parade of mishaps

1. millions and millions of apps sent out to pharma companies since january, and i'm sad to report that, NONE has gotten back to me.

2. applied and interviewed for 2 retail pharmacy internship and, never received the personality assessment that's supposed to come, called AND e-mailed the recruiter, no response. never got a scheduled interview within 48 hrs of submitting my application from the 2nd pharmacy i applied for.

3. the IPSF internship which i was accepted by, posted my profile online for countries to claim me. and never happened. and my summer is starting in may, and it's already 4/2.

4. still can't get along with/stand people from school. especially with the organization i am on board for. people are SO cliquey with their fucking frats. enjoy the school it's yours.

5. flunking out of class.

6. my boss hates me, and this fat ass technician too. love to give me a hard time, but quite flirty with the male interns. and this is the reason why i am applying for internships in the first place so i can LEAVE. when nothing happens its a good day. and usually someone ends up yelling at me. and i'm detached about it because i expect it to happen.

7. have not dated for 7 friggin years and have obsessive and unrealistic thoughts/realizaations about men who i met only once or never knew before.


This is why i'm going psychotic.

horribly, horribly sick

it's been a while since i last posted, and it's due to this bad cold i've caught. It started last saturday when i was at the airport coming back from tw. I just sensed this big stomach flu was coming, but assumed that it was due to the yogurt i had in the morning. Little did i know it was actually the warning before the storm. All throughot my trip on the airplane, i was feeling extremely nauseas, and had the blanket over my head the whole time. I skipped both meals, and very little to eat and only drank water to last me til LA. When I finally landed i had a really bad sore throat.

When I got home, the mild sore throat turned into a full-on cold, i was having fever and chills all over, and the next week i could hardly talk without having a coughing fit. Just when i thought i was recovering on friday, the same thing happened again YESTERDAY, exactly a week after the first attack. i spent the whole day in bed, having fever and really bad cold sweats.

I took some medicine to help with the cold, but this time nothing seemed to help. but it was a weekend and i couldn't go to student health to get free check-up. and the horrible experience i had with ER last time made me rather wait til monday. Honestly, getting sick in the US is a b***ch. you really feel like you can either die or blow your nauseated head off, but going to the doctor and actually getting seen is a bigger pain in the a**.

I was finally able to take some food in last night, and work up and had some soy milk. I have been on this liquid diet for about a week now, and let's hope i've lost some weight over that. Honestly ever since i started graduated school, my health has deteriorated like crazy. i hardly can go through a semester without getting majorly sick. and i'm always feeling fatigued and weak now. I really can't wait til the school year is over. Although that really means that i have to pray that i find an internship this summer, seeing i've sent out at least 50+ cv's and interviewed multiple times, and the results are not looking up for me.

Why I should NEVER set foot in Ulta/Sephora

Today was supposed to be another long and hard study day for me. And indeed it was. I was in Starbucks for a good one hour, with very few distractions except the woman in dreadlocks sitting across from me who proceeded to rearraged all the tables and couches around me, which is typical of some of the weirdos who visit starbucks, but i digress.

So my next stop was Ulta which is located in the same plaza. Recently I've been doing some research on some procedures i can probably do to my acne scars, and this thing came up:

This new invention is called Zeno which has been out for a couple of years now. I had read about it a while back about its ability to reduce the size of your acne within 24-48 hrs (in my book that's A LOT). But it had just come and i wanted to wait for more reivews on it before i invest my $. So from what i read it proved to be pretty effective. It basically directs the thermoenergy onto your acne, which is typical of a lot of procedures used in dermatologist's office (some of them actualy carry Zeno), it penetrates deep into your skin and kills the bacteria residing in your sebaceous/oil gland, directs more blood flow to the site of inflammation and induces immune attack...blah blah blah. It makes sense to me and it has a 30 day guarantee or your money back. I was sold.

However, before i was able to make my purchase, i had been wondering in the store for about an hour. Partly because i have been deprived of beauty shopping for too long, so to me Ulta is like the paradise of foundations, brow pencils, and hair products. anyway this caught myeye:

It's a 5-in-1 self-adjusting powder compact. you can apply it as thin or thick as you want. I tried a tone darker than my skin (b/c they ran out of my shade) and i really liked the coverage. but...i dotn know. i hate to be disappointed. and a lot of foundation products end up disappointing me b/c i just break out even more. Like that BareMineral hype. i really thought that's the solution to my problems because my cousin B had introduced to me b/c it helped her with her skin. Apparently my skin just repells everything even natural mineral powder on it. i didn't leave the store until 1 hr later...and i fear that my obsession will make me return in a couple days to get that damn powder.

I really should live in a internetless, carless world.

BIG PUSSY (pardon the vulgarity) :(

gosh i'm such a big pussy!!! I cannot believe this had happened again.

I'm sorry that I've used this horrible language, but i was so mad/frustrated at my whole attractive-man-phobia today that i really, really have to call myself that.

So the thing is, a few weeks back, the organization i'm involved with on campus invited some industry reps to come and talk to us about working in the pharmaceutical industry. And living the boring, manless life i have right now i was naturally paying more attention to this particular guy who is now a fellow at this company. He's all around cute, attractive, and very friendly. However the event was something like a round table session, where each rep has to answer questions from 5-6 students. Yes i was on the board and naturally i had to take care of the food and the set up and what not, but i really shouldnt' have used this as an excuse NOT to talk to him. So i pretended to be busy because apparently, everytime when there seemed to bea chance i got somewhat jittery and cold feet, and ended up talking to i'd say 10 of guys from his company old enough to be my dad. and got ALL of their business cards.

To remedy the situation, i promised my self that, maybe i'll send all the industry reps a thank-you via e-mail. And HE kindly responded and gave me more pointers as to how to go about applying for a fellowship and what not.

So today my org help another event where we invite more of these reps back, and he was amongst them. it could have been the perfect opportunity to thank him for his advice and to further the conversation. and I LIKE AN IDIOT WALKED PASS HIM 10x TIMES! at one point i even sat down across from him but started talking to this other guy in his company so he ended up talking to another student! WHAT THE FREAK AM I DOING? and he stuck around for a very long time too, getting up to get the ice tea, taking mini breaks, while i LOOKED ON from the other side of the room, usually occupied by another guest from the event because i'd talk to anyone but HIM!

Oh GOD....IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I'M SUPER SELF-CONCIOUS ABOUT MYSELF AND RELATIVELY UNINTERESTED IN FEMALE COMPETITION. bUT IT'S ANOTHER STORY WHEN I'M HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL ANXIETY WITH GUYS I LIKE. THIS IS WHY I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE. (sorry for the morbidicity). i just...can't even make up an excuse for my behavior tonight. T_T

rips your heart out

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lV3SHBFyDZM
it breaks your heart just listening to it.

or the choir version, which allows me to embed:

Been a while (update for the past two weeks!!!) <--a very ambitious one

Wow, i just realized that it's been more than 2 weeks since i last logged on and said anything about my life....how can i ever make up for it? :P Well here's my legitimate excuse: entertaining my family. There. they visited for 3 weeks and between that and the exams, i really didnt' have much time to say anything online. But just to adhere to the promise to myself, here are the notable events that have occured (both good an bad):

1)Celebrated Chinese New Year at Takami Sushi (see previous posts for my restaurant review): of course this occured during the LA restaurant weeks. I liked the ambience of the restaurant so much that I decided to take my family there. Apparently they've all enjoyed the view from a high building and the 3 course meal.

2)went to a joint social event thrown by the graduate student association (in conjunction with CalTech and UCLA): met no one in particular, but a whole lot of nasties for sure. :P it was held at Boulevard 3 in Hollywood. the place is very interesting as it has these cabanas in the courtyard, and a pond in the middle. The actual club itself has some cirque du soleil type of performance as well as hip hop dance offs. yummy midori sour. but then again, my friend puked at the end of the night, IN MY CAR. that was a nightmare in itself. i had my car detailed the interior and i had to apply some enzyme solution to make it smell not as pungent. let's just say i'm an expert in vomit now.

3)failed a exam, missed a hw, missed a quiz. yes, i'm pretty concerned.:p

4) applied to a bunch of industry internships. i'm doing it in a really scarily systematic matter. i have researched a list of big name pharma's i want to intern for, and have attacked their job search engine mercilessly. i've applied to at least 50 so far, and most of the time the return rate is quite low. we shall see what happens.

5) GETTING ACCEPTED BY IPSF! as i mentioned before, this is a international internship for pharm students. you can apply to 3 diff countries. however the matching rate isn't 100%. so i'm using that as a backup. quite excited about the aspect of interning in a diff country. :)

6) Taking my family to Red White and Bluezz: a restaurant with live jazz music. we tried out diff flights of wines and cheeses. :)

7) WICKED!! let's just say, a far better musical than i had originally expected. our seats were great, the location is convenient, and i'm loving the music. i give it 4 stars. (Only Phantom and Sound of Music get 5, sorry.) :P

Hope it gets better from here (Alborada del Gracioso)

There's a lot of happenings this week, particularly the one this morning, and i'm going to start with something that makes it all better:



Above is a clip of Richter playing Alborada del Gracioso , aka the song nodame played in the 交響情人夢歐洲篇. It is composed by Maurice Ravel. More on that later. This is officially my favorite clip of the week.

So,

Mon: found out tire got slashed. had a flat tire. had to replace it completely and was late to school.

Tues: manager and technician giving me the grief, like always.

wed: tried out a new restaurant but scraped my car BIG TIME on the way out of the shady parking lot in downtown LA. Skipped class afterward.

Thur: nothing much.

Fri: OVERSLEPT AND MISSED A QUIZ COMPLETELY. THE FIRST QUIZ AND THE QUIZ I WENT TO OFFICE HOUR FOR AND STUDIED SO DILIGENTLY. DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START TO BLAME MYSELF. NEVER HEARD THE ALARM AT 5AM. ALREADY AM MISSING 10% OF MY GRADE. FOUND OUT I'M REJECTED BY IPSF (INTERNATIONAL PHARMACY STUDENT FOUNDATION)'S SUMMER INTERNSHIP PROGRAM SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. sort of expected this to happen but can honestly say i am sad that i didn't get it, again.

Ok, cannot dwell out that. That is ALL i'm going to say about the happenings this week.

And the thing with french impressionism is, once you start to like it, you cannot go back to the same classical, baroque stuff you always play. you just dont get the same pleasure you did before hearing debussy. Ravel and Debussy sound so out there that when you practice you never quite know if you're doing something right. and the extent of difficulty is just indescribable. which make me not want to play because i get frustrated within 3 bars and i get mad at myself for going back to Sonatina because that's not trying at all. But i want to get better. what a predicament.

Let's hope my bad week ends here.