I will get into it later..the THAT part. but yes, i finally made it to my first ever happy hour with some coworkers from work and everyone was extremely cool and i had a lot of fun. lots of food, lots of beer, and i finally felt like things could be better, except i'm leaving next week. :/ I mean, i still dont think i've gotten the whole picture about industry, but i'm satisfied to leave on this note. There were a couple guys from the med info team who were really chill and they were actually nice enough to talk to me about school and other stuff so the night was filled with lots of joking around...and therefore lifted my mood from:
Right before I left for the Happy Hour, i was at a company Halloween party inside the auditorium of our building. It was for little kids but we thought we would drop by for the candies..and for the cute little kids. It was pretty cool...to see all the happy parents with the cutest kids. and then we stood in line for psychic reading. Just for fun. and we waited forever, but it was free so we didn't mind it.Everyone who left the tent thought it was pretty accurate. so i had pretty high hopes for it. mostly just for relationship questions. liek when and where and if i'll ever meet that person.
So it was finally my turn, and then i had to pull 12 tarot cards out for her to read. And then, she told me this:
Basically, I am pretty tired and sick of what i've been doing right now. I am sick of the guys i've been meeting and who i amd infatuated with. and the never ending cycle. and then by March of next year, i will stop dating altogether. I will just stop. and then she started counting the months one by one...until december. so i wont meet anyone and wont have anyone to date. And then finally i will meet that person, in 1.5 years, and marry for money. yes, that's what she said. i will marry for money. a provider. and she said there will not be that much love but we will get used to it. most likely by arranged marriage of some sort. but he will be rich.
yes. you get the picture.my face probably turned green after that. that was a pretty horrible reading for any girl, lest a single girl who really wants to find the one she likes.
i did NOT stand in line for that. and i seriously thought i was going to sign up for match.com when i walked out the door. just to prove her wrong. so i'm waiting all these years just to marry a 50 year old rich dude who's probably bald and fat.
anyway, let's hope that's not true. :[
2009年10月29日 星期四
2009年10月28日 星期三
Halloween Schmalloween
I know i said this many times, no more pissy posts! but today was not a good day so i have to vent a little (and not into my poor aunt's ears...i'm sure she got a earful already from the past 4 weeks...).
Last night was a good night, i went to a concert at House of Blues with a co-worker and saw Colbie Caillat and Howie Day, met some new people, and ate this really yummy burger. it was a good day.
but this morning, I came in and i saw this email from my mom saying that she got sick, so that got me a little worried. And then my little sister texted me to tell me that she hit someone's car, so i had to help take care of that. and my mom was trying to get me to tell her my little sister's facebook account so she can monitor her pictures...
Anyway, so people were asking me left and right about Halloween plans, and i really dont have any! I could go to my sister's friend's friend's house party, but that would require me to dress up. And judging from my experience from the halloween store this afternoon, i would have to look like slutty (insert profession) in order to find something in the store. there was literally nothing below your private parts. Dont get me wrong, i'm not insecure about my body, and i am sure i will regret not showing it more when i get older. but i have no desire to flaunt all my girly bits in front of a roomful of strangers. I might as well go to victoria's Secret and get a "costume" and just wear devil's horns....
and all i really wanted to do was go see Where the Wild Things are. Honestly, i think halloween is a kid's holiday. It's cute when they dress like pumpkins and whatever and trick or treat. But when you're an adult you feel compelled to go somewhere and do somethign and meet some people. and it's kiling the fun for me. knowing that i have to first drive back to LA from Thousand oaks, get a costume for 40 bucks, drive myself to west LA and go to the party, and make small talks..i'm just really sick of it all. I'm sure whatever funk i was in i'm still not completely getting out of it. it may be a mild case of social anxiety. may be just because i am giving myself a ton of pressure so every social event is potentially the social event in which i have to prove myself to land a potential mate.
so yesterday some guy came up to me when i was having my lunch in peace. he looked about 35 or above, not bad looking, but not erally my type primary because of his age ( i dont believe in dating guys who are much older). i didnt reject him brutally, but i also didn't buy into that whole speech with compliments. but i did keep his business card (because i wont give out my number). i'm kinda worried that one of these days when i feel weak i might call this guy up. someone should really take that business card and burn it before i lose my head.
Last night was a good night, i went to a concert at House of Blues with a co-worker and saw Colbie Caillat and Howie Day, met some new people, and ate this really yummy burger. it was a good day.
but this morning, I came in and i saw this email from my mom saying that she got sick, so that got me a little worried. And then my little sister texted me to tell me that she hit someone's car, so i had to help take care of that. and my mom was trying to get me to tell her my little sister's facebook account so she can monitor her pictures...
Anyway, so people were asking me left and right about Halloween plans, and i really dont have any! I could go to my sister's friend's friend's house party, but that would require me to dress up. And judging from my experience from the halloween store this afternoon, i would have to look like slutty (insert profession) in order to find something in the store. there was literally nothing below your private parts. Dont get me wrong, i'm not insecure about my body, and i am sure i will regret not showing it more when i get older. but i have no desire to flaunt all my girly bits in front of a roomful of strangers. I might as well go to victoria's Secret and get a "costume" and just wear devil's horns....
and all i really wanted to do was go see Where the Wild Things are. Honestly, i think halloween is a kid's holiday. It's cute when they dress like pumpkins and whatever and trick or treat. But when you're an adult you feel compelled to go somewhere and do somethign and meet some people. and it's kiling the fun for me. knowing that i have to first drive back to LA from Thousand oaks, get a costume for 40 bucks, drive myself to west LA and go to the party, and make small talks..i'm just really sick of it all. I'm sure whatever funk i was in i'm still not completely getting out of it. it may be a mild case of social anxiety. may be just because i am giving myself a ton of pressure so every social event is potentially the social event in which i have to prove myself to land a potential mate.
so yesterday some guy came up to me when i was having my lunch in peace. he looked about 35 or above, not bad looking, but not erally my type primary because of his age ( i dont believe in dating guys who are much older). i didnt reject him brutally, but i also didn't buy into that whole speech with compliments. but i did keep his business card (because i wont give out my number). i'm kinda worried that one of these days when i feel weak i might call this guy up. someone should really take that business card and burn it before i lose my head.
2009年10月18日 星期日
the rest of your life is now
Lately I've been feeling like I have to make decisions about the rest of my life right this instant. What area i want to practice in, what region, what company, what kind of lifestyle, my marriage status....etc. It's like very day someone is screaming into my ear that if i were to become anything and go anywhere and be married i have to make that decision, right now.
Initially i thought that in a perfect world, I could just do a year of residency (at the hospital whereever i may) or a year of fellowship (at a pharmaceutical company wherever they will take me), and if i really like it, i'll continue. If not, i can always swtich to another route. That is, until I started this current rotation.
The ironic thing is, i've always THOUGHT that industry was my thing. I pretty much went to pharmacy school because of the potential of going into industry. I thought the opportunieis should be abundant, the work force should be quite varied, and there should be plenty of room for growth. Well, all of the above are correct. I like that you dont need to know every drug there is on earth and have to know them well. You focus on your product, and you get to work with people with different backgrounds who also aim to sell the product with you. and since there are people who are NOT pharmacists, there should be more dating potential, blah blah blah.
So the next thing i know, I am at my current rotation. Like I said before, i am assigned very stupid assignments like word processing and writing invitations, compiling email listserv, rearranging the design of a handbook. These assignments are so embarrassing, that even when i did go to one of their farewell parties for someone, people didn't know what to say and of course i felt like giant shit. As if i didn't have enough things to alienate myself from the marketing people (unless if i decided to join their beer-chucking contest). I am half way through my rotation, and yet i felt like i literally haven't learned anything constructive to talk about during my future interviews. Worst of all, the experience is making me want to go into industry LESS. i hate having to sit through stupid meetings just to play with words/phrases that practically dont matter, i hate that we have to kiss the doc's asses so they would speak on our behalf about our products, i hate that i have to sit in a cubicle for 9 hr a day and take lunch by myself bc apparently nobody takes lunch together here, i hate that nobody even wants to go to happy hour together, i hate that all of the guys here are married or old so that i can wilt away in thousand oaks. i hate that in order to get into the really highly saught after pharmacoeconomics/outcomes research field i'd have to go get another 2-yr degree (M.S.).
I am literally thrown into a black hole, when talking to my boss and the other pharmacists. basically, if you want to do industry, you want to go into it right now. don't waste your time completing a residency, because if you only become a staff pharmacist, no company is going to welcome you back with open arms. you are no better off than some student who goes into industry right away. Your work experience in the hospital means nothing. and on the opposite hand, if you wound up doing industry, there is NO WAY that you can retain enough clinical knowledge to go back to the hospital. so basically, you are stuck. You either need to find out about your true calling and head in that direction right away, or you are sort of screwed.
Hell, and all i want right now is to meet that someone and be married. as much career oriented as i am, this all means nothing if i'm busy and important when i'm 45 and go on a business trip in Paris and stay in a hotel by myself. I'll probably be filthy rich, but i will sit in a french boulangerie by myself.
And thousand oaks isn't that bad, no, if you're a housewife. if you're a housewife, i think you can pretty much live anywhere. it's a good place to bring up your kids i'm sure. But as far as entertainment goes, i can't even think of a great japanese/chinese restaurant off the top of my head where i may want to go eat. and if i'm married, i can move out to the remote towns in New Jersey, where there are a TON of biotech/pharmas, or Indianapolis, or cincinnati. but what the hell am i gonna do when i go live in a suburb by myself? Judging from this experience, most of the older, married people dont want nor do they need to make new friends with younger people. they already have friends in the area. and I? I wound up spending $10 on 2 chick flicks at the closest Blockbuster so I can pass time over the weekend. I was the only girl in her twenties by herself walking around in blockbuster deciding what to rent whlie the other couples/families merrily ran around.
and because everyone is married, i cannot even really dream about meeting someone at work. it sort of forces me to choose hospital, because that way, at least i can prey on the unsuspecting and probably cocky interns/residents or move in on the emotionally weak patients/family members. but then again, i wont be able to come back to industry, because i wont have any experience and it's already competitive. and who is to say that i will for sure meet someone when i go hospital? i may literally have to cut out two holes in my white coat to compete with the cuter nurses, and even that i may still lose.
what am i gonna do with the rest of my life?
Initially i thought that in a perfect world, I could just do a year of residency (at the hospital whereever i may) or a year of fellowship (at a pharmaceutical company wherever they will take me), and if i really like it, i'll continue. If not, i can always swtich to another route. That is, until I started this current rotation.
The ironic thing is, i've always THOUGHT that industry was my thing. I pretty much went to pharmacy school because of the potential of going into industry. I thought the opportunieis should be abundant, the work force should be quite varied, and there should be plenty of room for growth. Well, all of the above are correct. I like that you dont need to know every drug there is on earth and have to know them well. You focus on your product, and you get to work with people with different backgrounds who also aim to sell the product with you. and since there are people who are NOT pharmacists, there should be more dating potential, blah blah blah.
So the next thing i know, I am at my current rotation. Like I said before, i am assigned very stupid assignments like word processing and writing invitations, compiling email listserv, rearranging the design of a handbook. These assignments are so embarrassing, that even when i did go to one of their farewell parties for someone, people didn't know what to say and of course i felt like giant shit. As if i didn't have enough things to alienate myself from the marketing people (unless if i decided to join their beer-chucking contest). I am half way through my rotation, and yet i felt like i literally haven't learned anything constructive to talk about during my future interviews. Worst of all, the experience is making me want to go into industry LESS. i hate having to sit through stupid meetings just to play with words/phrases that practically dont matter, i hate that we have to kiss the doc's asses so they would speak on our behalf about our products, i hate that i have to sit in a cubicle for 9 hr a day and take lunch by myself bc apparently nobody takes lunch together here, i hate that nobody even wants to go to happy hour together, i hate that all of the guys here are married or old so that i can wilt away in thousand oaks. i hate that in order to get into the really highly saught after pharmacoeconomics/outcomes research field i'd have to go get another 2-yr degree (M.S.).
I am literally thrown into a black hole, when talking to my boss and the other pharmacists. basically, if you want to do industry, you want to go into it right now. don't waste your time completing a residency, because if you only become a staff pharmacist, no company is going to welcome you back with open arms. you are no better off than some student who goes into industry right away. Your work experience in the hospital means nothing. and on the opposite hand, if you wound up doing industry, there is NO WAY that you can retain enough clinical knowledge to go back to the hospital. so basically, you are stuck. You either need to find out about your true calling and head in that direction right away, or you are sort of screwed.
Hell, and all i want right now is to meet that someone and be married. as much career oriented as i am, this all means nothing if i'm busy and important when i'm 45 and go on a business trip in Paris and stay in a hotel by myself. I'll probably be filthy rich, but i will sit in a french boulangerie by myself.
And thousand oaks isn't that bad, no, if you're a housewife. if you're a housewife, i think you can pretty much live anywhere. it's a good place to bring up your kids i'm sure. But as far as entertainment goes, i can't even think of a great japanese/chinese restaurant off the top of my head where i may want to go eat. and if i'm married, i can move out to the remote towns in New Jersey, where there are a TON of biotech/pharmas, or Indianapolis, or cincinnati. but what the hell am i gonna do when i go live in a suburb by myself? Judging from this experience, most of the older, married people dont want nor do they need to make new friends with younger people. they already have friends in the area. and I? I wound up spending $10 on 2 chick flicks at the closest Blockbuster so I can pass time over the weekend. I was the only girl in her twenties by herself walking around in blockbuster deciding what to rent whlie the other couples/families merrily ran around.
and because everyone is married, i cannot even really dream about meeting someone at work. it sort of forces me to choose hospital, because that way, at least i can prey on the unsuspecting and probably cocky interns/residents or move in on the emotionally weak patients/family members. but then again, i wont be able to come back to industry, because i wont have any experience and it's already competitive. and who is to say that i will for sure meet someone when i go hospital? i may literally have to cut out two holes in my white coat to compete with the cuter nurses, and even that i may still lose.
what am i gonna do with the rest of my life?
2009年10月12日 星期一
long awaited update
Well, now that i'm back in thousand oaks and my parents have gone back to Taiwan, I can finally write a few things about my current situtations and thoughts..
*warning: thoughts may be extremely negative or pessimistic...read at your own risk. ;)..*
Basically,
1. Still can't decide if industry or hospital is the thing for me. Of course at this point, both are hard to get in. I feel like I can never read my boss. I am doing my industry rotation right now and it's been 3 weeks and I still feel like I dont know anything and i'm not impressing her enough. i am assigned mostly menial tasks and word processing jobs that anybody can do. I am not sure if that really shows my ability as a person. I mean, writing up email templates and compiling email lists hardly constitute something only a pharm.d. can do. I am beginning to wonder if i will get that foot in the door. another project i'm also working on is creating the fellowship brochure and application. The ironic thing is, I may have to end up using it to apply for the position with the company, and still not get it. :/ according to my boss, it's a brutal competition (see what i mean? she says this without an ounce of encouragement). basically people with no experience can just kind of forget about it.
2. still somewhat asocial at the company. so if by some freakish chance i did get the fellowship, i dont know if this will be the best place to start. you pretty much work with people who are all married with children and nobody goes to happy hour/lunch together. and you sit in your cubicle all day. A nice way to prolong my singleness for sure and down the road of old-maid. whereas if i worked a couple years in the hospital, i could still be around people my age (interns, residents, nurses, physical therapiest...etc.). but then, those people could all be married too or have gfs or have no interest in me. yikes! :(
3. somewhat sad to learn that I still think that whatever guy on my team is attractive even though he's not available. to give you an idea, he looks like Jim on the Office, but better looking. yes. i need to start meeting people online so i can get out of this pathetic cycle of meeting unavailable men.
Speaking of Jim, the other night I was watching the climax of the series...Jim and Pam getting married. and pretty much like always, they looked adorable like always, and THAT is how you want an office romance to happen. and he said and did all the right things. somehow i think media is the one to blame for all the fluffy thoughts in our heads. i swear i cannot listen to another "i was in love with a girl but she had a bf at the time. But i waited 4 years for her" and "i knew she was the one i wanted to marry the day i met her."
not true to some.
FYI:
*warning: thoughts may be extremely negative or pessimistic...read at your own risk. ;)..*
Basically,
1. Still can't decide if industry or hospital is the thing for me. Of course at this point, both are hard to get in. I feel like I can never read my boss. I am doing my industry rotation right now and it's been 3 weeks and I still feel like I dont know anything and i'm not impressing her enough. i am assigned mostly menial tasks and word processing jobs that anybody can do. I am not sure if that really shows my ability as a person. I mean, writing up email templates and compiling email lists hardly constitute something only a pharm.d. can do. I am beginning to wonder if i will get that foot in the door. another project i'm also working on is creating the fellowship brochure and application. The ironic thing is, I may have to end up using it to apply for the position with the company, and still not get it. :/ according to my boss, it's a brutal competition (see what i mean? she says this without an ounce of encouragement). basically people with no experience can just kind of forget about it.
2. still somewhat asocial at the company. so if by some freakish chance i did get the fellowship, i dont know if this will be the best place to start. you pretty much work with people who are all married with children and nobody goes to happy hour/lunch together. and you sit in your cubicle all day. A nice way to prolong my singleness for sure and down the road of old-maid. whereas if i worked a couple years in the hospital, i could still be around people my age (interns, residents, nurses, physical therapiest...etc.). but then, those people could all be married too or have gfs or have no interest in me. yikes! :(
3. somewhat sad to learn that I still think that whatever guy on my team is attractive even though he's not available. to give you an idea, he looks like Jim on the Office, but better looking. yes. i need to start meeting people online so i can get out of this pathetic cycle of meeting unavailable men.
Speaking of Jim, the other night I was watching the climax of the series...Jim and Pam getting married. and pretty much like always, they looked adorable like always, and THAT is how you want an office romance to happen. and he said and did all the right things. somehow i think media is the one to blame for all the fluffy thoughts in our heads. i swear i cannot listen to another "i was in love with a girl but she had a bf at the time. But i waited 4 years for her" and "i knew she was the one i wanted to marry the day i met her."
not true to some.
FYI:
2009年10月6日 星期二
sorry about the no-updating
haha yea, i'm writing a post about not-posting. really lame.
well, I guess i can try to explain my lack of verbatim here. When i'm stressed, i have a ton of thoughts in my head but i can't formulate them into a nice piece of writing. if people are going to take their time to read it i dont want to waste their time.
but i've been stressed as hell. It kinda feels like how i felt in hawaii. Everyday i spend 9+ hrs at work because i just started and i have no experience and i feel like an idiot in every single way.and i'm lonely because i have to take my lunch breaks alone most of the time because other people are too busy and important that i dont get to take lunch with them. well, that and the company is a bit on the asocial side. and i havne't been introduced to that many people aside from my bosses. They are too higher up for me to have a real conversation with them. And plus i actually have to get quizzed by them about the mountains of reading i have to do so i feel anything but comfortable at the sight of them.
so everyday after i spend all my time in the cubicle, i go home and shower, and eat, and sleep (or read some more) and it's another day.
that's why i really can't update much until the weekend. too many things are on my plate and i can't think straight.
well, I guess i can try to explain my lack of verbatim here. When i'm stressed, i have a ton of thoughts in my head but i can't formulate them into a nice piece of writing. if people are going to take their time to read it i dont want to waste their time.
but i've been stressed as hell. It kinda feels like how i felt in hawaii. Everyday i spend 9+ hrs at work because i just started and i have no experience and i feel like an idiot in every single way.and i'm lonely because i have to take my lunch breaks alone most of the time because other people are too busy and important that i dont get to take lunch with them. well, that and the company is a bit on the asocial side. and i havne't been introduced to that many people aside from my bosses. They are too higher up for me to have a real conversation with them. And plus i actually have to get quizzed by them about the mountains of reading i have to do so i feel anything but comfortable at the sight of them.
so everyday after i spend all my time in the cubicle, i go home and shower, and eat, and sleep (or read some more) and it's another day.
that's why i really can't update much until the weekend. too many things are on my plate and i can't think straight.
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