thanks for the initiative...people :P

this is a post reflecting on some very current and bizarre comments i hear these days...thanks for providing the initiative for me to date/get married...-_-

So yesterday I was visiting my dermatologist for my skin problems. And like always, I waited forever before i was finally seen. And usually we keep our conversation to the minimum, because she's always been busy and kind of impersonal. I have to honestly say that I didn't like my dermatologist very much for these reasons.

So half way through my treatment, she got a call on her cell, and she stepped out of the room to answer it. before she left, i was told that it was her attorney, at which point i thought "wtf!" she better not be in some kind of malpractice lawsuit. which made me feel uncomfortable thinking something might happen to my face as well.

When she came back, she told me that she had to answer it cuz she was actually going through a divorce. From that point on it was like a flooded gate just opened. She started telling me that the ophthamologist who co-run the clinic with her (who also has his commercial on tv) was her husband. One day out of the blue he decided to get a girlfriend, and my doc for the longest time tried to ignore it but in the end didn't think she deserved it. So they are getting a divorce.

Then all the unanswered questions have been answered. I thought these two doctors were both attractive, and have wondered if they were classmates who opened the practice together, it turned out that they were actually MARRIED. And the ophthamologist has always been a really attractive man, not that i was attracted to him, but i could tell he was good looking for his age. Too bad he had to find that mid-life validation like all other men who cheated.

So i felt genuinely bad for my doc, who i almost never spoke about anything other than my skincare routine. She then told me she has two kids, one 10 and one 7 y/o who are both adorable. And she was married for 10 years to her soon to be ex-husband. She asked me if i was seeing someone, and i told her the honest truth that it's been a long time since i had gone out. and the relationship ended for reasons i could never know. She then immediately made the conclusion that there must have been someone else, because no relationship would end without a third party. honestly i dont think i care anymore because my ex isn't even worth a synapse of my nerve cells, and i can honestly say that i no longer have feelings for him.

And for some reason i feel really sad about this whole thing after i left her office. it was the first time my doctor or any doctor for that matter ever opened up to me as woman to woman, and i guess going through a hardship would do that to you. Yes i think that was honestly too much information but I really felt bad and didn't mind so much. It only made me feel hopeless about the future, because I can totally see that the two docs were so compatible. they are still attractive now, but you can obviously tell my dermatologist is about 40 y/o now. it forces you look at the sad fact that undeniably women are always each other's enemies, because there will always be someone much younger, who's eager to marry your husband. (which is why i REFUSE to get with anyone who is much older than i am).

And then today in the pharmacy, this customer was telling me about his friend who graduated from pharm school probably many years ago (he's this 90 year old patient). And he said this girl WASN'T PRETTY (since when are men allowed to comment about the plainess of their female friends to a total stranger??), but graduated with a pharm degree, and married her pharmacology professor, who later left her. I'm so sure at that point my face was close to twitching uncontrollably, was i supposed to learn anything from his anecdote?? so basically, a plain jane like me, if ever married to someone smart, will be divorced eventually??

And then there was that friend of cousin B's at the bachelorette party, one of the first things she told me when we met at the pool was that she went out with this guy all throughout four years of college, and when they graduated, he dumped her. So according to her, the moral of the message was that, DO NOT COMMITT.

I have to say that, if i get a penny for everytime someone tells me a depressing single woman story which i can somehow see my reflection in, i would be a VERY rich person who can quit school right now and go on a vacation in the bahamas (by myself). I just cannot believe how my outlook has come to be so sad. everywhere i look or turn i see/hear woman being cheated on/screwed over. especially if you're successful, you can pretty much sit on your ass and wait for shit to happen. So much initiative for me to go out and date. I AM only 25 right now, and i shouldn't be so pessimistic about everything, but i won't stay young forever. one day i'll be one of those women patients i have at my pharmacy picking up her own cholesterol meds using my walker and telling people about someone who left me years ago.

How can i ever believe that "I Love you" is not "I love you right now" or "I love you until i meet someone 10 years younger"?

And that's why i have a feeling that prince charming for me may not exists at all. no one can love you more than yourself.

although i still believe in fairy tales, sadly. :(