Week update: some eating, more eating, and the beach

There wasnt' much going on this week, except that i have work on thurs and saturday (and thankfully eventless shifts), it was nice and relaxing. A few things worth noted:

French Class:
turns out that, even though i had taken the placement test and should be at a higher level, Berlitz screwed it up again. I had to wait 2 weeks before i attended my first class (and asked for these days off work), and it turned out to be a BEGINNER's class. They were actually starting from the VERY, VERY basic stuff like "how are you" and the colors. I was majorly pissed off and asked that the rest of my lessons be turned into tutor hours. I might just get these hours over with and be done with Berlitz. I have waited thus far for my summer french class and it's already the end of july and NOTHING really happened for me. I do not and will not recommend this institution to another. and by looking at their textbook it's not as well arranged as the one they used at the community college which i attended. I have to say most of the knowledge i have of the language comes from the class i took at PCC 3 years ago. LOVED my teacher who was so nice and passionate about france and french culture and she made it so fun!

Lola's:
http://www.lolasla.com/
went there with a pharm class mate. a very nice relaxing evening, the server was extremely friendly and upbeat, and the martini's were so yummy! i had the peach puree and strawberry field martinis. highly recommended for a girl's night out thing. had a real fun time catching up with my single girlfriend.

Tahoe Galbi:
http://www.yelp.com/biz/tahoe-bbq-los-angeles
went there on wed night because a friend had invited me. it was a very nice and upbeat korean bbq place that serves all you can eat. there were 3 other guys and two girls who were really cool and funny. except i wasn't particularly into dating any of them. :P

Mi Piace:
http://www.mipiace.com/

Venice Beach:
It was such a fun day at the beach. we all woke up to go to this really nice brunch place in downtown venice beach called Rose Cafe:
http://www.rosecafe.com/
i probably blogged about this place before. i'm glad my parents also enjoyed their omelettes and deli selections. We then headed down to the beach and rented a body board to play in the water a bit. i am still TERRIBLE at it and drank lots of of water. :P it was so salty i swear something was going to shoot out of my nose, and the fact that my swimsuit bottom had become very lose did not help!i was probably butt naked half of the time. :P sorry to have flashed everyone! but it was fun to just hang with my sisters and spent quality time together. I'm glad we finally get to do this!

Orris:
http://www.orrisrestaurant.com/
Yummy, yummy, yummy frech/japanese fusion restaurant. We came here right after the beach because my parents were here a couple days ago and wanted to share this nice place with us. has very created fusion food, some of the more memorable: Baked Romain lettus with shaved parmasian cheese on it; trio of smoked salmon croquette, Rose wine from La cote Bleue; lamb Loin; ravioli with shrimp paste and shitake mushroom...etc. everything comes in tapas size so you get to try ONE BITE of everything. ;) and then i just realized that this place is actually right next to the karaoke place and the milk tea place where i have hung out wiht friends before. Everything looks so different in day light.

Weird happening:
On the way walking to Orris, some car was honking at us as we crossed the street. I didn't think we broke any law but turned around to look anyway. As it turned out, some guys in an SUV thought they saw me last time at a club! What the Heck?! I haven't clubbed in ages! and i dont even like clubs! and i dont even look like a scantily dressed clubber?! and this is NOT the first time i've gotten asked/recognized for such things before. there must be a body double of myself roaming around in my city doing unspeakable things. Show thyself before you ruin my reputation out there! >_<

a repetitive one

so just got back from work 2 hrs ago (it's midnight right now), am feeling the same feelings as i've always felt, drained, discouraged, and sad. i'm beginning to repeat myself in every post now.

- a doctor who CLEARLY knew he couldn't write himself a prescription for controlled medications was trying to trick me into filling the meds for him. what an asshole. and i was all trying to be helpful. clearly he was taking me along for the ride. even the pharmacist said that. very very gullible of me.

- irate patients who are rude and talk down to you

- boss telling me i need to be more careful with the cash register because apparently, the numbers don't match up when i cashier. (and i have no friggin idea why)

- boss PMSing (history repeating itself again)

- overtly PDA couple trying to show me how much they love each other, usually something like a old white man and his asian lady.

- few attractive patients, if there is any, usually picking up something for their herpes or mental medications or viagra, or picking up somethign for their wives/kids/girlfriends

there ARE a few heart-warming perks, though, in this darkness:

- some people are pleasant and understanding enough and share my pain and always comfort me about the asses i had to deal with before them.

- few people who are gracious enough to thank me by my name (they spotted it on my badge). very sweet gesture.

- the latino guy who works in the front of the store. (maybe it's not a bad idea to just give in to this ray of sunshine in my life)....even if he's 18!!! (j/k i dont really know. will have to find out)

So yeah, you think you study hard and go through school to try to be a professional, and the crap you have to deal with like your degree doesn't matter, makes you doubt your choices every day.


and i'm repeating myself, i know.

i'm in a mexican state of mind

So...since I came back from my mini vacation, i haven't completely snapped out of the vacation mode. especially when work gets really crazy, and i wish that i'm still lying on the chaise next to the pool or frolicking on the beach. :p 16 hour of the night shift can bring you back to reality. :P

However, a few interesting things have happened over the past two days at work:

-i was scheduled with this SUPER clueless pharmacist who didn't know how to do anything and i was stuck with all the work..while she casually read her book on herbal medicine. -_-

-Then someone conveniently called in sick today, so AGAIN i was super overworked because there were only the two of us there again. -_-

- someone came in for her medications for infections down there, and the nurse ordered the wrong medication for her. so she broke down in front of me crying...saying how stupid the nurse was..because she could't get her meds. a COMPLETE BRIZILLA. she kept calling that nurse retarded and stupid and using other expletives. i dont understand how brizillas are married off and i'm not. ;)

- this really gross couple came in (i mean this really old white guy and his asian gf who didn't speak much eng) i know i know..i'm being harsh but i just dont like guys with that fetish! and so he proudly announced that he's a doctor and he would like to write a prescription for himself. all the while massaging each others backs. for heaven's sake, can't you at least separate for a second?? and so i had to supress the urge of projecting vomit, and they walked off still rubbing each other's backs.

- this guy trying to get his condoms..and the shelf was locked so he asked me for the key. i didnt' know there WAS a key for the condom shelf..so i had him take me to that section and he was pointing out this Trojan MAGNUM. i was trying so hard not to laugh. its hilarious how trojan makes these funny names like Her pleasure and His pleasure and Enhanced pleasure. and I believe Magnum is for XL people having their Magnum sex. the sound of it just makes me want to laugh. this is why you know doctors/nurses/pharmacists/any healthcare professional do laugh after you leave if you happen to have some embarrassing disease. sadly i'm not very professional yet. :P

ok i'm officially updating my trip in Cabo tomorrow! :-)

thanks for the initiative...people :P

this is a post reflecting on some very current and bizarre comments i hear these days...thanks for providing the initiative for me to date/get married...-_-

So yesterday I was visiting my dermatologist for my skin problems. And like always, I waited forever before i was finally seen. And usually we keep our conversation to the minimum, because she's always been busy and kind of impersonal. I have to honestly say that I didn't like my dermatologist very much for these reasons.

So half way through my treatment, she got a call on her cell, and she stepped out of the room to answer it. before she left, i was told that it was her attorney, at which point i thought "wtf!" she better not be in some kind of malpractice lawsuit. which made me feel uncomfortable thinking something might happen to my face as well.

When she came back, she told me that she had to answer it cuz she was actually going through a divorce. From that point on it was like a flooded gate just opened. She started telling me that the ophthamologist who co-run the clinic with her (who also has his commercial on tv) was her husband. One day out of the blue he decided to get a girlfriend, and my doc for the longest time tried to ignore it but in the end didn't think she deserved it. So they are getting a divorce.

Then all the unanswered questions have been answered. I thought these two doctors were both attractive, and have wondered if they were classmates who opened the practice together, it turned out that they were actually MARRIED. And the ophthamologist has always been a really attractive man, not that i was attracted to him, but i could tell he was good looking for his age. Too bad he had to find that mid-life validation like all other men who cheated.

So i felt genuinely bad for my doc, who i almost never spoke about anything other than my skincare routine. She then told me she has two kids, one 10 and one 7 y/o who are both adorable. And she was married for 10 years to her soon to be ex-husband. She asked me if i was seeing someone, and i told her the honest truth that it's been a long time since i had gone out. and the relationship ended for reasons i could never know. She then immediately made the conclusion that there must have been someone else, because no relationship would end without a third party. honestly i dont think i care anymore because my ex isn't even worth a synapse of my nerve cells, and i can honestly say that i no longer have feelings for him.

And for some reason i feel really sad about this whole thing after i left her office. it was the first time my doctor or any doctor for that matter ever opened up to me as woman to woman, and i guess going through a hardship would do that to you. Yes i think that was honestly too much information but I really felt bad and didn't mind so much. It only made me feel hopeless about the future, because I can totally see that the two docs were so compatible. they are still attractive now, but you can obviously tell my dermatologist is about 40 y/o now. it forces you look at the sad fact that undeniably women are always each other's enemies, because there will always be someone much younger, who's eager to marry your husband. (which is why i REFUSE to get with anyone who is much older than i am).

And then today in the pharmacy, this customer was telling me about his friend who graduated from pharm school probably many years ago (he's this 90 year old patient). And he said this girl WASN'T PRETTY (since when are men allowed to comment about the plainess of their female friends to a total stranger??), but graduated with a pharm degree, and married her pharmacology professor, who later left her. I'm so sure at that point my face was close to twitching uncontrollably, was i supposed to learn anything from his anecdote?? so basically, a plain jane like me, if ever married to someone smart, will be divorced eventually??

And then there was that friend of cousin B's at the bachelorette party, one of the first things she told me when we met at the pool was that she went out with this guy all throughout four years of college, and when they graduated, he dumped her. So according to her, the moral of the message was that, DO NOT COMMITT.

I have to say that, if i get a penny for everytime someone tells me a depressing single woman story which i can somehow see my reflection in, i would be a VERY rich person who can quit school right now and go on a vacation in the bahamas (by myself). I just cannot believe how my outlook has come to be so sad. everywhere i look or turn i see/hear woman being cheated on/screwed over. especially if you're successful, you can pretty much sit on your ass and wait for shit to happen. So much initiative for me to go out and date. I AM only 25 right now, and i shouldn't be so pessimistic about everything, but i won't stay young forever. one day i'll be one of those women patients i have at my pharmacy picking up her own cholesterol meds using my walker and telling people about someone who left me years ago.

How can i ever believe that "I Love you" is not "I love you right now" or "I love you until i meet someone 10 years younger"?

And that's why i have a feeling that prince charming for me may not exists at all. no one can love you more than yourself.

although i still believe in fairy tales, sadly. :(

Letting go....

Today as i was bending backwards to clean up the house and my crap that's been lying around the house for 10 years, i came across a box of "stuff" i had saved since college. It's full of memories, letters, notes, bday cards, presents, pictures i had accumulated over the years. my roommate at the time who i seldomly keep in touch with now, wrote me these cards that were so cute and funny at the same time. We eventually grew apart for some reason, but I was remember how big a loser I was at the time and she still was such a great friend to me. I still clearly remember that I was always feeling miserable and kinda lonely, and i never quite got over my breakup, but looking at these cards/note/letters/pictures now reminds me of how fortunate I was to have these people around. Aside from that roommate, most these people are still as close to me as ever. Especially my friends from Taiwan, they probably see my transformation the most. From that dork i used to be (probably still am) to the person I am today. It's hard to make yourself live in the moment and appreciate what you have until all things have passed.

There was another bag i probably haven't opened for years, and even i was caught off guard by these memorabilia from when i was going out with hunter. There were these letters he sent to me, emails i printed out, emails from MYSELF that i printed out about reasons why i thought he was a sweetie to me, and cards from our anniversary and important holidays, and these last pictures of him which i still own unknowingly.

I read everything, and threw everything away. It didn't occur to me that I should at least keep something to remind myself of my past relationships when i'm old. I used to think that i should start a box for every relationship I've had. Because good or bad, i've had some fun times with these people. Well, it turns out, that at the age of 25, that was the ONLY relationship i've had. I have to say that since these are actually hard copies of his picture, once thrown away are lost forever. But I just couldn't find any legitimate reasons to keep them anymore.

I guess i just feel that, it seems sad and ironic at the same time, reading these 'words of love', when there is no love left at all. I hate to use the word now to describe our relationship because i firmly believe that two people in love don't just break up one day because they stop liking each other. At best I can only say that we LIKED each other a lot. But to read words from him that showered me with all kinds of compliments and longing is just so ironic and sad. the relationship is so over. it's been over for 7 years now.

in all honestly i dont think i've quite forgiven him, and neither do i have to. i used to think that it would take me a couple more years to be able to read these things without breaking down or feeling extremely depressed, or that next time I run into him i better be with a really hot guy so that i can show him off. But i've gotten past all that apparently. I have no feelings toward him or the relationship whatsoever, and i think i am fine the way i am, even if he appears to be doing better without me. HOnestly i really dont think i care anymore, about him or how he might think. he just wasn't 'the one'.

And can I just say that I am so glad i didn't end up with him? :)

Finally made up my mind: French it is!

Ok, so after a couple weeks of indecision and laziness, I've finally decided on the "class d'ete"---French it is! I have comtemplated about it over and over, and was really having a hard time choosing between French, piano, ballroom dancing, and surfing. I mean, I can see myself enjoy any of these activities, and they each fulfill my life in different ways (i wonder why pharmacy never made the list ;)....), but i had to look at them realistically. It is true that ballroom dancing is practical, especially at my age, when i'm starting to attend various occasions that require some dancing. It would help tremendously if i can just quit that SHUFFLE and start doing something rhythmic. I'm kinda fed up by how embarrassing i look when i'm on the dance floor. and it IS a good way to meet lots of dance partners. However i suppose the drive isn't big enough that i'm willing to commit 6 weeks of my life doing it. It seems more suitable for a school year activity, when you just go and have fun. I suppose it is the same with piano. i would LOVE to perfect my skills, seeing i'm still playing songs i used to play 10 years ago. I feel that i have definitely hit that bottleneck where I am not moving forward, and I can't play the harder songs because i can't figure out the fingers. and i'm starting to forget a lot of the old ones. and i'm frustrated with how sloppy i play my piano. if only one day i can play something more difficult from Chopin, Debussy, or Revel. However, realistically piano is such a home activity. you almost never get to play outside of your house, or if there isn't a piano available. Although I did check out this really wonderful music academy in my area, but I'm afraid since I only have 1 year left where i can receive instruction, it won't take me very far. but oh how i'd love to improve....:(

So surfing looks like something i can always pick up later in life, and it takes 3 days to learn, really..the rest you're on your own. so there's never a rush. plus, i'd really have to get in shape. at this stage i think i will stick with boogie boarding.

So this past wednesday, i called up a few places in the area that teaches foreign languages. one of the L'academie de francais. however their session began already. although pretty cheap per class, i would have to join them a month before their semester ends. so that's not very ideal. then I called up this other place and paid them a visit. and on a whim i just signed up. hence tomorrow i go in for my oral evaluation.

I often wonder if any of this is going to pay off in the future. I mean, yes, another language will always be helpful, but how is it really going to benefit my life? i may never run into a french-speaking person ever again. and even if i do, i probably dont need to engage in any kind of deep conversation with them. and if i am doing it for the sake of travelling, with the 10 vacation days what are the chances i always end up in french speaking countries...i may end up forgetting it all in another 5 years. in that case, wouldnt' it be better for me to learn say piano (entertain myself at home), surfing (work out), or ballroom dancing (you just dont forget)?

and on the other hand, whoever i talk to from my class are working their butts off. I mean, they are either enrolled in a dual degree program, pulling two jobs, or doing a internship. I always sound like such a hippie not completely devoted to what i learn at school. and in a way I do feel that i dont know as much as i SHOULD know at this point of my career. there are still many drugs i can't remember the mechanisms of action, i still have trouble remember brand vs. generic names, and i still feel like flipping out when i have to service patients who are just a pain in the ass. over the past two weeks i have been catching up, working extensively and just draining my energy, but still after a 1-10pm and then 9-6pm shift on my feet i feel like killing myself. how is it possible that i can put up with crap like this? 90% of what i do at work isn't even related to school or any relevant clinical knowledge at all! i'm explaining to patients why their copay is so high, or that we are not trying to steal their money from them, or verifying some prescriptions with TERRIBLE handwriting by some doctors.

where am i going after this? and what am i really doing with my life? everyday i question myself.

a weird party and some sunshine on the beach

After i worked my butt off this week (imagine working for 33 hrs ON YOUR FEET, with shifts that run from 1-10pm and the following day 9-6pm for 3 consecutive days), i realized that i get to have sunday off! So i decided to give myself a fun, relaxing weekend, and thus accepted an invitation from my sister to attend his friend's friend's farewell party.

Complete weirdness can't even begin to describe the vibe of the party. It was thrown by these Argentinian guys, for one of them is going away to Spain for good (oddly, most non-american people never seem to worry about where their next paycheck is coming from, they just take off--- to whatever country they desire, and they all seem to have family/friends all over the world. More power to them, i guess. i mean, i'm pretty darn sure that when i'm 30 i can't live a lifestyle as carefree as theirs). And according to this curly hair green-eyed Argentinian he's just gonna sit around on the beautiful beach of Spain with his friends.

So then the party was filled with a lot of non-americans, which is fine by me. you can pretty much tell by the way they dress and the way they look, very bohemian and colors everywhere. and they all seem pretty hyper or high on something. then some of their american friends showed up, and they too, seem very hyper for no reason. So i'm guessing this is how artsy people's parties are like. just a lot of randomness, here's a few:

- hula hoops. two of them. and these 30 something grown ups are using the hula hoops to their max. shake that thang...
- Trance/techno music + disco ball. you almost feel like you're in a european club. and then you see the guys/girls dance to trance...it's like a rave (and luckily i never got into those). i tried to force myself to dance (or flail my arms aimplessly in the air to the music) but i just gave up. not that hip-hop is more my thing but at least it's not as fast-paced as trance. and all the while my sister's friend kept telling me to let go/relax...i'm guessing it'll take me indefinite shots of vodka or indefinite joints of pot to achieve that effect.
- people doing cirque du soleil stuff: two girls just randomly started doing gymnastic activities by lifting each other on their knees/butts and balance in the air. i was like wtf.....
- the said two girls proceeded to take off their clothes and got into the hot tub. completely butt naked. they were floating on water with their boobs sticking out. then one guy joined them. yucky.
- people playing fire: some guy and some girl actually started doing tricks by swinging fireballs and twirl a stick that's lit with fire on both ends. wow. i'm really in hawaii watching a show.

So i was pretty much in awe the whole time, while feeling like a complete outsider. this had to be the weirdest social function i've ever attended. no prospect for future husband material, everyone was a free spirit. and the guys still behaved like horndogs. i'm really translating all the "i'd like to get to know you better" to what it really means : i'd like to f u.

corniness.

Then sunday i woke up and met with my friends from school for brunch in venice beach. it was at The Rose caffe & Market. it was quite a bohemian place too, a restaurant inside a gallery. i had some delicious omelette and bread, and we had some really good laughs. afterwards we headed to the beach. the water was FREEZING! but we all braved the temperature and got in after about 30 min (we are such chickens). we tried to boogie board a little, was very fun indeed. then we headed back to the sand and just lay out and chatted.

The day ended with me on my way back to home, almost got into an accident. apparently i had forgotten to release the hand brake until i was already on the freeway. so i released it then, and then 5 min later i was trying to brake and my brake stopped working. i was going even faster approaching the car in front of me at 75 mph. i freaked and hit the other pedal (gas pedal) and the car went even farther... so i swerved to the lane next to me and then back and just went like this for minutes until my car slowed down. can you imagine? being on the freeway and your brake is not working...and there was no place to exit cuz i was at a freeway junction. finally i had an opportunity to leave, meanwhile all the cars around me were completely freaked out. they all followed 500 meters behind me slowly, probably thinking i just had a seizure or my car broke down. i drove home slowly every time having to brake 500 meters before a light so i could come to a stop. Definitely wil have to fix that car tomorrow. i almost lost my life over it!

In short, a very interesting weekend indeed. Thank god i'm still alive. :)