotter job (see? self doubt already).
I could feel myself getting my nervous with each interview. Supposedly I should have more practice now and should be better at it. But because this is pretty late into the game, there's more at stake now. It's more like Baxter vs. Bristol Myers Squibb vs. unemployment. and looking at the economy right now with each time i interview it is very likely i will end up with unemployment for a while. so the urgency actually made me a 'worse' interviewee now since I have begun to feel more nervous. Even this morning when I woke up i felt jittery. And this is with people I already know!
My next predicament is that, with my next interview at BMS, I will likely find out about the result next week. whether good or bad, I will find out before the 2nd round of baxter interview even happens. that forces me to make a decision right away. Of course, if they didn't choose me, that makes the equation so much easier. but if they did, it's liek i practically will have to turn everyone down in order to wait in vain for baxter's decision. And remember, i'm going against 9+ people (at least).
My concern with BMS is that, it is with a division i want to work with less. and it's far. and it's not in a metropolitan area. so it's basically the thousand oaks of nyc if i have to come up with an analogy. anyway, still lots of questions to be answered. But I suppose we will find out.
In any case, I should really just wait until I get an offer from BMS before I start to stress. I tend to get ahead of myself a lot. At this point I really want to just be done with my interviews so i can go home to tw.
For the most part, my old boss and the other guy on my team made it very easy for me. We didn't even really go over interview questions. I gave them an update about my life thusfar, and they were really supportive of me and answered every question i had. I could tell that from my 6 weeks there they really liked my performance, but ultimately the decision isn't in their hands. When i come back for the second interview I will be giving a presentation like with other companies, to the top 2 directors of the division. I am fine with giving presentations. But the fact that I haven't received any offers for the other positions I applied for definitely makes me doubt my own ability. I used to think i do a decent job, but if i really was that good, how could i have not gotten any offers? It must mean that someone out there does a even hotter job (see? self doubt already).
I could feel myself getting my nervous with each interview. Supposedly I should have more practice now and should be better at it. But because this is pretty late into the game, there's more at stake now. It's more like Baxter vs. Bristol Myers Squibb vs. unemployment. and looking at the economy right now with each time i interview it is very likely i will end up with unemployment for a while. so the urgency actually made me a 'worse' interviewee now since I have begun to feel more nervous. Even this morning when I woke up i felt jittery. And this is with people I already know!
My next predicament is that, with my next interview at BMS, I will likely find out about the result next week. whether good or bad, I will find out before the 2nd round of baxter interview even happens. that forces me to make a decision right away. Of course, if they didn't choose me, that makes the equation so much easier. but if they did, it's liek i practically will have to turn everyone down in order to wait in vain for baxter's decision. And remember, i'm going against 9+ people (at least).
My concern with BMS is that, it is with a division i want to work with less. and it's far. and it's not in a metropolitan area. so it's basically the thousand oaks of nyc if i have to come up with an analogy. anyway, still lots of questions to be answered. But I suppose we will find out.
In any case, I should really just wait until I get an offer from BMS before I start to stress. I tend to get ahead of myself a lot. At this point I really want to just be done with my interviews so i can go home to tw.
2010年2月16日 星期二
another thing(s) that contributed to my pessimism toward guys
So for our little V-day celebration amongst as singletons, we went for
the Corkbar:
http://www.corkbar.com/
and Seven Grand
http://www.sevengrand.la/
to celebrate(or cry about our sorrows). We celebrated prematurely on the 13th, because 14th people will be busy celebrating chinese nye or whatnot.
the bars were indeed very fun to be at. The Corkbar had a great selection of wines, so we tried a couple of whites and reds, paired with some bar food/sandwiches. The interior decor was nice and cozy. You basically sit on this plank of wood with pillows on them, while the ceilings are highrise with windows from floor to ceiling, almost giving you a so-ho feel as if you're in the chic-est part of nyc. Senven and Grand is this other downtown bar in LA that almost makes you feel like you walked into a cigar bar accidentally. Lots of people and lots of interesting decors (like deer heads hanging on the wall). I am guessing they haven't renovated this place since the 50s.
It was good catching up with friends i haven't seen in a while due to rotations. We each bitc*ed about our rotations, our preceptors, our medicine teams, our patients. then one of my friends started talking about how about 6 guys hit on her during the past 2 months... well, the thing is, i think all my girlfriends are pretty attractive and they get approached by guys constantly. The same applies for my own family members as well. I get hit on like, once in a blue moon (and that guy is usually pretty blind). But these people get it like it's air and water. from all my past experiences at the hospital I absolutely felt like a ghost on the floor, coming in and out of the nursing unit with no one really stops and asks how you are (apparently they were all busy reading patient's chart or xray or something). And then my friend was telling me about her chatting with her attending on facebook, all of them going to grand rounds (noon time lectures) together, getting food together, meeting up after rotation, the mild flirtations going on. and then that's another "bite me" moments (see Monica in one episode of Friends) for me. so i guess being professional isn't enough, i gotta throw in a little cuteness at work and llightly brush up against my attending's arm and add them on facebook. (or better yet, just get a plastic surgery to change the way i look-- too bad i'm happy with the way I am).
So me and my other friend both agreed that what she did was extremely unprofessional (becuase my pretty friend was whining about how she got ding'ed by her preceptor for being too friendly with her team and acting unprofessional). I held my tongue about it but my friend flat out called her actions nonprofessional as well (I'm guessing my pretty friend was really hoping by telling us she would get some kind of validation).
and then, during her bathroom break, the med student at our table asked us if it would be a good idea to ask for my pretty friends number. Hello? were you not there during the past 2 hrs hearing those stories? he would have to kill all of his other competitions and come out on top in order to win her heart. My friend warned him about my pretty friend being very princessy while we were all on a trip together, but apparently that didn't bother him at all. so finally when we hit the second bar he shifted into action.
So, the moral of the story is, like i've reiterated many times before, that nobody needs to change to be a better person. we can all stay exactly the way we are, hoever horrible, bossy, sarcastic we are, because if someone likes you and you are attractive enough nothing else matters. you dont need to humble yourself to make yourself down to earth or hang like 'one of the boys' or read more books to be more literal. Heck, i can probalby burn all my pharmacy books and read Cosmo for the rest of my life. my younger sis goes out parties all the time and she always claims that she looks better than my other pretty sister, she thinks all of her bfs will never do better because she's the prettiest they ever dated, and she can't even write a one-page paper without making major grammatical mistakes (which i have to correct for her). and guys hit on her on a daily basis like there is no other woman in this world.
Story 2: guy friend #2 who complained incessantly to me over the past years finally met a girl online. And after Vday he wants to dump her. Reason: she's a bad dresser, she doesn't want to go out and do anything, she has bad skin. and he's calling the other girls in my class a 8 or a 9 and was completely in awe when he found out that these 9's have recently become single (that includes my pretty friend). Well,i'm guessing that he already knew his gf's fashion sense and bad skin upton meeting her, so why that comes as the newest revelation i have no idea.
this is why i focus on my career. i can never change the way i look or dress Ho-y because there will always be girls who look prettier and look 10 x Ho-yer when I go out. I dress for myself. if that means i will have no luck with guys for the many years to come i can't change that fact. i have no doubt in my mind that i literally just committed myself to another 10 years of singleness.
the Corkbar:
http://www.corkbar.com/
and Seven Grand
http://www.sevengrand.la/
to celebrate(or cry about our sorrows). We celebrated prematurely on the 13th, because 14th people will be busy celebrating chinese nye or whatnot.
the bars were indeed very fun to be at. The Corkbar had a great selection of wines, so we tried a couple of whites and reds, paired with some bar food/sandwiches. The interior decor was nice and cozy. You basically sit on this plank of wood with pillows on them, while the ceilings are highrise with windows from floor to ceiling, almost giving you a so-ho feel as if you're in the chic-est part of nyc. Senven and Grand is this other downtown bar in LA that almost makes you feel like you walked into a cigar bar accidentally. Lots of people and lots of interesting decors (like deer heads hanging on the wall). I am guessing they haven't renovated this place since the 50s.
It was good catching up with friends i haven't seen in a while due to rotations. We each bitc*ed about our rotations, our preceptors, our medicine teams, our patients. then one of my friends started talking about how about 6 guys hit on her during the past 2 months... well, the thing is, i think all my girlfriends are pretty attractive and they get approached by guys constantly. The same applies for my own family members as well. I get hit on like, once in a blue moon (and that guy is usually pretty blind). But these people get it like it's air and water. from all my past experiences at the hospital I absolutely felt like a ghost on the floor, coming in and out of the nursing unit with no one really stops and asks how you are (apparently they were all busy reading patient's chart or xray or something). And then my friend was telling me about her chatting with her attending on facebook, all of them going to grand rounds (noon time lectures) together, getting food together, meeting up after rotation, the mild flirtations going on. and then that's another "bite me" moments (see Monica in one episode of Friends) for me. so i guess being professional isn't enough, i gotta throw in a little cuteness at work and llightly brush up against my attending's arm and add them on facebook. (or better yet, just get a plastic surgery to change the way i look-- too bad i'm happy with the way I am).
So me and my other friend both agreed that what she did was extremely unprofessional (becuase my pretty friend was whining about how she got ding'ed by her preceptor for being too friendly with her team and acting unprofessional). I held my tongue about it but my friend flat out called her actions nonprofessional as well (I'm guessing my pretty friend was really hoping by telling us she would get some kind of validation).
and then, during her bathroom break, the med student at our table asked us if it would be a good idea to ask for my pretty friends number. Hello? were you not there during the past 2 hrs hearing those stories? he would have to kill all of his other competitions and come out on top in order to win her heart. My friend warned him about my pretty friend being very princessy while we were all on a trip together, but apparently that didn't bother him at all. so finally when we hit the second bar he shifted into action.
So, the moral of the story is, like i've reiterated many times before, that nobody needs to change to be a better person. we can all stay exactly the way we are, hoever horrible, bossy, sarcastic we are, because if someone likes you and you are attractive enough nothing else matters. you dont need to humble yourself to make yourself down to earth or hang like 'one of the boys' or read more books to be more literal. Heck, i can probalby burn all my pharmacy books and read Cosmo for the rest of my life. my younger sis goes out parties all the time and she always claims that she looks better than my other pretty sister, she thinks all of her bfs will never do better because she's the prettiest they ever dated, and she can't even write a one-page paper without making major grammatical mistakes (which i have to correct for her). and guys hit on her on a daily basis like there is no other woman in this world.
Story 2: guy friend #2 who complained incessantly to me over the past years finally met a girl online. And after Vday he wants to dump her. Reason: she's a bad dresser, she doesn't want to go out and do anything, she has bad skin. and he's calling the other girls in my class a 8 or a 9 and was completely in awe when he found out that these 9's have recently become single (that includes my pretty friend). Well,i'm guessing that he already knew his gf's fashion sense and bad skin upton meeting her, so why that comes as the newest revelation i have no idea.
this is why i focus on my career. i can never change the way i look or dress Ho-y because there will always be girls who look prettier and look 10 x Ho-yer when I go out. I dress for myself. if that means i will have no luck with guys for the many years to come i can't change that fact. i have no doubt in my mind that i literally just committed myself to another 10 years of singleness.
latest on the whole interview ordeal...
Just when I thought i could finally finalize my travel plans for this 6 weeks off, i learned about some new information that threw everything off. :(
So, before yesterday, my plan was to return to tw after my westcoast interview on wednesday and Eastcoast interview on Friday. I was happy that I could squeeze both in the week right after my rotation ends so i can maximize my time in taiwan as much as possible. Even though these two are my last two choices left, I was still faced with hard decisions like:
Company A(westcoast): smaller, no new drug in pipeline, the director can be hard to work with (I did a rotation there), not too many interesting assignments and no opportunity to travel with this position, but close to home and offers more money as stipend, and I will be working with the department (med affairs) I like.
Company B (eastcoast): bigger name, more drugs coming out, there MAY be opp to travel, a more structured program with potentailly more interesting assignments, bad location (NJ, and not very close to NYC), bad weather, far from home, less money, and the job description isn't something I had a passion for (this is the OTHER positiong they are offering a interview for after turning me down for the position i really want).
decision decisions. Basically, I will have to sit in the US for a while longer. Apparently company A has multiple interviews after this one tomorrow. So essentially I will be spending all of my chinese new year (maybe longer) here in the US by myself. wahhhhh! :*(
So, before yesterday, my plan was to return to tw after my westcoast interview on wednesday and Eastcoast interview on Friday. I was happy that I could squeeze both in the week right after my rotation ends so i can maximize my time in taiwan as much as possible. Even though these two are my last two choices left, I was still faced with hard decisions like:
Company A(westcoast): smaller, no new drug in pipeline, the director can be hard to work with (I did a rotation there), not too many interesting assignments and no opportunity to travel with this position, but close to home and offers more money as stipend, and I will be working with the department (med affairs) I like.
Company B (eastcoast): bigger name, more drugs coming out, there MAY be opp to travel, a more structured program with potentailly more interesting assignments, bad location (NJ, and not very close to NYC), bad weather, far from home, less money, and the job description isn't something I had a passion for (this is the OTHER positiong they are offering a interview for after turning me down for the position i really want).
decision decisions. Basically, I will have to sit in the US for a while longer. Apparently company A has multiple interviews after this one tomorrow. So essentially I will be spending all of my chinese new year (maybe longer) here in the US by myself. wahhhhh! :*(
2010年2月13日 星期六
this is how you can tell my rotation is over ;)
Because i'm starting to update everyday!
Hehe anyway, first thing to report: I finally finalized my interviews and my date to go back to tw! Hooray! I was worried that I would have to postpone my trip until later during my break and therefore miss ALL OF chinese new year and time to spend with my parents. But as it turns out, I was able to schedule both interviews during next week. Although I still have to fly in for one of them, and schedule is back to back so I will have to drive from thousand oaks directly to the airport to get on the plane, then a day after i come back from new jersey get on another plane to go back to tw, I am happy to do so. It beats spending my vacation waiting in the US for something that may or may not happen. Will keep you posted.
Second thing, I finally get to go out and have some fun with my friends. Well, not like a crazy night out but after almost 6 weeks of zero social life other than eating and sleeping right after work, I met up with a old college pal in K-town to have some korean bbq. Whew, that's a lot of cholesterol. But I have to say the pork belly was really good, as well as the marinated short ribs. Although i secretly suspected that I didn't get my money's worth because we ordered all-you-can-eat, and I have a stomach size of a little birdie. :( We then 'walked' to (yes, that's the beauty of west LA) the nearest bar (Le bleu) and had a couple drinks while catching up. It's always good to hang with old friends who live a completely different life. Having hang with pharmacy friends for so long sometimes you lose sight of what really makes you YOU in college. life really isn't all about fellowships/residency. I always enjoy other people's stories, espeically when they are well-travelled. It reminds me of all the happy times i had while abroad away from work. Of course at this point i am very far removed from it, but it's good to always have a goal to work toward. Although I did somewhat complained about the fact that I can never end up where i REALLY want to be. And I mean this not in terms of the position but in terms of the location of the companies I want to be. In general, metropolitan cities are alreayd over populated and it is not possible to fit a new industry (such as biotech/pharma) inside a city like New york. Physically there's just not enough room and economically it would cost too much. So I am finding myself constantly choosing between the suburbs. I can tell you with 100% confidence that if these jobs are in NYC or Boston I would move in a heartbeat. But to think I'm essentially transferring from a big city to a small town where there is nothing kind of scares me. I would be doing the same thing, minus family and friends. My friends who are in fashion or business can pretty much put their finger anywhere on the US map and stay in the city they want. But not so with pharmaceutical industry (unless you are into sales and marketing).
Alas, time to sleep!
Hehe anyway, first thing to report: I finally finalized my interviews and my date to go back to tw! Hooray! I was worried that I would have to postpone my trip until later during my break and therefore miss ALL OF chinese new year and time to spend with my parents. But as it turns out, I was able to schedule both interviews during next week. Although I still have to fly in for one of them, and schedule is back to back so I will have to drive from thousand oaks directly to the airport to get on the plane, then a day after i come back from new jersey get on another plane to go back to tw, I am happy to do so. It beats spending my vacation waiting in the US for something that may or may not happen. Will keep you posted.
Second thing, I finally get to go out and have some fun with my friends. Well, not like a crazy night out but after almost 6 weeks of zero social life other than eating and sleeping right after work, I met up with a old college pal in K-town to have some korean bbq. Whew, that's a lot of cholesterol. But I have to say the pork belly was really good, as well as the marinated short ribs. Although i secretly suspected that I didn't get my money's worth because we ordered all-you-can-eat, and I have a stomach size of a little birdie. :( We then 'walked' to (yes, that's the beauty of west LA) the nearest bar (Le bleu) and had a couple drinks while catching up. It's always good to hang with old friends who live a completely different life. Having hang with pharmacy friends for so long sometimes you lose sight of what really makes you YOU in college. life really isn't all about fellowships/residency. I always enjoy other people's stories, espeically when they are well-travelled. It reminds me of all the happy times i had while abroad away from work. Of course at this point i am very far removed from it, but it's good to always have a goal to work toward. Although I did somewhat complained about the fact that I can never end up where i REALLY want to be. And I mean this not in terms of the position but in terms of the location of the companies I want to be. In general, metropolitan cities are alreayd over populated and it is not possible to fit a new industry (such as biotech/pharma) inside a city like New york. Physically there's just not enough room and economically it would cost too much. So I am finding myself constantly choosing between the suburbs. I can tell you with 100% confidence that if these jobs are in NYC or Boston I would move in a heartbeat. But to think I'm essentially transferring from a big city to a small town where there is nothing kind of scares me. I would be doing the same thing, minus family and friends. My friends who are in fashion or business can pretty much put their finger anywhere on the US map and stay in the city they want. But not so with pharmaceutical industry (unless you are into sales and marketing).
Alas, time to sleep!
2010年2月12日 星期五
A bit under the weather and the case of an over-achiever
Good news: I am FINALLY done with my oncology rotation. I honestly dont know how i was able to survive it all, super-long hours, crazy hard subject I wasn't particularly fond of, a super over-achiever classmate as my partner, patients who are extremely complicated, and flying all over the nation for interviews (and getting rejected). Wow, that's a handful. But I think like I said before, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Looking back I am extremely proud that I had survived it, and I can tell people now that I took 2 rotations at a cancer hospital and did well (well, well enough I guess). It was funny that I also kept running into people I know yesterday, some of them underclassmen, some of them in my class. When they found out that I chose an oncology rotation their eyes nearly popped out. They were talking about how much they hated the oncology module and so on. I guess it was very ambitious and silly of me at the time when I was choosing my rotation to think I can do it all. But all of my decisions are actually pretty thought-out. At the time i wanted to do something that can help with my industry-related interests, and possibly hospital, if i changed my mind. Oncology just sounds like a good field because it's a growing market, not as played-out as cardiovascular or diabetes, and all the drug companies/hospitals want a foot in oncology now. However I can also picture myself two years ago, all that I wanted to do was to graduate as smoothly as possible. I wanted all the easy rotations, and I looked strangely at the fourth years who talked passionately about the hard rotations and thought they must be crazy. And now i'm that crazy fourth year....I guess people do change. :)
BUT, I have to say that although I became more interested in certain fields of my study, i am never an over-achiever like some people. Another part of this rotation that makes it hard is that, my classmate who is my partner for this rotation, had a niche for oncology since a long time ago. She had plenty of experience in-patient. She picked pretty much ALL her rotations in a cancer hospital. She knew the drugs well and she went the extra mile for any assignments we may have. For that I had to push myself even harder in fear of looking like the stupider student. So whenever we had topic discussions in the afternoon she would provide us with lots and lots of handouts that she made or articles she pulled, completed with pictures and graphs and whatnot. Well, I couldn't exactly match THAT, but I did have to sacrifice my lunchtime to make 'outlines' for my topic presentation days (usually these are days when you just talk about a certain disease state informally). Which worked out fine, in my case I guess. My preceptor was cool with just having an outline which they could look at while I did my talk. Another thing she did was asking 'rhetorical questions'. questions she already knew the answers of, but making it a self-answered format. It bugged the HECK out of me, because she obviously did the research so she knew the answer, or she studied and memorized it, or whatever, but she would be asking it like "is this drug so and so because it causes so and so to happen in the 'insert and organ' so we need to watch out for side effects like so and so"? and i was like, YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER! and she did this even on readings that we were both assigned and just talked and talked so that i couldn't have a chance to prove myself (of course, i later learned to 'compete' for the right the answer). and of course on our final presentation, on which we had a time limit of 30 minuites, she made it into a ONE FRIGGIN HOUR presentation completed all and every aspect of the disease possible and ALL treatment options, and that's a lot in the world of pharmacy and medicine. so that of course made my 30-minuite presenation look somewhat like sh*t. I did a fine job, but in the presence of her over-achieving presentation i was getting comments like "I would like to see more studies done" "I want to see all treatment options available for this other disease". Um, my topic was "Eculizumab in the treatment of Paroxysmal Nocturnal Hemoglobinuria". If you didnt' come for the "eculizumab" part of it or the "PNH" part of it, then you were in the wrong room. I did, judiciously, briefly go over the other medications but what use is it for me to spend another 30 minuites on the background information when all am trying to do is introducing the new drug available? Although through this experience, i've learned that my forte is still " knowing my patient and knowing them well". I like to put everyone's life into a story in my head and the treatments they've gone through because I dont just care about them like they are case studies. And I think that realy helps. Even when I talk about some of the diseases I always connect them to patients I have seen. So I guess THAT is my niche.
so my body usually goes into over drive with I have a ton of stress, and I have finally reached my 'off'rotation during which I have 6 weeks off. this morning when i woke up I immediately felt a bit under the weather. my nose is runny and my head hurts. My eyes are somwhat swollen maybe from drinking too much water or the sickness itself. In anycase, I hope I do feel better soon. I plan to get a facial sometime this weekend because i feel pretty disgusting over all and my face is a bit broken out. It would be nice to have a spa day to de-stress. :)
BUT, I have to say that although I became more interested in certain fields of my study, i am never an over-achiever like some people. Another part of this rotation that makes it hard is that, my classmate who is my partner for this rotation, had a niche for oncology since a long time ago. She had plenty of experience in-patient. She picked pretty much ALL her rotations in a cancer hospital. She knew the drugs well and she went the extra mile for any assignments we may have. For that I had to push myself even harder in fear of looking like the stupider student. So whenever we had topic discussions in the afternoon she would provide us with lots and lots of handouts that she made or articles she pulled, completed with pictures and graphs and whatnot. Well, I couldn't exactly match THAT, but I did have to sacrifice my lunchtime to make 'outlines' for my topic presentation days (usually these are days when you just talk about a certain disease state informally). Which worked out fine, in my case I guess. My preceptor was cool with just having an outline which they could look at while I did my talk. Another thing she did was asking 'rhetorical questions'. questions she already knew the answers of, but making it a self-answered format. It bugged the HECK out of me, because she obviously did the research so she knew the answer, or she studied and memorized it, or whatever, but she would be asking it like "is this drug so and so because it causes so and so to happen in the 'insert and organ' so we need to watch out for side effects like so and so"? and i was like, YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER! and she did this even on readings that we were both assigned and just talked and talked so that i couldn't have a chance to prove myself (of course, i later learned to 'compete' for the right the answer). and of course on our final presentation, on which we had a time limit of 30 minuites, she made it into a ONE FRIGGIN HOUR presentation completed all and every aspect of the disease possible and ALL treatment options, and that's a lot in the world of pharmacy and medicine. so that of course made my 30-minuite presenation look somewhat like sh*t. I did a fine job, but in the presence of her over-achieving presentation i was getting comments like "I would like to see more studies done" "I want to see all treatment options available for this other disease". Um, my topic was "Eculizumab in the treatment of Paroxysmal Nocturnal Hemoglobinuria". If you didnt' come for the "eculizumab" part of it or the "PNH" part of it, then you were in the wrong room. I did, judiciously, briefly go over the other medications but what use is it for me to spend another 30 minuites on the background information when all am trying to do is introducing the new drug available? Although through this experience, i've learned that my forte is still " knowing my patient and knowing them well". I like to put everyone's life into a story in my head and the treatments they've gone through because I dont just care about them like they are case studies. And I think that realy helps. Even when I talk about some of the diseases I always connect them to patients I have seen. So I guess THAT is my niche.
so my body usually goes into over drive with I have a ton of stress, and I have finally reached my 'off'rotation during which I have 6 weeks off. this morning when i woke up I immediately felt a bit under the weather. my nose is runny and my head hurts. My eyes are somwhat swollen maybe from drinking too much water or the sickness itself. In anycase, I hope I do feel better soon. I plan to get a facial sometime this weekend because i feel pretty disgusting over all and my face is a bit broken out. It would be nice to have a spa day to de-stress. :)
2010年2月9日 星期二
because i have some time and i'm sitting in the library i'm goign to update my blog
Because I used the Superbowl weekend to, well, watch Superbowl and rest after my series of interview, i actually accomplished a lot. I'm 99% done with my final presentation, and at this point I am just waiting for the end of it all (on thursday). then I will be rotation free for the next 6 weeks.
I wish that i didn't have this "inverview" cloud hanging over my head. Then i'd be really excited about the upcoming break. But the fact that, knowing a lot of my classmates got the position they wanted (and these are classmates who i'm not particularly friends with), makes me feel somewhat sad about my fellowship/job outlook. it's pretty much the first thing i think about upon waking up, and last thing i think about before going to bed. Well, THAT and my current rotation. my social like is at a complete halt right now. and then i sit around wondering why i'm 'dateless' for V-day (actually, not really). ;)
So last night i enjoyed a night of The Bachelor marathon. it's particularly ironic when you're single and you've been watching the past 5 seasons...knowing that none of these relationships will work out and in order to win over the bachelor (who is gorgeous by the way, but kinda cheesey) you gotta act like you've fallen in love upon meeting him, and probably find the shirt with the least amount of fabric to wear so he can practically stare through you top. I often wonder if i ever signed myself up for the show in hope to find 'true love', if i'd be eliminated upon stepping off the limo (not even to the first round of Rose Ceremony). HAHA. the contestants are just all too gorgeous, however shallow they may seem and the numerous tanning sessions and plastic surgeries they go through. i think The Bachelor really like that. Anyway, i am putting too much thought into a little silly show. It's actually making me a ever more bitter single woman. ;)
@ KJ: thanks...I do hope that i can find out as much as about these positions as possible when i go to the onsite interviews. today's job market makes me fee like "begger's can't be choosers" (maybe i'm exageratting a little bit). but i feel that i should be thankful for whatever comes my way, at the same time, i'm also so reluctant to leave home to somewhere far, far away where ther is lots of snow storms and a whole lotta nothing (ie New jersey). and i tend to always project a few years on top what what i have right now to see what is the optimal time to return to tw, so that my parents won't be too old and we can still spend quality time together..so and so.
this is why i think i need to just shut down my brain sometimes. :P
I wish that i didn't have this "inverview" cloud hanging over my head. Then i'd be really excited about the upcoming break. But the fact that, knowing a lot of my classmates got the position they wanted (and these are classmates who i'm not particularly friends with), makes me feel somewhat sad about my fellowship/job outlook. it's pretty much the first thing i think about upon waking up, and last thing i think about before going to bed. Well, THAT and my current rotation. my social like is at a complete halt right now. and then i sit around wondering why i'm 'dateless' for V-day (actually, not really). ;)
So last night i enjoyed a night of The Bachelor marathon. it's particularly ironic when you're single and you've been watching the past 5 seasons...knowing that none of these relationships will work out and in order to win over the bachelor (who is gorgeous by the way, but kinda cheesey) you gotta act like you've fallen in love upon meeting him, and probably find the shirt with the least amount of fabric to wear so he can practically stare through you top. I often wonder if i ever signed myself up for the show in hope to find 'true love', if i'd be eliminated upon stepping off the limo (not even to the first round of Rose Ceremony). HAHA. the contestants are just all too gorgeous, however shallow they may seem and the numerous tanning sessions and plastic surgeries they go through. i think The Bachelor really like that. Anyway, i am putting too much thought into a little silly show. It's actually making me a ever more bitter single woman. ;)
@ KJ: thanks...I do hope that i can find out as much as about these positions as possible when i go to the onsite interviews. today's job market makes me fee like "begger's can't be choosers" (maybe i'm exageratting a little bit). but i feel that i should be thankful for whatever comes my way, at the same time, i'm also so reluctant to leave home to somewhere far, far away where ther is lots of snow storms and a whole lotta nothing (ie New jersey). and i tend to always project a few years on top what what i have right now to see what is the optimal time to return to tw, so that my parents won't be too old and we can still spend quality time together..so and so.
this is why i think i need to just shut down my brain sometimes. :P
2010年2月7日 星期日
a whole lotta nuthin'
This is probably the first weekend since a long time ago I finally have time to sit home during a free weekend to blog. I really apologize for not keeping up. This usually happens during extreme stress/depressed mood. I don't feel that crappy overall but the job aspect has definitely depleted a lot of my enthusiasm and the rotation drained a lot of my energy.
To make long story short, last december I went to great length to prepare for 10+ applications/interviews, and went through 3 days straight of interviews in Vegas with no fun time, and finally got 2 offers for an on-site interview sometime during early January. I flew to new jersey to interview with them. Each company requires you to spend the whole day with them. And I mean literally the whole day from 830 to 4pm. You basically talk to someone every half an hour until you're emotionally and physically drained. And you give a powerpoint presentation sometime in between (and i made one brand new too just for these company and their impossible requirements). On top of that, you also had to read a research paper and send in your critique before the actual onsite interview. Although super tired and somewhat nervous, I finished both interviews with high hopes. I could tell that I really kicked ass during the presentation, but with so many more applicants this year d/t the recession, I can't be 100% sure. I got followup phone calls from one company in particular somewhat asking me to make a decision between the two companies (they know about each other) and I was completely caught off guard.
I then spent the next month waiting in vain for the results. When I didn't hear anything on the proposed day of decision I knew I was out. Of course my suspicion was confirmed via phone calls/email that the offer belonged to someone else. At which point, my mood was very very bad. Because I went through so much work. and then nothing. It pains me to even look at the presentation I made and the articles I had to read for these companies. I dont think i ever or will ever have to try this hard for any job in my life. They raised the bar so high that as a candidate you had to jump through these hoops in order to be the chosen one.
Then I was called back for a residency interview in nyc. I thought that was a very interesting surprise. I had applied for hospital residencies as a back up, and didn't think i'd get any invites. But I went anyway, since there's really no backup plan as of now. Then i was put through another all-day interview between 2 medical centers, only to find out in the end that the program isn't that great because they work their residents to death. I would be living in nyc working 60+ hr a week and never see the sun. And the interview was poorly organized. half the interviewers prolly didn't show up. And the ones who did show up had trouble identifying which candidate should go to which room. At one point I was being interviewed in the cafeteria because of some room booking confusion. I'd be damned if that interview worked in my favor. At the end of the day it was coming straight back to LA for my rotation the next day.
And did I mention I am also doing my oncology rotation at the same time? I pulled 2 50+ weeks 2 weeks in a row just so I can fly to the east coast to get interviewed. In hindsight, all for nothing. Everyday at the hospital I could feel that I was just so sad and tired.
I had planned to go back to tw during my off rotation (which starts valentine's day weekend) but because I haven't received any offers I have to wait in the US for 2 interviews (one has yet to be booked).
It's been really hard for me, i'm sure looking back I will feel so sorry for myself. To be physically and mentally challenged at the hospital rotation, trying to impress my preceptor and match my super type-A partner, coming home to lots of rejection letter/email/phone calls, and flying all over the US for more interviews which are the least promising, and coming back to work straight through the week. I am only giving myself a free weekend so i can work on my final presentation and exam for my last week of rotation.
There are things that make me feel bad. like finding out my friend who got married got pregnant (not that it's a bad thing for her, but that's also something i haven't fulfilled my womanly duty for), and another girl getting engaged to a apparently very well off MD.
When I looked at the cancer patients at teh hospital and I wonder if i'll become one of them with my constant high stress level. I felt bad that during my time at the hospital I've already seen two pts go. and i had seen them while they were alive. really puts everything in perspective for you.
but at the same time, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I just produced a 1 hr long presentation completed with all kinds of studies and graphics within an hour, and i feel absolutely no anxiety about presenting it. I guess after having to present in front of 8 pharm.d.s + MDs at these company interviews nothing can make me pee my pants at this point. :P
To make long story short, last december I went to great length to prepare for 10+ applications/interviews, and went through 3 days straight of interviews in Vegas with no fun time, and finally got 2 offers for an on-site interview sometime during early January. I flew to new jersey to interview with them. Each company requires you to spend the whole day with them. And I mean literally the whole day from 830 to 4pm. You basically talk to someone every half an hour until you're emotionally and physically drained. And you give a powerpoint presentation sometime in between (and i made one brand new too just for these company and their impossible requirements). On top of that, you also had to read a research paper and send in your critique before the actual onsite interview. Although super tired and somewhat nervous, I finished both interviews with high hopes. I could tell that I really kicked ass during the presentation, but with so many more applicants this year d/t the recession, I can't be 100% sure. I got followup phone calls from one company in particular somewhat asking me to make a decision between the two companies (they know about each other) and I was completely caught off guard.
I then spent the next month waiting in vain for the results. When I didn't hear anything on the proposed day of decision I knew I was out. Of course my suspicion was confirmed via phone calls/email that the offer belonged to someone else. At which point, my mood was very very bad. Because I went through so much work. and then nothing. It pains me to even look at the presentation I made and the articles I had to read for these companies. I dont think i ever or will ever have to try this hard for any job in my life. They raised the bar so high that as a candidate you had to jump through these hoops in order to be the chosen one.
Then I was called back for a residency interview in nyc. I thought that was a very interesting surprise. I had applied for hospital residencies as a back up, and didn't think i'd get any invites. But I went anyway, since there's really no backup plan as of now. Then i was put through another all-day interview between 2 medical centers, only to find out in the end that the program isn't that great because they work their residents to death. I would be living in nyc working 60+ hr a week and never see the sun. And the interview was poorly organized. half the interviewers prolly didn't show up. And the ones who did show up had trouble identifying which candidate should go to which room. At one point I was being interviewed in the cafeteria because of some room booking confusion. I'd be damned if that interview worked in my favor. At the end of the day it was coming straight back to LA for my rotation the next day.
And did I mention I am also doing my oncology rotation at the same time? I pulled 2 50+ weeks 2 weeks in a row just so I can fly to the east coast to get interviewed. In hindsight, all for nothing. Everyday at the hospital I could feel that I was just so sad and tired.
I had planned to go back to tw during my off rotation (which starts valentine's day weekend) but because I haven't received any offers I have to wait in the US for 2 interviews (one has yet to be booked).
It's been really hard for me, i'm sure looking back I will feel so sorry for myself. To be physically and mentally challenged at the hospital rotation, trying to impress my preceptor and match my super type-A partner, coming home to lots of rejection letter/email/phone calls, and flying all over the US for more interviews which are the least promising, and coming back to work straight through the week. I am only giving myself a free weekend so i can work on my final presentation and exam for my last week of rotation.
There are things that make me feel bad. like finding out my friend who got married got pregnant (not that it's a bad thing for her, but that's also something i haven't fulfilled my womanly duty for), and another girl getting engaged to a apparently very well off MD.
When I looked at the cancer patients at teh hospital and I wonder if i'll become one of them with my constant high stress level. I felt bad that during my time at the hospital I've already seen two pts go. and i had seen them while they were alive. really puts everything in perspective for you.
but at the same time, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I just produced a 1 hr long presentation completed with all kinds of studies and graphics within an hour, and i feel absolutely no anxiety about presenting it. I guess after having to present in front of 8 pharm.d.s + MDs at these company interviews nothing can make me pee my pants at this point. :P
訂閱：
文章 (Atom)
