2007年8月24日 星期五
快樂的事情
終於過了好久的第一篇 談談一些快樂的事好了...
從台灣回來後一直都很想update網站 可是想到學校和工作不免有些心情低落不知該從何下筆 但之前在建立這個blog時告訴過自己要往正面思考 這幾天雖然的確有些不愉快的事發生 可是若從別的角度來看又沒有那麼糟的樣子 以後我一定要盡量每天寫一件快樂的事來提醒自己 至於這幾天的快樂事 包括了:
台灣同學來訪: 大逛了oulet和去環球影城大玩 鬼屋和侏羅紀公園好恐怖喔 Fear FActor也不錯看
賭城兩天一日遊: 去飯店游泳池游泳和晒腿 第一次搭賭城特快回洛杉磯 還滿奇特的遭遇
工作:越來越熟練 也比較會和顧客们應對進退
學校: 雖然還是不太期待 至少和朋友们出去時滿好玩的
和b&v 見面: 久未見的高中朋友 一起去吃許留山 好好吃喔
爸生日做大餐:菜單裡有 香蕉蜂蜜優格 美味大蒜香菜三明治 蘋果馬格利塔(margarita) 洋蔥湯
狂練鋼琴: 交響裡的歌練了一些 終級目標是德布希的快樂島和蕭邦的練習曲
找到很多古典的CD: 很多長假的歌和交響有重複喔 幾乎都是蕭邦 德布希 和舒曼的
發現有slingbox這個東西: 可以讓我看緯來日本喔喔喔喔
從台灣回來後一直都很想update網站 可是想到學校和工作不免有些心情低落不知該從何下筆 但之前在建立這個blog時告訴過自己要往正面思考 這幾天雖然的確有些不愉快的事發生 可是若從別的角度來看又沒有那麼糟的樣子 以後我一定要盡量每天寫一件快樂的事來提醒自己 至於這幾天的快樂事 包括了:
台灣同學來訪: 大逛了oulet和去環球影城大玩 鬼屋和侏羅紀公園好恐怖喔 Fear FActor也不錯看
賭城兩天一日遊: 去飯店游泳池游泳和晒腿 第一次搭賭城特快回洛杉磯 還滿奇特的遭遇
工作:越來越熟練 也比較會和顧客们應對進退
學校: 雖然還是不太期待 至少和朋友们出去時滿好玩的
和b&v 見面: 久未見的高中朋友 一起去吃許留山 好好吃喔
爸生日做大餐:菜單裡有 香蕉蜂蜜優格 美味大蒜香菜三明治 蘋果馬格利塔(margarita) 洋蔥湯
狂練鋼琴: 交響裡的歌練了一些 終級目標是德布希的快樂島和蕭邦的練習曲
找到很多古典的CD: 很多長假的歌和交響有重複喔 幾乎都是蕭邦 德布希 和舒曼的
發現有slingbox這個東西: 可以讓我看緯來日本喔喔喔喔
2007年7月22日 星期日
同學會summer 2007
今年的同學會在十一人熱情出席下圓滿的落幕了 玩了一整天回到家都腿軟 在創下紀錄的高溫下我們先去了義大利餐 玩了一整天回到家都腿軟 在創下紀錄的高溫下我們先去了義大利餐廳古拉爵吃中飯 二十幾道真的都很美味道地ㄝ 價錢也公道 離家裡五分鐘的地方就有分店 真的一定要再回去捧 價錢也公道 離家裡五分鐘的地方就有分店 真的一定要在回去捧場一下
大家吃吃喝喝聊聊 時間一下就過了 真的是每半年見一次面 話都說不完 吃後要續攤 跑去誠品吹了一下冷氣 就去吃鴉片粉圓 真的是還不錯吃 可是我還是對家附近的豆漿家豆花情有獨鍾
吃完去好樂迪唱了兩小時的歌 又是在ktv理大吃大喝的 低銷還真的是滿貴的ㄝ 部過我挑戰了幾手沒唱過的歌 背叛 和mr. Q偷很好唱喔 反映不錯
唱完又和伊些同學會面 去了台北車站的 古典玫瑰園 點了一壺好喝的水果茶 之後他們還要通霄續攤 只可惜我家管嚴無法相伴
在台灣的一群好朋友我愛你們 <3 <3 每次回去都超捨不得的:*( 真的希望能永遠維持友誼下去 大家都不要變喔!!;)
謝謝你們每次載我回家 超溫馨:D!!
大家吃吃喝喝聊聊 時間一下就過了 真的是每半年見一次面 話都說不完 吃後要續攤 跑去誠品吹了一下冷氣 就去吃鴉片粉圓 真的是還不錯吃 可是我還是對家附近的豆漿家豆花情有獨鍾
吃完去好樂迪唱了兩小時的歌 又是在ktv理大吃大喝的 低銷還真的是滿貴的ㄝ 部過我挑戰了幾手沒唱過的歌 背叛 和mr. Q偷很好唱喔 反映不錯
唱完又和伊些同學會面 去了台北車站的 古典玫瑰園 點了一壺好喝的水果茶 之後他們還要通霄續攤 只可惜我家管嚴無法相伴
在台灣的一群好朋友我愛你們 <3 <3 每次回去都超捨不得的:*( 真的希望能永遠維持友誼下去 大家都不要變喔!!;)
謝謝你們每次載我回家 超溫馨:D!!
2007年7月19日 星期四
好忙
Was planning to update my blog almost everyday this summer since I have nothing ambitious planned, but It's looking like I only updated twice since I returned from Europe and most of them COMPLAINTS!! I'm hoping to update everything in Chinese for it to be easy for my parents to read but no didn't happen either...because I would still be at the first 字 if i wasn't typing in english right now. :(
Anyway so what are the things I'm busy doing? well....
1. studying for GMAT (in case i do decid to do business after this...but THIS is taking another 3 years so I am really not feeling all that motivated right now. but i'd rather take it and get it over with and not when i've forgotten all of my math).
2. Practicing piano. Inspired by J I've decided to return to piano and drift away from the Sonatina's i've been playing over the years. Chopin and Debussy just sound so much better, and even though i'm breaking my fingers trying to play these songs I am determined to play them and play them well.
3. Listening to at least language podcast a day. After visiting so many places i realized that knowing only English and Chinese is not nearly enough. So i'm going to start on French, Italian, German..in that order (and IF i can really get that many down).
4. Watching Japanese dramas...Okay this is not exactly a chore but this is something I've enjoyed much every summer. So I'm setting aside about 2 hours everyday to catch up with the latest 流星花園 她的秘密花園 交響情人夢.
5. Finishing reading extracurricular books, esp. those having to do with financial/investment in's and out's. So far i've done 90% of Freakonomics and 0% of Rich Dad Poor Dad and 0% of The World is Flat. Meaning I still have a long way to go.
6. Reconnecting with old friends. I never realized how much I missed them until I actually saw them. I'm hoping to see them a couple more times until I leave.
Btw, I'm trying to not think about work as that gives me immediate stress. It's making me break out already...even thought I still have a week to go. :( where did my vacation go?
Anyway so what are the things I'm busy doing? well....
1. studying for GMAT (in case i do decid to do business after this...but THIS is taking another 3 years so I am really not feeling all that motivated right now. but i'd rather take it and get it over with and not when i've forgotten all of my math).
2. Practicing piano. Inspired by J I've decided to return to piano and drift away from the Sonatina's i've been playing over the years. Chopin and Debussy just sound so much better, and even though i'm breaking my fingers trying to play these songs I am determined to play them and play them well.
3. Listening to at least language podcast a day. After visiting so many places i realized that knowing only English and Chinese is not nearly enough. So i'm going to start on French, Italian, German..in that order (and IF i can really get that many down).
4. Watching Japanese dramas...Okay this is not exactly a chore but this is something I've enjoyed much every summer. So I'm setting aside about 2 hours everyday to catch up with the latest 流星花園 她的秘密花園 交響情人夢.
5. Finishing reading extracurricular books, esp. those having to do with financial/investment in's and out's. So far i've done 90% of Freakonomics and 0% of Rich Dad Poor Dad and 0% of The World is Flat. Meaning I still have a long way to go.
6. Reconnecting with old friends. I never realized how much I missed them until I actually saw them. I'm hoping to see them a couple more times until I leave.
Btw, I'm trying to not think about work as that gives me immediate stress. It's making me break out already...even thought I still have a week to go. :( where did my vacation go?
2007年6月14日 星期四
a week ago
I just remembered that a week ago at this time what I was doing. It was 6/7, my 24th birthday, and we were getting ready to meet up with the rest of the group and Simone, the Italian tour director, was going to take us on a walking tour and farewell dinner. At 4:24 I was trying to convince R to change into her denim skirt because 1)i never saw her in a skirt, not to mention a mini one, and 2) I wanted to see what happened later that night ;). I was dressing up a bit myself, using my white skirt as tube top and i felt REALLy naked in it. Btw R had bought me a Bday sundae which was really yummy:).
We walked about the city as a group, and stopped at one of the plaza for the "apertif". the cute waiter brought over bottles of red and white wine along with little finger sandwiches which were immediately devoured by other people in our group. I was having sorta a chat with our tour director, and he mentioned that he was (or still is) working at a bar right now. And then R †old them about my Bday and I was so embarrassed to tell my age (which i didnt' have to be).
The dinner was great, had the best pasta in my life. and we all went to a bar together...which turned out to be somewhat fun and awkward because of that Camel Back guy. Anyway I tried a French Martini and chatted some more with people in my group. But R seemed to be attracting a lot of the locals ;). Hehe.
I wish I can turn back time. It was one of the best b-days since I turned 17.
We walked about the city as a group, and stopped at one of the plaza for the "apertif". the cute waiter brought over bottles of red and white wine along with little finger sandwiches which were immediately devoured by other people in our group. I was having sorta a chat with our tour director, and he mentioned that he was (or still is) working at a bar right now. And then R †old them about my Bday and I was so embarrassed to tell my age (which i didnt' have to be).
The dinner was great, had the best pasta in my life. and we all went to a bar together...which turned out to be somewhat fun and awkward because of that Camel Back guy. Anyway I tried a French Martini and chatted some more with people in my group. But R seemed to be attracting a lot of the locals ;). Hehe.
I wish I can turn back time. It was one of the best b-days since I turned 17.
Worry worry
I have been back a couple days now, and when you have nothing to do, your mind runs wild.
Anyone who knows me knows,that it's not a secret, that I've been thinking about leaving school. I've been thinking about it since 3 years ago, even before I applied. So it's reasonable when my sister asked, why now? I should have already figured it out 3 years ago. The answer is complicated:
First of all, when i volunteered at the pharmacies, I knew I hated it. But considering what I studied in college, there's only really a couple choices i have. I could go into healthcare, research, or throw myself into the business world. I had a job at a lab for 2 years, and I absolutely cannot fathom myself being in that work enviornment. I dont know if i can really work on something for a couple years, and may I remind you, the bio labs STINK. As an entry level researcher you pretty much grow bacteria/yeast that smell like crap so you can work on the molecular stuff. The sight of petri dishes make me barf.
I felt at the time that healthcare is a sure-fire way to guarantee good jobs, good pay, and there is always a shortage, so why not healthcare? Specifically pharmacy, good hours, good pay, and not as demanding as medicine. I was sold. The decision was made my junior year in college.
Since then, I've been targetting everything I do toward getting into pharm school, the GE's I took, the summer school I took, the extracurricular activities I signed up for, the professors who I tried to meet, everything. I made myself volunteer once a week, for 2 years, at different pharmacies, just so I can stand out from other candidates with my qualifications.
And then I realized how much it wasn't for me. But i had invested too much time I couldn't go back. Going back means that I worked so hard for nothing. So I continued with the application process with a million doubts in my head, but I couldn't go back. I coudln't shake off the feelings that I wasn't being completely honest in my application, and I had to even convince the interviewees that this is what I really want to do with the rest of my life. I think secretly I was hoping that I wouldnt' get in, so i can use that as a reason to leave the track i'm on and pursue something else.
But I did get in. And I couldn't not go. Everyone was so joyous that I felt that maybe my hardwork did pay off. So I went, and I hated every minute of it. I didn't really like my classmates but a few. We have these stupid frats that people get so passionate about. Everything has to revolve around it. I'm in a class with 80% girls, who don't really share all that much in common with me ethnically. I have no problem hanging with people from diff backgrounds, but I couls jsut tell that no matter how hard I try I still am an outsider looking in at their little cliques. My hair started falling out, i had really bad eczema during exam season that drov3 me crazy. I never felt like studying because I could no longer pretend that I care about diabetes mellitus at all. My apititute changet is singing so loud I could no longer ignore it. But i can't go back.
I applied for jobs and started working at a pharmacy. And i HATED it. I was yelled at by customers almost every time i come in. I jsut wasnt' getting the job satisfaction I was looking for. I was sick of having to perform mindless tasks like filling prescription, typing up prescription, dealing with insurance, dealing with irate customers, dealing with technicians who doubt my ability, dealing with pharmacists who abuse the interns.
But I can't go back, I already spent 4 years in colelge studying for bio (at the time it was fun), I tailored all my classes toward pharmacy prerequisites. If i dont do this anymore, I'm wasting the knowledge I have in my head right now. And what else can I do if not pharmacy?
So my confidence is experiencing a new low. When I was younger I was excited about the opportunities I may have when I grow up, I may be going to a really good school, I may be meeting a really cool guy at school, I may be diogn soething I really like. But now I am 24, I absolutely hated the field I am in, and I have put in a LOT more expectations into my future relationsihps hoping it would alleviate all my pain (which is impossible). So there is no one, because school and work take up 80% of my time and the rest I'm sitting on my ass studying for good practices of pharmacy or compounding a cream. And I feel empty.
If i continue with this, I may or may not thank myslef when I get out in 3 years. But 3 years is a long time, esp when you're living it.
I feel that I cannot let my parents down, who think that i'm well onto my future career. It would be such a dissapointment to them and to my relatives that someone who they always deemed bright has become a drop out. And how might I explain to my future employer why i lack references (because the professors and my boss from the places I drop out from definitely will not write me one).
And it was reasonable when my sister pointed out that, pharmacy is not the only way to make a living. It's not that or beggin on the street. I've just limited myself for so long that I can't see other possibilities. It may be true, but considering for the past 4 years i only learned about things relating to pharmacy/science, having no remote business knowledge at all, it would be difficult for me to start brand new somewhere else.
But I can't go back. The stake is too high. I can't disspoint myself and everyone. But if i keep going i can't turn back. And next thing I know, I will be 27, graduating with a lot more regrets than I do right now.
Anyone who knows me knows,that it's not a secret, that I've been thinking about leaving school. I've been thinking about it since 3 years ago, even before I applied. So it's reasonable when my sister asked, why now? I should have already figured it out 3 years ago. The answer is complicated:
First of all, when i volunteered at the pharmacies, I knew I hated it. But considering what I studied in college, there's only really a couple choices i have. I could go into healthcare, research, or throw myself into the business world. I had a job at a lab for 2 years, and I absolutely cannot fathom myself being in that work enviornment. I dont know if i can really work on something for a couple years, and may I remind you, the bio labs STINK. As an entry level researcher you pretty much grow bacteria/yeast that smell like crap so you can work on the molecular stuff. The sight of petri dishes make me barf.
I felt at the time that healthcare is a sure-fire way to guarantee good jobs, good pay, and there is always a shortage, so why not healthcare? Specifically pharmacy, good hours, good pay, and not as demanding as medicine. I was sold. The decision was made my junior year in college.
Since then, I've been targetting everything I do toward getting into pharm school, the GE's I took, the summer school I took, the extracurricular activities I signed up for, the professors who I tried to meet, everything. I made myself volunteer once a week, for 2 years, at different pharmacies, just so I can stand out from other candidates with my qualifications.
And then I realized how much it wasn't for me. But i had invested too much time I couldn't go back. Going back means that I worked so hard for nothing. So I continued with the application process with a million doubts in my head, but I couldn't go back. I coudln't shake off the feelings that I wasn't being completely honest in my application, and I had to even convince the interviewees that this is what I really want to do with the rest of my life. I think secretly I was hoping that I wouldnt' get in, so i can use that as a reason to leave the track i'm on and pursue something else.
But I did get in. And I couldn't not go. Everyone was so joyous that I felt that maybe my hardwork did pay off. So I went, and I hated every minute of it. I didn't really like my classmates but a few. We have these stupid frats that people get so passionate about. Everything has to revolve around it. I'm in a class with 80% girls, who don't really share all that much in common with me ethnically. I have no problem hanging with people from diff backgrounds, but I couls jsut tell that no matter how hard I try I still am an outsider looking in at their little cliques. My hair started falling out, i had really bad eczema during exam season that drov3 me crazy. I never felt like studying because I could no longer pretend that I care about diabetes mellitus at all. My apititute changet is singing so loud I could no longer ignore it. But i can't go back.
I applied for jobs and started working at a pharmacy. And i HATED it. I was yelled at by customers almost every time i come in. I jsut wasnt' getting the job satisfaction I was looking for. I was sick of having to perform mindless tasks like filling prescription, typing up prescription, dealing with insurance, dealing with irate customers, dealing with technicians who doubt my ability, dealing with pharmacists who abuse the interns.
But I can't go back, I already spent 4 years in colelge studying for bio (at the time it was fun), I tailored all my classes toward pharmacy prerequisites. If i dont do this anymore, I'm wasting the knowledge I have in my head right now. And what else can I do if not pharmacy?
So my confidence is experiencing a new low. When I was younger I was excited about the opportunities I may have when I grow up, I may be going to a really good school, I may be meeting a really cool guy at school, I may be diogn soething I really like. But now I am 24, I absolutely hated the field I am in, and I have put in a LOT more expectations into my future relationsihps hoping it would alleviate all my pain (which is impossible). So there is no one, because school and work take up 80% of my time and the rest I'm sitting on my ass studying for good practices of pharmacy or compounding a cream. And I feel empty.
If i continue with this, I may or may not thank myslef when I get out in 3 years. But 3 years is a long time, esp when you're living it.
I feel that I cannot let my parents down, who think that i'm well onto my future career. It would be such a dissapointment to them and to my relatives that someone who they always deemed bright has become a drop out. And how might I explain to my future employer why i lack references (because the professors and my boss from the places I drop out from definitely will not write me one).
And it was reasonable when my sister pointed out that, pharmacy is not the only way to make a living. It's not that or beggin on the street. I've just limited myself for so long that I can't see other possibilities. It may be true, but considering for the past 4 years i only learned about things relating to pharmacy/science, having no remote business knowledge at all, it would be difficult for me to start brand new somewhere else.
But I can't go back. The stake is too high. I can't disspoint myself and everyone. But if i keep going i can't turn back. And next thing I know, I will be 27, graduating with a lot more regrets than I do right now.
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