I just remembered that a week ago at this time what I was doing. It was 6/7, my 24th birthday, and we were getting ready to meet up with the rest of the group and Simone, the Italian tour director, was going to take us on a walking tour and farewell dinner. At 4:24 I was trying to convince R to change into her denim skirt because 1)i never saw her in a skirt, not to mention a mini one, and 2) I wanted to see what happened later that night ;). I was dressing up a bit myself, using my white skirt as tube top and i felt REALLy naked in it. Btw R had bought me a Bday sundae which was really yummy:).
We walked about the city as a group, and stopped at one of the plaza for the "apertif". the cute waiter brought over bottles of red and white wine along with little finger sandwiches which were immediately devoured by other people in our group. I was having sorta a chat with our tour director, and he mentioned that he was (or still is) working at a bar right now. And then R †old them about my Bday and I was so embarrassed to tell my age (which i didnt' have to be).
The dinner was great, had the best pasta in my life. and we all went to a bar together...which turned out to be somewhat fun and awkward because of that Camel Back guy. Anyway I tried a French Martini and chatted some more with people in my group. But R seemed to be attracting a lot of the locals ;). Hehe.
I wish I can turn back time. It was one of the best b-days since I turned 17.
2007年6月14日 星期四
Worry worry
I have been back a couple days now, and when you have nothing to do, your mind runs wild.
Anyone who knows me knows,that it's not a secret, that I've been thinking about leaving school. I've been thinking about it since 3 years ago, even before I applied. So it's reasonable when my sister asked, why now? I should have already figured it out 3 years ago. The answer is complicated:
First of all, when i volunteered at the pharmacies, I knew I hated it. But considering what I studied in college, there's only really a couple choices i have. I could go into healthcare, research, or throw myself into the business world. I had a job at a lab for 2 years, and I absolutely cannot fathom myself being in that work enviornment. I dont know if i can really work on something for a couple years, and may I remind you, the bio labs STINK. As an entry level researcher you pretty much grow bacteria/yeast that smell like crap so you can work on the molecular stuff. The sight of petri dishes make me barf.
I felt at the time that healthcare is a sure-fire way to guarantee good jobs, good pay, and there is always a shortage, so why not healthcare? Specifically pharmacy, good hours, good pay, and not as demanding as medicine. I was sold. The decision was made my junior year in college.
Since then, I've been targetting everything I do toward getting into pharm school, the GE's I took, the summer school I took, the extracurricular activities I signed up for, the professors who I tried to meet, everything. I made myself volunteer once a week, for 2 years, at different pharmacies, just so I can stand out from other candidates with my qualifications.
And then I realized how much it wasn't for me. But i had invested too much time I couldn't go back. Going back means that I worked so hard for nothing. So I continued with the application process with a million doubts in my head, but I couldn't go back. I coudln't shake off the feelings that I wasn't being completely honest in my application, and I had to even convince the interviewees that this is what I really want to do with the rest of my life. I think secretly I was hoping that I wouldnt' get in, so i can use that as a reason to leave the track i'm on and pursue something else.
But I did get in. And I couldn't not go. Everyone was so joyous that I felt that maybe my hardwork did pay off. So I went, and I hated every minute of it. I didn't really like my classmates but a few. We have these stupid frats that people get so passionate about. Everything has to revolve around it. I'm in a class with 80% girls, who don't really share all that much in common with me ethnically. I have no problem hanging with people from diff backgrounds, but I couls jsut tell that no matter how hard I try I still am an outsider looking in at their little cliques. My hair started falling out, i had really bad eczema during exam season that drov3 me crazy. I never felt like studying because I could no longer pretend that I care about diabetes mellitus at all. My apititute changet is singing so loud I could no longer ignore it. But i can't go back.
I applied for jobs and started working at a pharmacy. And i HATED it. I was yelled at by customers almost every time i come in. I jsut wasnt' getting the job satisfaction I was looking for. I was sick of having to perform mindless tasks like filling prescription, typing up prescription, dealing with insurance, dealing with irate customers, dealing with technicians who doubt my ability, dealing with pharmacists who abuse the interns.
But I can't go back, I already spent 4 years in colelge studying for bio (at the time it was fun), I tailored all my classes toward pharmacy prerequisites. If i dont do this anymore, I'm wasting the knowledge I have in my head right now. And what else can I do if not pharmacy?
So my confidence is experiencing a new low. When I was younger I was excited about the opportunities I may have when I grow up, I may be going to a really good school, I may be meeting a really cool guy at school, I may be diogn soething I really like. But now I am 24, I absolutely hated the field I am in, and I have put in a LOT more expectations into my future relationsihps hoping it would alleviate all my pain (which is impossible). So there is no one, because school and work take up 80% of my time and the rest I'm sitting on my ass studying for good practices of pharmacy or compounding a cream. And I feel empty.
If i continue with this, I may or may not thank myslef when I get out in 3 years. But 3 years is a long time, esp when you're living it.
I feel that I cannot let my parents down, who think that i'm well onto my future career. It would be such a dissapointment to them and to my relatives that someone who they always deemed bright has become a drop out. And how might I explain to my future employer why i lack references (because the professors and my boss from the places I drop out from definitely will not write me one).
And it was reasonable when my sister pointed out that, pharmacy is not the only way to make a living. It's not that or beggin on the street. I've just limited myself for so long that I can't see other possibilities. It may be true, but considering for the past 4 years i only learned about things relating to pharmacy/science, having no remote business knowledge at all, it would be difficult for me to start brand new somewhere else.
But I can't go back. The stake is too high. I can't disspoint myself and everyone. But if i keep going i can't turn back. And next thing I know, I will be 27, graduating with a lot more regrets than I do right now.
Anyone who knows me knows,that it's not a secret, that I've been thinking about leaving school. I've been thinking about it since 3 years ago, even before I applied. So it's reasonable when my sister asked, why now? I should have already figured it out 3 years ago. The answer is complicated:
First of all, when i volunteered at the pharmacies, I knew I hated it. But considering what I studied in college, there's only really a couple choices i have. I could go into healthcare, research, or throw myself into the business world. I had a job at a lab for 2 years, and I absolutely cannot fathom myself being in that work enviornment. I dont know if i can really work on something for a couple years, and may I remind you, the bio labs STINK. As an entry level researcher you pretty much grow bacteria/yeast that smell like crap so you can work on the molecular stuff. The sight of petri dishes make me barf.
I felt at the time that healthcare is a sure-fire way to guarantee good jobs, good pay, and there is always a shortage, so why not healthcare? Specifically pharmacy, good hours, good pay, and not as demanding as medicine. I was sold. The decision was made my junior year in college.
Since then, I've been targetting everything I do toward getting into pharm school, the GE's I took, the summer school I took, the extracurricular activities I signed up for, the professors who I tried to meet, everything. I made myself volunteer once a week, for 2 years, at different pharmacies, just so I can stand out from other candidates with my qualifications.
And then I realized how much it wasn't for me. But i had invested too much time I couldn't go back. Going back means that I worked so hard for nothing. So I continued with the application process with a million doubts in my head, but I couldn't go back. I coudln't shake off the feelings that I wasn't being completely honest in my application, and I had to even convince the interviewees that this is what I really want to do with the rest of my life. I think secretly I was hoping that I wouldnt' get in, so i can use that as a reason to leave the track i'm on and pursue something else.
But I did get in. And I couldn't not go. Everyone was so joyous that I felt that maybe my hardwork did pay off. So I went, and I hated every minute of it. I didn't really like my classmates but a few. We have these stupid frats that people get so passionate about. Everything has to revolve around it. I'm in a class with 80% girls, who don't really share all that much in common with me ethnically. I have no problem hanging with people from diff backgrounds, but I couls jsut tell that no matter how hard I try I still am an outsider looking in at their little cliques. My hair started falling out, i had really bad eczema during exam season that drov3 me crazy. I never felt like studying because I could no longer pretend that I care about diabetes mellitus at all. My apititute changet is singing so loud I could no longer ignore it. But i can't go back.
I applied for jobs and started working at a pharmacy. And i HATED it. I was yelled at by customers almost every time i come in. I jsut wasnt' getting the job satisfaction I was looking for. I was sick of having to perform mindless tasks like filling prescription, typing up prescription, dealing with insurance, dealing with irate customers, dealing with technicians who doubt my ability, dealing with pharmacists who abuse the interns.
But I can't go back, I already spent 4 years in colelge studying for bio (at the time it was fun), I tailored all my classes toward pharmacy prerequisites. If i dont do this anymore, I'm wasting the knowledge I have in my head right now. And what else can I do if not pharmacy?
So my confidence is experiencing a new low. When I was younger I was excited about the opportunities I may have when I grow up, I may be going to a really good school, I may be meeting a really cool guy at school, I may be diogn soething I really like. But now I am 24, I absolutely hated the field I am in, and I have put in a LOT more expectations into my future relationsihps hoping it would alleviate all my pain (which is impossible). So there is no one, because school and work take up 80% of my time and the rest I'm sitting on my ass studying for good practices of pharmacy or compounding a cream. And I feel empty.
If i continue with this, I may or may not thank myslef when I get out in 3 years. But 3 years is a long time, esp when you're living it.
I feel that I cannot let my parents down, who think that i'm well onto my future career. It would be such a dissapointment to them and to my relatives that someone who they always deemed bright has become a drop out. And how might I explain to my future employer why i lack references (because the professors and my boss from the places I drop out from definitely will not write me one).
And it was reasonable when my sister pointed out that, pharmacy is not the only way to make a living. It's not that or beggin on the street. I've just limited myself for so long that I can't see other possibilities. It may be true, but considering for the past 4 years i only learned about things relating to pharmacy/science, having no remote business knowledge at all, it would be difficult for me to start brand new somewhere else.
But I can't go back. The stake is too high. I can't disspoint myself and everyone. But if i keep going i can't turn back. And next thing I know, I will be 27, graduating with a lot more regrets than I do right now.
2007年5月9日 星期三
Funny funny links:
Verizon Taco Mom commercial
Verizon Taco Mum on DHADM
This is the funniest after the Caveman series from Geico....that cracked me up too.
and this upcoming movie: Balls of Fury
http://movies.aol.com/movie/balls-of-fury/24183/trailer
Verizon Taco Mom commercial
Verizon Taco Mum on DHADM
This is the funniest after the Caveman series from Geico....that cracked me up too.
and this upcoming movie: Balls of Fury
http://movies.aol.com/movie/balls-of-fury/24183/trailer
2007年5月5日 星期六
Staying up studying for EXAMS!!! :P
Grr I hate doing another post in English. I fully intend to practice my Chinese typing skill but I always remember about updating my website around midnight (it reads 11:27pm right now). Oooh they are playing Xmas music on Radio Deliro (which I highly recommend for anyone who's into French music and jazz, this and Hot Radio 90 as well as Frequence 3). OOh how I love Xmas music.
Anyway, nothing TOO interesting about today. Ok maybe there's a few:
1. The HARDEST exam ever which I took yesterday, well, the score is posted by my Nazi professor (she's a scary woman). I seriously felt butterflies in stomach when i opened the link, expecting a failing grade which will enable to not study for the next 2 exams...because as they say, if you fail one, you can't go on to 2nd level, hence no reason to struggle with other classes. I can practically get on a plane and go home for good. Anyhoo, the grades are out...and the class average is 69...and I got a 73!!!!!This had never happened before. NEVER! I am so used to doing shitty in that class I can't believe, for once, I did above average. (by the way pharm school is actually pretty impossible...the low average has nothing to do with my actual IQ (i hope). ;) Something to feel happy about.
2. I got a full set of Mani+Pedi!!! I wish I have pictures to go with this, but my camera has broken down for good, you'll just have to take my words for it. The experience was pleasant...like last time. I really like being pampered, esp after I've lived like an amazon for so long. School has turned me into a sloppy, uncouth, androgenous girl. I have cuticles that are bitten off by my mouth and the bottom of my sole can be used to grind potatoes. I can't even find my pulmice stone!!!! So I was sitting in this comfy, vibrating couch with my feet soaked in soap water. The manicurist just helped me cleaned out all that dead skin (thank you)..and put on fresh layer of nail polish for me. (OOH THEY ARE PLAYING JINGLE BELL RIGHT NOW...HEHE AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR :). ) So my nails are in this very nude, very understated color, while my hand nails are nicely blackish purple. I was going to do neon colors with black..but the manicurists didn't think it was such a good idea (they literally laughed at me) so i went with just black. Cute I must say.
3. And i got my BEST BUY GIFT CARDS IN THE MAIL!!! Thank you CITICARDS...I love it when i am able to use my points to actualy get something I want! And since my digital camera left me for good, I have exchanged my points for gift cards I can use toward my purchase of another camera. Meaning after finals I will be able to really shop for what I need for the trip. And I'm happy that i'll soon be able to update the website regularly like a real blogger. :)
4. Oh and I had something liek pinkberyy yesterday. It was pretty good...although I still have to try the original to see how they compare. Frozen yogurt with toppings you can choose. I like how I'm not getting fat with this. :D
Ok two more finals to go. Must not lose the tenacity.
Anyway, nothing TOO interesting about today. Ok maybe there's a few:
1. The HARDEST exam ever which I took yesterday, well, the score is posted by my Nazi professor (she's a scary woman). I seriously felt butterflies in stomach when i opened the link, expecting a failing grade which will enable to not study for the next 2 exams...because as they say, if you fail one, you can't go on to 2nd level, hence no reason to struggle with other classes. I can practically get on a plane and go home for good. Anyhoo, the grades are out...and the class average is 69...and I got a 73!!!!!This had never happened before. NEVER! I am so used to doing shitty in that class I can't believe, for once, I did above average. (by the way pharm school is actually pretty impossible...the low average has nothing to do with my actual IQ (i hope). ;) Something to feel happy about.
2. I got a full set of Mani+Pedi!!! I wish I have pictures to go with this, but my camera has broken down for good, you'll just have to take my words for it. The experience was pleasant...like last time. I really like being pampered, esp after I've lived like an amazon for so long. School has turned me into a sloppy, uncouth, androgenous girl. I have cuticles that are bitten off by my mouth and the bottom of my sole can be used to grind potatoes. I can't even find my pulmice stone!!!! So I was sitting in this comfy, vibrating couch with my feet soaked in soap water. The manicurist just helped me cleaned out all that dead skin (thank you)..and put on fresh layer of nail polish for me. (OOH THEY ARE PLAYING JINGLE BELL RIGHT NOW...HEHE AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR :). ) So my nails are in this very nude, very understated color, while my hand nails are nicely blackish purple. I was going to do neon colors with black..but the manicurists didn't think it was such a good idea (they literally laughed at me) so i went with just black. Cute I must say.
3. And i got my BEST BUY GIFT CARDS IN THE MAIL!!! Thank you CITICARDS...I love it when i am able to use my points to actualy get something I want! And since my digital camera left me for good, I have exchanged my points for gift cards I can use toward my purchase of another camera. Meaning after finals I will be able to really shop for what I need for the trip. And I'm happy that i'll soon be able to update the website regularly like a real blogger. :)
4. Oh and I had something liek pinkberyy yesterday. It was pretty good...although I still have to try the original to see how they compare. Frozen yogurt with toppings you can choose. I like how I'm not getting fat with this. :D
Ok two more finals to go. Must not lose the tenacity.
2007年4月11日 星期三
單身的好處
人如果沒有的東西 好像都會覺得比較好 單身的永遠都在抱怨一個人的壞處 再交往的又恨不得單身 雖然不能說我時常都保持著正面的想法 但我對於單身這件事倒也滿看的開的 原因無他 光是聽到我身邊血淋淋的例子 就覺得不如寧缺勿濫
原本我一個超好的朋友 在一個人見人厭的relationship裡 就夠我5年不想交往了 最近又被以極度不人道方式 給大甩特甩 事情不到一個月就聽說前男友新歡在抱 再加上申請的工作被拒絕 只能說雪上加霜 之前雖然都給過她意見 但人云戀愛中的人耳朵是閉起來的 加上自己又不停的幫男友狂辯 久了人都懶得講了 現在除了安慰也別無他法
上個禮拜四 和另一群學校的朋友出去其中的一個女生才真的讓我見識到真正的歇斯底里 酒過三旬後 (其實也只有一杯) 就開始崩潰 一下說春假才一起去巴黎的 一回來交往三年的男友就和遇到兩天的女的跑了 之後語無倫次的說還愛他 又詛咒他和那的女的去死 和這個女的從來就不熟 也不能說為她敢到難過 倒是看到某些人沒和她認識多久就一直說 "It's okay, we all love you. Don't do anything stupid to yourself." 雖說美國女人本來就愛裝熟和說說就好 聽了還是起一身雞皮疙瘩 再加上已經半夜一點了 站在寒冷的街上等她歇斯底里完 時在很難讓人想care
總之 自己也知道 像電影中達西先生的人 也只存在電影裡......
原本我一個超好的朋友 在一個人見人厭的relationship裡 就夠我5年不想交往了 最近又被以極度不人道方式 給大甩特甩 事情不到一個月就聽說前男友新歡在抱 再加上申請的工作被拒絕 只能說雪上加霜 之前雖然都給過她意見 但人云戀愛中的人耳朵是閉起來的 加上自己又不停的幫男友狂辯 久了人都懶得講了 現在除了安慰也別無他法
上個禮拜四 和另一群學校的朋友出去其中的一個女生才真的讓我見識到真正的歇斯底里 酒過三旬後 (其實也只有一杯) 就開始崩潰 一下說春假才一起去巴黎的 一回來交往三年的男友就和遇到兩天的女的跑了 之後語無倫次的說還愛他 又詛咒他和那的女的去死 和這個女的從來就不熟 也不能說為她敢到難過 倒是看到某些人沒和她認識多久就一直說 "It's okay, we all love you. Don't do anything stupid to yourself." 雖說美國女人本來就愛裝熟和說說就好 聽了還是起一身雞皮疙瘩 再加上已經半夜一點了 站在寒冷的街上等她歇斯底里完 時在很難讓人想care
總之 自己也知道 像電影中達西先生的人 也只存在電影裡......
2007年4月3日 星期二
Blades of Glory & 壞心情
原本想好好的給它寫一篇很長的文章 今天的心情又很不幸的被搞差了 只好去挖了冰箱的一罐Corona Lite 來喝 怕說等下睡不著 學校的尾聲還不結束 每一天都覺得永無止境的 加上一直沒辦法覺決定是否把工作辭掉 真的壓力很大 那一天再好好解釋我現在的困境吧 :(
好在weekend去看了Blades of Glory 超級好笑的 推荐給大家:
或
這weekend也去拜訪了一間新開的西班牙tapas餐廳/lounge bar 叫做 Barcelona 菜是還不錯但並沒有驚豔的感覺 不過Sangria 水果酒還滿好喝的就是了
2007年3月27日 星期二
春假和無法上傳的照片
從春假回來後就一直沒有post新文章或照片 一部分是因為忙 一部分是因為我相機壞了 放假時還可以在當機前照個幾張 現在則是完全不能動 我照片都卡在裡面了啦啦啦 (哭) 只好改天再去買新相機 (還是要Canon :P )
既然不能以圖片代字 我就先list 一些好玩的地方 之後再慢慢介紹 (又在懶了):
Mission District
Castro District (好多有型的GBLT)
Esperando 西班牙tapas餐廳超好吃的 氣氛也不錯
Suede (一個club 還不錯 不過我還不太喜歡跳舞就對了)
Heighs & Ashbury (超嘻皮的地方 有好多二手衣店 不過我有點怕怕的)
Fisherman's Wharf (漁人碼頭 還是去不煩)
Ghiradelli Square (yummy yummy)
搭公車轉Bart to Berkeley
跟Jane 吃地中海食物
鯉魚門 (吃過最好吃的飲茶)
金門大橋
藝術宮
超糗的公車經驗
Lombard St.
跟郭逛Union Square!!! <3
小義大利的Mona Lisa Restaurant
Twin Peaks (羅曼蒂克可惜我是單身 :*( )
舊金山超好玩的 都不用開車真方便 :D
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