long awaited update

Well, now that i'm back in thousand oaks and my parents have gone back to Taiwan, I can finally write a few things about my current situtations and thoughts..

*warning: thoughts may be extremely negative or pessimistic...read at your own risk. ;)..*

Basically,

1. Still can't decide if industry or hospital is the thing for me. Of course at this point, both are hard to get in. I feel like I can never read my boss. I am doing my industry rotation right now and it's been 3 weeks and I still feel like I dont know anything and i'm not impressing her enough. i am assigned mostly menial tasks and word processing jobs that anybody can do. I am not sure if that really shows my ability as a person. I mean, writing up email templates and compiling email lists hardly constitute something only a pharm.d. can do. I am beginning to wonder if i will get that foot in the door. another project i'm also working on is creating the fellowship brochure and application. The ironic thing is, I may have to end up using it to apply for the position with the company, and still not get it. :/ according to my boss, it's a brutal competition (see what i mean? she says this without an ounce of encouragement). basically people with no experience can just kind of forget about it.

2. still somewhat asocial at the company. so if by some freakish chance i did get the fellowship, i dont know if this will be the best place to start. you pretty much work with people who are all married with children and nobody goes to happy hour/lunch together. and you sit in your cubicle all day. A nice way to prolong my singleness for sure and down the road of old-maid. whereas if i worked a couple years in the hospital, i could still be around people my age (interns, residents, nurses, physical therapiest...etc.). but then, those people could all be married too or have gfs or have no interest in me. yikes! :(

3. somewhat sad to learn that I still think that whatever guy on my team is attractive even though he's not available. to give you an idea, he looks like Jim on the Office, but better looking. yes. i need to start meeting people online so i can get out of this pathetic cycle of meeting unavailable men.

Speaking of Jim, the other night I was watching the climax of the series...Jim and Pam getting married. and pretty much like always, they looked adorable like always, and THAT is how you want an office romance to happen. and he said and did all the right things. somehow i think media is the one to blame for all the fluffy thoughts in our heads. i swear i cannot listen to another "i was in love with a girl but she had a bf at the time. But i waited 4 years for her" and "i knew she was the one i wanted to marry the day i met her."

not true to some.

FYI: