please allow me one more day of sullenness...

the fiasco last night left me really disturbed. and i didn't get much sleep.

My best friend called me at 2am because she had seen my msg and was worried. and we talked for a while on the phone, after which i felt slightly more comforted. but i still had a sleepless night. I was remembering all the times i had with H and all the pain i was going through. I was remembering how hurt I was. I was remembering about my high school years which i purposely block out of my mind for obvious reasons. I am hating that I live so close to all the landmarks where we had so much memories at. I was feeling that knowing i will be seeing him again or that he is going to be told about where I work and how i am put me in great distress. I was feeling like i am 19 again. except this time, i'm actually 26. I was feeling all the emotions i hadn't been feeling for a while.

I also felt horribly about the way i treated his mom. she was always so nice to me and inviting. but i couldn't deal with the consequence of recognizing her because i couldn't very well tell her how big of an ass her son was to me. she wouldn't be on my side because afterall, he's HER son. It was absurb that i decided to take off my name tag just so that i wouldn't be recognized. very silly and futile.

my head still hurts from the fatigue from work and the sleepless night. and i have a final in 2 days.

i wish things weren't like this. i wish i was never anybody's ex.

but it get's better from here, right?