Well, now that i'm back in thousand oaks and my parents have gone back to Taiwan, I can finally write a few things about my current situtations and thoughts..
*warning: thoughts may be extremely negative or pessimistic...read at your own risk. ;)..*
Basically,
1. Still can't decide if industry or hospital is the thing for me. Of course at this point, both are hard to get in. I feel like I can never read my boss. I am doing my industry rotation right now and it's been 3 weeks and I still feel like I dont know anything and i'm not impressing her enough. i am assigned mostly menial tasks and word processing jobs that anybody can do. I am not sure if that really shows my ability as a person. I mean, writing up email templates and compiling email lists hardly constitute something only a pharm.d. can do. I am beginning to wonder if i will get that foot in the door. another project i'm also working on is creating the fellowship brochure and application. The ironic thing is, I may have to end up using it to apply for the position with the company, and still not get it. :/ according to my boss, it's a brutal competition (see what i mean? she says this without an ounce of encouragement). basically people with no experience can just kind of forget about it.
2. still somewhat asocial at the company. so if by some freakish chance i did get the fellowship, i dont know if this will be the best place to start. you pretty much work with people who are all married with children and nobody goes to happy hour/lunch together. and you sit in your cubicle all day. A nice way to prolong my singleness for sure and down the road of old-maid. whereas if i worked a couple years in the hospital, i could still be around people my age (interns, residents, nurses, physical therapiest...etc.). but then, those people could all be married too or have gfs or have no interest in me. yikes! :(
3. somewhat sad to learn that I still think that whatever guy on my team is attractive even though he's not available. to give you an idea, he looks like Jim on the Office, but better looking. yes. i need to start meeting people online so i can get out of this pathetic cycle of meeting unavailable men.
Speaking of Jim, the other night I was watching the climax of the series...Jim and Pam getting married. and pretty much like always, they looked adorable like always, and THAT is how you want an office romance to happen. and he said and did all the right things. somehow i think media is the one to blame for all the fluffy thoughts in our heads. i swear i cannot listen to another "i was in love with a girl but she had a bf at the time. But i waited 4 years for her" and "i knew she was the one i wanted to marry the day i met her."
not true to some.
FYI:
2009年10月12日 星期一
2009年10月6日 星期二
sorry about the no-updating
haha yea, i'm writing a post about not-posting. really lame.
well, I guess i can try to explain my lack of verbatim here. When i'm stressed, i have a ton of thoughts in my head but i can't formulate them into a nice piece of writing. if people are going to take their time to read it i dont want to waste their time.
but i've been stressed as hell. It kinda feels like how i felt in hawaii. Everyday i spend 9+ hrs at work because i just started and i have no experience and i feel like an idiot in every single way.and i'm lonely because i have to take my lunch breaks alone most of the time because other people are too busy and important that i dont get to take lunch with them. well, that and the company is a bit on the asocial side. and i havne't been introduced to that many people aside from my bosses. They are too higher up for me to have a real conversation with them. And plus i actually have to get quizzed by them about the mountains of reading i have to do so i feel anything but comfortable at the sight of them.
so everyday after i spend all my time in the cubicle, i go home and shower, and eat, and sleep (or read some more) and it's another day.
that's why i really can't update much until the weekend. too many things are on my plate and i can't think straight.
well, I guess i can try to explain my lack of verbatim here. When i'm stressed, i have a ton of thoughts in my head but i can't formulate them into a nice piece of writing. if people are going to take their time to read it i dont want to waste their time.
but i've been stressed as hell. It kinda feels like how i felt in hawaii. Everyday i spend 9+ hrs at work because i just started and i have no experience and i feel like an idiot in every single way.and i'm lonely because i have to take my lunch breaks alone most of the time because other people are too busy and important that i dont get to take lunch with them. well, that and the company is a bit on the asocial side. and i havne't been introduced to that many people aside from my bosses. They are too higher up for me to have a real conversation with them. And plus i actually have to get quizzed by them about the mountains of reading i have to do so i feel anything but comfortable at the sight of them.
so everyday after i spend all my time in the cubicle, i go home and shower, and eat, and sleep (or read some more) and it's another day.
that's why i really can't update much until the weekend. too many things are on my plate and i can't think straight.
2009年9月30日 星期三
and on a superficial note...
and if anybody wants to know...there's probably no aspect of meeting someone here. why? same as everywhere else. married, married and the ones who aren't you probably dont want to date them (for now anyway).
and we are not really allowed to wonder around the building or into other cubicles. so i talk to the same 6 people on my team and some who sit close to me.
:-/
and we are not really allowed to wonder around the building or into other cubicles. so i talk to the same 6 people on my team and some who sit close to me.
:-/
first one after the new rotation!
Whew ok! i'm gonna use the next....8 min to write about my latest rotation and why i've been disappearing. simple: CRAZINESS AT WORK!
So my rotation is at Baxter. And i have NO experience working in the industry before. and yes, i was extremely paranoid and anxious on my first day (yesterday). I literally was sweating bullets. Everything was different. I had my cubicle (huge) and i was assigned to a team who's in charge of their immunoglobulins. so BIG shoes to fill. I of course, know nothing about the industry terms and jargons. And my reasons for wanting to work in the industry at this moment sounded extremely weak. i couldn't even really defend it, in front of my preceptor. She's very assertive, very strong and knows what she wants and what she needs and what her goals are. she's only been working with them for 5 years post pharm d graduation and already she is the assistent director. So yes, i'm realizing that i will have to bust my ass to try to impress her. It doesn't help that everyone on my team (who are all very nice, btw) are EXTREMELY bright. so much that i seem very very clueless about what i know as a student who's trying her foot in industry.
So far i think i get along with everyone. i spend most of my time reading up on a 6 inch thick binder about everything you can think of about our products and LOTS and LOTS of immunology review and CE. My tailbone literally hurts from sitting and reading too much. I guess that could be one aspect of industry that can be bothersome. THAT and a lot of the strategics talk and logistics. I still dont know if i would be a good fit.
On the other hand, i must say this is the BEST work environment i've worked in in a while. I have my own cubicle that is stocked with everything. anything i need, just ask. the kitchen is great and the coffee machine is awesome. it's one of those you can stick in your individual pouch and out pours your coffee. and lots and lots of tea and coffee selections. and we are situated minutes away from a huge shopping center and i get to take nice relaxing lunch breaks under the sun. people are all very industry-like. if you know what i mean. everybody is chill, and we all get a long (well, on the surface anyway). but really. the people are extremely cool to work with. It's hard to believe that i've worked 3 year in retail in that tiny space filled with bottles and just filled and filled and it felt almost claustrophobic. and i was seeing my pharmacists who never took real lunch breaks and that was how i picture all pharmacists to be. Everybody in the company gets to travel. A LOT. it's for business but still the thought of going to Vienna or Sao Paolo for a conference sounds like this job is right up my alley.
But it's also not like the hospital in a way you only deal with ONE drug and you have to think like a business person. what sells, what can we do to make it sell, who do we need to talk to....am i ready for that? am i BUILT for that? lots of unanswered questions that need to be answered right now.
and i miss the spontaneity. yes, when you take a more direct role doing clinical pharmacy alongside physicians and nurses and patients. it can be frustrating at times, as i learned from my medicine rotation. but here you are making a difference, but indirectly and you DONT konw if your product is actually better. you kind of have to convince people that it is. i hope i'm making sense so far.
anyway, from what i've learned so far, it's gonna be HARD to break into industry, as i was told by my preceptor who was VERY good when she was a student and interviewed everywhere.
i need more positive messages in my life. :/
So my rotation is at Baxter. And i have NO experience working in the industry before. and yes, i was extremely paranoid and anxious on my first day (yesterday). I literally was sweating bullets. Everything was different. I had my cubicle (huge) and i was assigned to a team who's in charge of their immunoglobulins. so BIG shoes to fill. I of course, know nothing about the industry terms and jargons. And my reasons for wanting to work in the industry at this moment sounded extremely weak. i couldn't even really defend it, in front of my preceptor. She's very assertive, very strong and knows what she wants and what she needs and what her goals are. she's only been working with them for 5 years post pharm d graduation and already she is the assistent director. So yes, i'm realizing that i will have to bust my ass to try to impress her. It doesn't help that everyone on my team (who are all very nice, btw) are EXTREMELY bright. so much that i seem very very clueless about what i know as a student who's trying her foot in industry.
So far i think i get along with everyone. i spend most of my time reading up on a 6 inch thick binder about everything you can think of about our products and LOTS and LOTS of immunology review and CE. My tailbone literally hurts from sitting and reading too much. I guess that could be one aspect of industry that can be bothersome. THAT and a lot of the strategics talk and logistics. I still dont know if i would be a good fit.
On the other hand, i must say this is the BEST work environment i've worked in in a while. I have my own cubicle that is stocked with everything. anything i need, just ask. the kitchen is great and the coffee machine is awesome. it's one of those you can stick in your individual pouch and out pours your coffee. and lots and lots of tea and coffee selections. and we are situated minutes away from a huge shopping center and i get to take nice relaxing lunch breaks under the sun. people are all very industry-like. if you know what i mean. everybody is chill, and we all get a long (well, on the surface anyway). but really. the people are extremely cool to work with. It's hard to believe that i've worked 3 year in retail in that tiny space filled with bottles and just filled and filled and it felt almost claustrophobic. and i was seeing my pharmacists who never took real lunch breaks and that was how i picture all pharmacists to be. Everybody in the company gets to travel. A LOT. it's for business but still the thought of going to Vienna or Sao Paolo for a conference sounds like this job is right up my alley.
But it's also not like the hospital in a way you only deal with ONE drug and you have to think like a business person. what sells, what can we do to make it sell, who do we need to talk to....am i ready for that? am i BUILT for that? lots of unanswered questions that need to be answered right now.
and i miss the spontaneity. yes, when you take a more direct role doing clinical pharmacy alongside physicians and nurses and patients. it can be frustrating at times, as i learned from my medicine rotation. but here you are making a difference, but indirectly and you DONT konw if your product is actually better. you kind of have to convince people that it is. i hope i'm making sense so far.
anyway, from what i've learned so far, it's gonna be HARD to break into industry, as i was told by my preceptor who was VERY good when she was a student and interviewed everywhere.
i need more positive messages in my life. :/
2009年9月28日 星期一
tomorrow is a new day....
Finally after 7 weeks of doing a whole lot of nothing (in terms of studying and getting ready for the board) then finally getting sick, I am ready for the first day of "work" tomorrow. Over the weekend I moved most of my work clothes over to get ready for my industry rotation in Thousand Oaks. It is a bit scary because i've never done industry before and therefore have no experience in it. I am somewhat terrified that I will look dumb on my first day. But also I am really hoping this will be an eye opening experience for me since I have no idea whether to go into industry or hospital (if they will have me) 8 months from now. If i dont suck too much, maybe i can even get a rec letter out of it (fingers crossed).
I'm really not enjoying this anxiety. not knowing what to expect. but i've had the same feelings before right before my medicine rotation. This can't be worse, right? at least i dont have to constantly pull from my clinical background (and i have NONE). but at the same time, i'm a HORRIBLE writer. so if i have to review any medical literature and come up with a somewhat presentable material, it will be a ridiculous piece due to my misplaced articles.
ok, ok, no freaking out today. gotta go blow my nose now.
I'm really not enjoying this anxiety. not knowing what to expect. but i've had the same feelings before right before my medicine rotation. This can't be worse, right? at least i dont have to constantly pull from my clinical background (and i have NONE). but at the same time, i'm a HORRIBLE writer. so if i have to review any medical literature and come up with a somewhat presentable material, it will be a ridiculous piece due to my misplaced articles.
ok, ok, no freaking out today. gotta go blow my nose now.
2009年9月25日 星期五
caught the flu...
how could this be happening?
so 2 days ago it was one of hottest days in LA and i thoroughly enjoyed using other people's AC by visiting different coffeeshops/bookstore/hairdresser's. and that night i started runny nose. The morning after i woke up with killer sore throat and just general fatigue. i felt so crappy that i had to cancel a prior appt with a friend. then i pretty much stayed home all day. Last night it escalated a little. I woke up at 4am with just this really nauseaus feelings. but i wasn't able to throw up or really "go" in the bathroom. the rest of the day i felt really weak and i had to cancel another appt due to my condition.
I started measuring my oral temp, and it was consistently 98.6F which is the highest end of the normal range. i just felt like i had this low grade fever all day long that is making it impossible for me to really sleep restfully or even read in bed. periodically i'd get out of bed to eat and drink a little (so far cranberry/apple juice).
i read online that during summer time most young people who contract the flu most likely have H1N1 (shit!). and i pretty much have most of the symptoms: runny nose, sore throat, diarrhea, low grade fever, weakness in muscles. but nothing urgent that i need to immediately be treated for like chest pain or high fever or altered mental status. I am following the CDC guide and just stay home until i'm fever free.
how this happened i have NO IDEA. it definitely sucks that i caught the flu. now i'm trying to protect my family by staying at least 6 feet from them and alcohol disinfect my hands when i've touched the remote or used the bathroom. I try to stay in my room most of the time and it's driving me crazy.
and i look like shit. i haven't showered in three days and my hair is disgusting.
so 2 days ago it was one of hottest days in LA and i thoroughly enjoyed using other people's AC by visiting different coffeeshops/bookstore/hairdresser's. and that night i started runny nose. The morning after i woke up with killer sore throat and just general fatigue. i felt so crappy that i had to cancel a prior appt with a friend. then i pretty much stayed home all day. Last night it escalated a little. I woke up at 4am with just this really nauseaus feelings. but i wasn't able to throw up or really "go" in the bathroom. the rest of the day i felt really weak and i had to cancel another appt due to my condition.
I started measuring my oral temp, and it was consistently 98.6F which is the highest end of the normal range. i just felt like i had this low grade fever all day long that is making it impossible for me to really sleep restfully or even read in bed. periodically i'd get out of bed to eat and drink a little (so far cranberry/apple juice).
i read online that during summer time most young people who contract the flu most likely have H1N1 (shit!). and i pretty much have most of the symptoms: runny nose, sore throat, diarrhea, low grade fever, weakness in muscles. but nothing urgent that i need to immediately be treated for like chest pain or high fever or altered mental status. I am following the CDC guide and just stay home until i'm fever free.
how this happened i have NO IDEA. it definitely sucks that i caught the flu. now i'm trying to protect my family by staying at least 6 feet from them and alcohol disinfect my hands when i've touched the remote or used the bathroom. I try to stay in my room most of the time and it's driving me crazy.
and i look like shit. i haven't showered in three days and my hair is disgusting.
2009年9月24日 星期四
sick today
i woke up with a pretty bad runny nose that continued from last night despite my good effort of taking that super disgusting alka seltzer which almost made me puke. and my body was aching all over and my sore throat made swallowing breakfast really difficult.
i'm hoping i'ts not swine flu or anything. judging from the fact that i haven't had really bad fever and chills and n/v/d i should be fine. hopefully it's only bacterial. but still. 4 more days til next rotation. this is BAD news.
and now everyone's out of the house becuase they dont want to catch it from me. what am i gonna have for lunch after i drag myself out of bed???
i'm hoping i'ts not swine flu or anything. judging from the fact that i haven't had really bad fever and chills and n/v/d i should be fine. hopefully it's only bacterial. but still. 4 more days til next rotation. this is BAD news.
and now everyone's out of the house becuase they dont want to catch it from me. what am i gonna have for lunch after i drag myself out of bed???
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