A stye, a finger infxn, face, and something else, and a stye

Thank God for the discovery of antibiotics.....as i stated to my sister yesterday. For some reason, I feel that i've become really bacteria-infested. And I'm reluctant to attribute it to my personal hygiene problem because nothing has changed, and my room is not that disgusting. I attribute it to the chronic stress and the lowered immune system. Its making me susceptible to all kinds of bacteria caused diseases that are otherwise preventable if i actually have a functioning immune system to fight them off.

So yes, without the invention of various antibiotics i would truely be in a horrible state right now, with pimples all over my face, styes that crowd my eyelids most days of the year, and really bad infections everywhere. I have been having about 4 styes this past month, and i'm getting over the last one, which is humongous, on my lower right eyelid. It got so bad i had to stop wearing contacts for a week and just warm-compress it with hot towel, wash my eyes out, and got Bacitracin eye ointment from my optometrist at lenscrafters (which turned out to be totally cool cuz i had no idea they could prescribe you antibiotics as well. in my mind i was dreading having to make a trip to school clinics just to get that one prescription). Still my both eyes itch from something, and i'm trying the hardest not to scratch them in fear of spreading to the other eye. But yes, recurrent styes SUCK...they take turns torturing you and make you look like a freak with a bump in your eye. -_-

Then it was a mild finger cut that felt really itchy. all of a sudden my middle finger was having a red patch that was super itchy, and this happened right after the exam. I didn't pay much attention because i had assumed it to be a paper cut. I didn't put any meds on it or take extra care of it, and just took a shower when i got home. Then yesterday the same finger (middle finger) had some throbbing, intense pain at the tip of the finger right beneath the nail bed. It was so bothersome that i had to press on it to distract myself. At which point i sort of realized what had happened. it didn't go away at all so before i went to bed i put some antibiotic cream all around the tip and some bandaid over it. and then i finally got some relif (which proved my theory to be right, it's not just a finger pain from typing).

so my point is, there are naturally colonizing bacteria in/on our body everywhere, and under normal circumstances, but we never feel the inconvenience or discomfort, until you're somewhat immunocompromised. I am actually not sure any more when my stress will REALLY go away, because i think it only goes downhill from here (with rotations, residency/fellowship, a real job...). i always fear the consequences of stress because of everything we've learned at school. at this point i can only be thankful that i'm getting the MANAGEABLE stress-related diseases, not the big guns (like cancer)....

Film Review...

So after 3 weeks of the movie's release i finally get to see it, probably the last person on earth..(ok, and the two friends i go with that makes the 3 of us). I've been wanting to see the movie since i read the book. The book itself is a easy read, almost like a column from Cosmopolitan, in the Q&A format. Bascially, women ask this guy Greg about their guy problems and they hear the honest truth from him, in most cases, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. you'd think it's so obvious right? well, not to women in love (or blinded by love). guys are just SO LUCKY.

So anyway, overall it was poignant and entertaining, and i certainly enjoyed the all-star cast. But i'm hating the characters too as i watched it: the psycho girl, the "other woman", the pushover....I wonder if we all fit into these stereotypes in one way or another. I certainly hope i dont. It was almost painful watching some of the things that they do on screen, which i would never, and had never committed. I guess it's good and bad: if you put yourself out there and be willing to meet guys in all shapes and sizes and heartbreakers and all, you are going to have a fun, lively dating life. Whereas i know exactly what to do to preserve my dignity, well, i spend a lot of time wondering why there's no dates. I dont really call guys who dont' seem to be interested me, i dont count "texting" as "calling", i dont keep in touch with guys who are superficial and just like to have women around, i dont like jerks who act they are too cool for you, and i dont wait around next to my phone cuz i simply dont have time for that, and if someone cheats, i dont think i can even try to have a relationship with him again. Him sleeping with another woman, that's just gross and disrespectful.

But they have to give the moving an ending. So despite the fact they say it over and over again in the movie that "think of yourself as the RULE, not the EXCEPTION", they made exceptions for the characters. So the playboy falls in love with you, your committment phobic bf proposes to you..etc. Kinda ruins it for me, just like Sex and The City. The ultimate happiness of a woman, still depends on the fact whether she has someone significant in her life. Like Carrie Bradshaw, your badboy bf will eventually come around.

It's hard to lie to your gf when you seee the obvious truth that she's dating a jackass, or that the guy she's seeing is simply not into her, because we all tend to cheer each other up. We dont like hearing harsh words so we dont tell the truth to people we care about, in fear of breaking their hearts. But maybe sometimes we NEED to hear the truth. We need to see it from 3rd party's perspective that, maybe we are just not seeing the whole picture. I can't swear that i'm going to tell nothing but truth now to my gf, but I am certainly goin to try to. I do it the most with my sister, which is why she thinks i'm blunt like a guy and very bitter sometimes.

People tend to say/think that i'm kind of self-deprecating or sarcastic about things, and I do admit that there are elements of me that are rather Seinfeld-ish. but I dont think it's a low self-esteem issue. It's my honest to God opinion about myself. And I'm surprised that people think so negatively about this characteristics. Especially in the US, no one wants to hear that you're doing shitty, we all have to gloat about something about ourselves (whether it's job, love life, salary, appearance, past glories...etc.) But i'm okay with the idea that i may have a hard time getting the job i like because i'm hitting a lot of walls, and i'm ok with saying that i may continue to be single for a long time to come. It doesn't necessarily mean that i enjoy these things, but i'm not dellusional to say that they dont exist. This is where my stress is coming from, and this is why i can be insecure when i blog because i do think about them, constantly.

And this is the part of growing up i dont like.

please allow me one more day of sullenness...

the fiasco last night left me really disturbed. and i didn't get much sleep.

My best friend called me at 2am because she had seen my msg and was worried. and we talked for a while on the phone, after which i felt slightly more comforted. but i still had a sleepless night. I was remembering all the times i had with H and all the pain i was going through. I was remembering how hurt I was. I was remembering about my high school years which i purposely block out of my mind for obvious reasons. I am hating that I live so close to all the landmarks where we had so much memories at. I was feeling that knowing i will be seeing him again or that he is going to be told about where I work and how i am put me in great distress. I was feeling like i am 19 again. except this time, i'm actually 26. I was feeling all the emotions i hadn't been feeling for a while.

I also felt horribly about the way i treated his mom. she was always so nice to me and inviting. but i couldn't deal with the consequence of recognizing her because i couldn't very well tell her how big of an ass her son was to me. she wouldn't be on my side because afterall, he's HER son. It was absurb that i decided to take off my name tag just so that i wouldn't be recognized. very silly and futile.

my head still hurts from the fatigue from work and the sleepless night. and i have a final in 2 days.

i wish things weren't like this. i wish i was never anybody's ex.

but it get's better from here, right?

my 2nd worst nightmare

Yes. something major happened today. and i'm still shaken from it. and very upset.

When I started working at the pharmacy i realized that the chances of running into people i dont want to see are pretty darn high, considering i serve about 500/day and most of them live in or around Pasadena. I could easily run into someone from high school, or someone who i'd love to punch out, namely, my ex (and there's only one).

But i never thought that it would be today, a week after my pretty low key Valentine's day, just when i feEL pretty good about having a sweet life with close friends and am A-OKAY with being single. No i didn't run into my ex, i ran into HIS MOM. last time i talked to her was 8 years ago, right after the break up. she was nice and we talked briefly on the phone, and i was in tears. and then we never spoke again because obviously, me and hunter never got back together. and i no loner wish to have anything to do with him, or know what he's been doing. If anything I prolly wished him ill. I had hoped that he signed himself for a trip to Iraq, or possibly had some tragic accident, or maybe moved out of state, or got screwed over big time by someone. In anycase, i wanted him to be UNHAPPY (yea,very mature of me). But i never was a big believer in acting civil toward your ex bf. No body has to be civil to anybody, in my opinion.

So what did he do exactly to warrant such ill meaning wishes? well, here's just a few i can think of:

1) breaking up over the PHONE
2) acting like an asshole to me after the breakup
3) saying horrible things to me that killed my confidence for a while (you never thought you would hear such words coming out of the mouth of someone you liked so much before)
4) taking back the present he once gave me for valentine's day or one of our anniversaries (i know, what an asshole)
5) tried to string me along when he moved back to CA and then tried to break up with me again
...

Anyway, yeah, i was screwed pretty bad. and i wonder why i've become so pessimistic about love and am so guy-phobic right now. I just dont see the point of going out with someone who's eventually goin to break up with you. And who is to say that once i get the person to marry me it will last forever? the kind of relationship i am looking for doesn't exist anymore. The people i find myself attracted to nowadays have gf/ are engaged/married. there is no single availabe nice boys who have eyes for you and only you.

And the saddest part is, i went to the back and took off my name tag so that she wouldnt' REALLY recognize me (although i'm sure she's spot my flustered face). and then she called my name out so i had to make conversations with her. she was there with my ex's aunt who was picking up a Rx (i had suspected that people in their family pick up their prescriptions there because i recognize the last name, but thought it was only a coincidence). so i found out that he's still in the area, running a business, and lives pretty closeby (probably too close). and she also waid that she would let my ex know that she ran into me (WHY? OH GOD WHY?). I've finally managed to feel safe again back home knowing the chances of running into him is slim to none. now he knows where i work and will one day march in with a girl in his arm to see my being belittled by rude-ass patients or sweat like a pig during work.

I really wish that i had dated during the past 8 years. i'm a loser in love in so many friggin ways.

p.s. and did i mention that I had to do all this in front of a customer? she could TOTALLY tell what went on, and yet she was very understanding, and nice about it. Bless her soul...

New computer!

*pictures taken with the webcam in my new laptop*

So..the story being, my old VAIO, which has been with me for the past 6 years or so, broke down awhile ago. It's been having problems but i managed to prolong its life by carrying it back to tw with me to get it fixed. But what do you know, as soon as i get back, the same problem with the hard drive shows again. It gave me great distress because i am extremely reluctant to buy computer here in the US because 1) i want a chinese operating system (yeah i know what you're thinking) and 2) i need a keyboard with chinese characters on it and 3) it's cheaper is tw and 4) you get to get all the extra softwards without actually having to spend a fortune (another thing very taiwanese of me).

And I must emphasize, the reason why i extremely need chinese OS and keyboard is because i do browse though chinese websites, and having an english OS is kind of annoying because some websites would appear to be 亂碼 to me. no matter how good my Double Bridge is (name of a chiinese language software you can install on your american PC). or i could be using my sister's Apple, which is multilingual, and still have this problem. And i need a chinese keyboard because, i still have people i need to type in chinese with and although i can manage Ping Ying, it's still extremely inconvenient.

Long story short, there happens to be a taiwanese owned computer store close to my house. It's been there for years and i never visited because of reasons listed above. But we decided to check it out because i'd rather do that than go straight to CompUSA where there is absolutely no hope in getting a OS in a different language without the salesperson mocking me. ;)

And what do you know? they do carry stuff in chinese and the store owner was extremely helpful and friendly and suggested the offer that i traded in my old one to get $300 off, which i gladly accepted after much contemplating. it also comes with a shoulder bag and an extra battery (YES!).

So i am now playing with my PINK VAIO :D...completed with Traditional Chinese OS as well as chinese Windows Office 2007, a CD burner, a built-in webcam, free spywares, a non-chinese keyboard but with 注音stickers on it....and light as a feather...and it's PINK...

Yeah i know, I'm a dork.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY PEOPLE! <3

yes....Valentine's day has come and gone. As one blogger eloquently puts it, it's like the Superbowl for all daters. The restaurants come out with couple's menu that burns a hole in your pocket, and the chocolates and balloons everywhere....

I realize the approaching of Valentine's day probably during the month of January every year, reason being, at the pharmacy i work at, as soon as Halloween is over, Xmas is celebrated, and as soon as New year's is over it's all about Valentine's day. and I'm not actually bitter about it at all. I enjoy all the cutesy merchandise they put on the shelf. I just have to wait until the day AFTER valentine's day to get them while they are on sale. It's definitely one of the pluses of being single on Vday because you can always get the gifts for yourself after not before. :P

so how did i spend MY valentine's day? Well, actually in a company of my best friend who also happens to be single. Neither of us was really in the mood to go out and party our asses off (because i'm simply too old for that stuff, and standing in line ANYWHERE on valentine's day sans a bf just seems a bit desperate. I'm sure sleazeballs in bars everywhere in the US will use that vulnerability to their advantage), and I am simply not anti-valentine's either (we need more love in this world for sure). So we just had a pig-out, chick-flick marathon type of night. Which i have no objection to, either.

so we met up and had this delicious dinner at the Curry House on Sawtelle, and I ordered this incredible Katsu with curry in a stone pot. and post dinner we stopped for some frozen yogurt and Pudding Milk Tea. then we watched some parts of Sleepless in Seattle and then the entire What Happens in Vegas before we called it a night. Lots of fun and lots of girl chats. And for some reason, I realized at the end of the day that it was actually a pretty great vday after all. I know I self-pity in my blog a lot about my single status. But truthfully, since i have no expectation whatsoever pertaining to vday and how it's going to go down, I can just hang out with my best friend and catch up on things. She might be gone next year for grad school, so who knows how long this can last? :)

Minsky's