今天有點宅 (j'suis un peu triste)

I've realized that, after reading for 3 hours on how the blood coagulates, and what medications are used to control that, that the major source of my stress is simiply, you just CANNOT love this stuff and do it 24 hrs a day.

Technically i don't stuf 24 hours a day, but d/t the high volume of material we go over everyday and the number of tests we have, when i'm not studying i feel like i should. the thought occupies my mind at all times. When i cook, when i sleep, when i'm on my way to school, when i see the test result, and when i go out and have fun with my friends. I simply cannot get the idea out of my head.

It would be nice, to just take a break perhaps forever, from this madness. I mean, really, it's fun when you watch Scrubs, and you think to yourself, what i'm doing is actually very relevant to the human race and the well being of the general public. and i must say that, medical shows like ER, Grey's Anatomy, House, and Private Practice, give you the sense of hope that while in the healthcare profession, you will encounter attractive individuals everywhere, so your lovelife outside of school isn't bad at all. Afterall, you can always hit up the bar after work with your fellow residents.

but the reality is, the intense pressure from school is giving me bad skin as i sit here and type this, and i've been eating crap for the past two days because i just didn't really have time or the drive to cook myself a nice meal. so i've finally hit the point where i cannot stand it anymore, and went to the market and bought everything i needed to eat for the next 2 days, and cooked chicken veggie soup, before i gain more weight from the crap i've been eating.

The truth is, I should really consider brushing my hair when i go out and get groceries, so i dont look so scary in the checkout line.

a little discouraged

well, it's only the second week of school and i've had one midterm already, and i'm already feeling pretty down, like usual. mainly because i found out how i did on the midterm, and it was not good. so i'm feelign this immense pressure to REALLY do well next time. but 5 min into reading i'm ready to throw in the towel. that sort of explains my situation.

I am not sure why, i've also felt that i dont retain information as well as i did before. I always have this feeling that i'm not very bright and i'm pretty slow compared to the rest of my classmates. just this feelign of incompetency. I feel that everyone knows everything we need to know because they have this immense passion in the profession, and i on the other hand, am just dragging my feet forward. And therefore I dont remember the formulas i should know, the table i should memorize, the names of drugs, and sometimes my own work schedule. and i do want to stop complaining because at one point i did want this. i want a career i'll enjoy having, and i want more in life and the feeling of accomplishment. but i can honestly say now that i am a very, very discouraged person.

Vegas and some morbid thoughts...

ok, let's talk about the happy part of my Labor Day weekend:

It didn't start out happy, I did have to say goodbye to my parents after 2 fabulous of summer fun and time together, before they actually left. My friends came to pick me up so we could go to vegas, so i was actually leaving FIRST. It was hard at the door, knowing i wouldn't be able to see them off when i come home. but i stayed strong.

then once we hit the road, the feelings were much better. After 4 hours we were in the sin city (2nd time for me in 3 months). I was really expecting some good fun this time, since i've always been doing family fun stuff and not really grown up adult entertainment. There were 8 of us, and we stayed at NYNY. our ambitious plan was that, we would check out two of the fancy clubs in town, and spend some time at the pool, and lots of good food.

So the first day we got there, we went to Wynn for their buffet. Which was exceptionally good. except that i couldn't eat much, cuz i was just so full from the afternoon snack (a Jodie maroni Hot dog combo). there was crab legs, shrimp cocktail, the best pastas in town, sushi, creme brulee and sorbet for dessert. YUM.

Then we started going from hotel to hotel, trying to get passes to their clubs. i'm not much of a clubber, but i like to do it as a touristy thing, like been-there-and-done-that kinda thing. The clubs in vegas are supposed to be really fancy, and it was just fun to people watch and dance with your gf's, so that's my excuse.

WE managed to find a few passes, and went back and changed and headed to JET in Mirage...and the horror began:
when we walked in the door, the line was just non-existent. not in the sense that there was no line going in, there was just NO LINE. there was a mob of people just surrounding the entrance, and the bouncers were guarding the door like bulldogs. we were there for the longest time, trying to figure out a system that would get us in. it seemed liek everyone had a vip pass, so our passes really wouldnt' do us any good. and hotness wise, vegas is full of boobs, if you haven't already noticed, and lots and lots of long, endless legs, so we definitely didn't stand out in any way, and i wasn't about to pull a slutty move to catch the bouncer's attention....so we waited and waited til one of our friends tipped the bouncer a whole lot, and were finaly let in..then 2 ppl from our group werent allowed in. so we were in this total state of confusion, because they (guys) just can't get in without girls. everyone was already in a pissy mood then, they ended up having to pay more...blah blah blah. what a horrible adventure. i realy can't see how people club like it's a sport, too much pride is on the line in my opinion.

The club itself was very fancy. there were 3 rooms, and the speakers were loud and clear, so much that i thought i was experiencing arrhythmia, from all the bumping and vibrating. we danced the whole time, moving from room to room, until we were pretty satisfied/tired, then dragged our tired asses home.

The next day we woke up to go to the pool. we got there early enough to secure 4 chairs, then we basicaly just took turns going in the water. since there wasn't much asian representation, i had a pretty hard time taking my shirt off...to flaunt the nothingness underneath it. well, i was determined to swim, so that was what i did. we had fun swimming around, and just lying in the sun reading my notes from school. good times.

We had a show to watch at 7pm, so we had a quick lunch at Il Fornaio and then got ready for the show. which was LOVE by cirqe du soleil....

probably the best show i've seen in a while. probably the best of cirque du soleil in my opinion. if anyone is thinking about seeing a show in vegas, i would definitely give this a try. there were many music numbers, one after another, and you jsut feel like you are brought back to the 60s and the whole psychedelic experience. every song was interpreted perfectly. everything was so imaginative, and i loved the happiness and the sadness of it all. the songs were catchy and easy to understand for any beatles fan of laymen. i especially loved the dialogue they incorporated in the show and the huge projection on the sash screen and the huge bed that rose from center stage that covered everyone up with the bed sheet.

AFter the show, we headed out to the Bellagio, and tried to get into The Bank, which is another club invention in Bellagio. this time there was the chaos again, and i was in no mood to wait forever in my heels. luckily, the bouncers were nice and actually took us in right away when they saw us. we didn't even have to wag our tails. However, we got in so early that there was hardly anyone, so we left 20 min later. what a waste of our vip passes. :P but my feet were killing me.

Our day ended with Bar in Time Square in NYNY. it was a piano bar, with the guys singing the catchy oldies that really revved the crowed up. the atmosphere was relaxed and fun, and we just sat outside and watched.

it was really a wonderful trip, except that i always can't help but feel a little morbid after a wonderful something. but i suppose i will update that tomorrow after my midterm..:P.

a much delayed post...on Speed Dating

I am SO owing myself a bunch of posts which i should have written long ago. This is one of them, on my speed dating adventure which occurred last tuesday. YES, i went speed dating, very sad. But actually it wasn't as bad as i had thought. I sort of decided on a whim because I kept getting these newsletters, and I thought what the heck, it's summer, and i've never tried this before. From talking to my girlfriends they were interested too so we all signed up...hence the story:

After I left work at 6pm my friends and I met at the Tangier Lounge. The traffice actuallly got so bad that I was in a terrible mood when I finally got there because i was 15 minutes late to the event. When we were finally greeted by the coordinater he assigned us numbers and had us sat at a table so the guys can rotate and come around. So basically, we all had a chance to talk to all the guys there.

And my thought on the whole event? probably not the best place to meet single, interesting guys. They weren't as weird as i thought they would be, but they werent' the atheletic, good looking, ambitious, eloquent guys one hopes to find either. There were a couple who were MORE interesting than others, like the chef who works for Cheesecake Factory, the elementary school teacher, the jewelry designer..etc. These were actually people who i wouldn't mind hanging out with. But there were also the ones who are just plain weird who meditate all the time, who is a big clubber, who is awefully quiet, who is very creepy...so don't get your hopes up. :P

And the result? Well, i didn't circle yes for anybody. The way it works is that you can say yes/no to everyone you meet. if you and him both say yes to each other a match is made, and you will receive each other's contact via e-mail. and if one of you says no, then it's not working out. So i said no to everyone not because i thought everyone was lame. I just couldn't see myself actually 'dating' any of them. there's a difference between wanting to be friends, and wanting to be hold hands/kiss someone. most of the guys here look like they are 30 something maybe close to 40, there's even one who admitted that he is going through a divorce and has two kids (what the hell was he doing there??). And i really can't say that i dream of hooking up with someone who's the average age of me and my dad's. So i'm only using this experience to say that i've "tried this and done that".

Was it fun? yes and no. you get to talk to everyone for about 5 minuites before they have to move on. but not enough impression to make you want to go out with them exclusively again. Would I do it again? Let's hope not. I'm still hoping that in the coming years i'll meet someone when i pick up one glove of a pair at a department store (see movie Serendipity). ;D

County Fair and the weekend ahead

Yes it's only monday and i'm already blogging about the coming weekend..:P Well, it's not just ANY weekend, it's the weekend we've all been waiting for since...well, well, since a long time ago. :) Partly due to the size of the wedding, and people who are going to be in it, the location of the wedding, and how big of a deal it is going to be for all of us. It's officially the end of monday now and only 3 more days ahead before I have to leave to attend this wonderful wedding in a vineyard. So much to look forward to!

And about this past weekend, which was not nearly long enough, I had to go in for a shift, but at the end of a tiring day, we made it up by going to Stinking Rose:
The Stinking Rose

The day after, I've decided to visit the Orange County Fair, aka OC fair. This is the only county fair in the area i haven't made it to. I am such a big fan of any type of fairs, and county fair is a must-do in the summer.
The OC Fair

To sum it up, there were lots of food, bbq and fried. You can always count on county fairs to find some fried twinkies, fried zucchini's, lots of baked potatos, baby back ribs, hot link sausages, tri tips, pork butts, mexcian foods, bbq corn on the cob (yummy!), and FUNNEL CAKE...of course, there's the mariachi band performance, some good ol' animal shows, contests, product showcase, and rides. we always have to do a couple of roller coasters to end the day. and i spent my last tickets on shooting the balloon with one dart and got something! a very fun day indeed.

And the picture of the piggies, well, they were all fighting to get a spot to nap next to their mother, after a good ol' meal of sucking on you-know-what. ;) I swear i want to get a pet piglet. (;_;)

jobs that pay the rent

Well, the title is really a metaphor. i kinda live at home, so as of now the situation is rent-free. but i'm talking about in general, in comparison, you always realize what your priority is when you've had different job that suck in different ways.

When i was a freshman in college i used to HATE my job at Summit, which is a school cafeteria that serves really great food. That was probably my favorite one on campus and i was glad i was working there and not somewhere else. And I made some great friends when i was working there who have become my best friends. However i disliked my shifts a lot. Mainly because it was sort of like my first job, and i never had to be on my feet for so long (~ 5 hrs) and serving food in intense heat and smelling like the station i worked at (chinese, pizza, grill, ice cream, turkey sandwich, dishroom..you name it). And i had it when i was going through a breakup so i remembered the day after i was broken up, i still went in to work, and during the downtime i just felt like crying standing there. But i liked the atmosphere, just not the standing and my minimum wage. It got better after i got better shifts like cashiering. but still i knew i didnt want a job standing up, and i've developed such great respect for food industry workers (and therefore hate rude customers who act rude).

And then when i got my job at the lab, it was a lot easier and better than working at the restaurant. I only hated the commute, because i didn't have a car at the time and waiting for the bus to come and spending another 20 min on the bus just take up even more time than the time i spent working in the lab. It wasn't a horrible job, but i dont think i appreciated it enough. it did give me this one summer working with and having the priviledge of knowing this really hot summer intern in my lab. He had the most amazing eyes and a great smile to match and was just all over gorgeous. and he ended up taking a summer class in my genetics class and came to sit with me every time (well, i was a REALLY big dork then)! to this day i still can't believe we studied together which almost caused me immediate seizure on the spot out of nervousness, but that's another story to tell.

So the job at the lab was pretty laid-back. But when i had the ultimate job -- being a note-taker for a bio class -- that was the easiest $10/hr i ever made. you basically show up to class, type everything up, and sell it to the class, period.

So now i'm realizing that i am testing my endurance to the maximum with the current job i hold. i hate it when i have to be there, not 5 to 6 hrs. NINE hours at the pharmacy. According to california law you're entitled to a 15 min break per 4 hrs of working. well, not happening at this pharmacy. you're there till your lunch time then you're back for the rest of your shift. and no chairs.

when i look back to the days i complained about working in the dishroom for 4 hrs and having occasionally rude customers, i think THAT is heaven now (for reasons listed in my previous posts, relating to my current complaints of the job at the pharmacy).

It's funny how when you look back in life you realize how easy you had it then. Right now, my priority in life, is to find a job sitting down. and being able to actually eat my lunch in peace. when you look at the popped veins on my legs you'd know why.

in a way i can't wait til my summer is over, so that i can stop having to work extended shifts and actually sit my ass down in a chair for 6 hours listening to boring lectures. :P

(somehow that just sounded very negative, but i really meant it in a very appreciative manner.....)

my latest celebrity crush

Well, okay, i know by posting this, i'm officially admitting that i'm a single woman with nothing better to do than updating my celebrity crushes. but i'm only doing it for the clothes!

So i've been in love with Sienna Miller's non-chalant style for the longest time. I love how she's able to throw together pieces of simple designs and makes something stylish out of them. You dont even need expensive clothes to pull it off. she looks nice in long, unkempt hair, as well as short, messy 'do's. i can't tell you how many times i was tempted to just chop off my hair just look that carefree. but luckily, i haven't. i might one day, but i suppose i have to be crazy enough. because my features are just not the same. and my skin has to clear up first, but i digress. :P

However, during the past few months, she has turned into a really, really irritating someone who i'd really like to hate. Not because of her style changed. she still looks amazing, as i last checked on her website. It's the life style she leads, jumping from one 'husband of others' to another. and i'm having a hard time liking someone whose morals i don't agree with. so i've sorta started developing this girl crush for someone else.

Her name is Blake Lively. And she's been in movies like Sisterhood of traveling pants and most recently, Gossip Girl on CW. and as much as i hate the idea of the show, talking about a bunch of NY high schoolers screwing each other while in designer clothes, which is pretty far from reality. however regardless of the content of the show, she is one naturally pretty blond. and i like her clothes on and off the show which are so chic and elegant.

so she has officially become my new girl crush, and she was born in '87, i know. so sad. :(