Yesterday was truely truely like a rollercoaster ride. i opened my eyes and FREAKED OUT...it was 645am which was the time i was supposed to be in the iv room already! I took only enough time to brush my teeth and stormed out the house..called them on the way and the preceptor said ok. she was nice enough to not make me come back in and extend my iv rotation indefinitely. but still my blood pressure must have elevated 20mmHG for sure....:-/
So at the end of the day, my friends and I decided to go out to celebrate a little. We knew about this event held by the graduate student association that was held at The Parlor in Santa Monica. So we decided to stop by before hitting a wine bar in Pasadena. so we all dolled up, and when we rolled in it was a SPORTS BAR. many people were in trainers and people are just lounging back watching football on these plasma screens. this horribly weird guy came up to us first apologized for being late d/t the bad traffic. we were wondeirng who among us knew the guy and no one did. so he blabered on and wouldn't shut up with his lame lines we decided to leave the table and went elsewhere. it was very uncivil but we had to do it. for him and for us.
then to accomplish my goal of at least speaking to 3 guys i picked someone and asked what was going on..because apparently no one really knew about the USC event and that pharm school was even invited. he was nice enough and showed us the person to talk to and gave us name tags. so 3 down, i was good for the rest of the night.
Ordered some chicken quesadilla, and some more guys made small talks to us but nothing lasted. we were just having some girl time. and then these peopel sat next to us. the guys started talking to us and since i wasn't attracted to them, i had no problem carrying on the conversation. So it turned out that they were dental students. first years. really loving it. and pretty Persian. (nothing against persian really, i think the girls are hot). and this guy started inquiring about our ethnicity, because like so many other lame ass guys, they apparently think it's a good converstaion starter, even if you guessed it WRONG. Well, in those cases, it's only amusing for the inquirer and not so much for the inquiree. started commenting on my friend who's philipino, said that he was going on a date with a flip girl on saturday too, and his previous 2 gfs were both flip. (TMI: why the heck do we need to know that?) and then something about the flip aboriginal people used to wear next to nothing, must have been a pretty sight to see for the spanish settlers after 4 months on the sea. WHAT THE HELL?! so i had to correct him that i'm sure people wore some kind of clohting. even back then no one would prance around naked unless you're some pre historic homo sapiens. and he thought i was mocking him (I WAS), and tried to explained some more. so i had to reinstate my believe, if you travel on the sea for 3 or 4 months you'd see ANYONE NAKED when you get off the ship. i'm sure we really "bound" through that heated discussion over nothing intellectual. how i love debates.
he then proceeded to say we should hit up the dental parties..and ate a piece of my quesadilla (cold by then). my friends and I just decided to bounce and that was when some cute guys started to talk to us on the streets. but their friggin friend in the car made them leave so i was majorly disappointed.
The Bodega Wine Bar was a nice little thing in Paseo Colorado. I liekd how there were a plethora of chairs/sofas for us to lounge on. we tried some merlot named Calbec and this chardonnay named Verdejo. didn't like either of them that much but the service was good. left when dizziness started to kick in.
overall, a very fun and eventful night. But no ma, still haven't found the holiday bf to spend the holidays with. afraid it's going to be another lonely countdown to 2008.
2007年11月10日 星期六
love Gershwin plays Gershwin
I can't express how happy i am with the classical music station i pledged to support. Commercial-free, good music, all the time. makes my morning commute THAT much better and fewer road rage episodes.....
today was another pleasant surprise when i heard this:
Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue
just beautiful..and you're at your destination before you realize it. what will i do w/o music in my life?
today was another pleasant surprise when i heard this:
Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue
just beautiful..and you're at your destination before you realize it. what will i do w/o music in my life?
2007年11月5日 星期一
don't know why
don't know why but i'm really diggin this song ;)
by the way this is Local H's Bound for the Floor
by the way this is Local H's Bound for the Floor
2007年11月3日 星期六
not very good at it
a sudden feeling of incompetency.
yesterday I got a phone call from my parents about my grandma (the only grandparent i have left) had had a minor stroke. She is concious alright, but has lost sensations in the right side of her body, also she has difficulty speaking clearly. something to do with her cranial nerve, i suppose. it sort of put me in a depressed mood. i can't help but feel like my worse nightmare is coming true, slowly but persistently. I have always feared family death, ever since I started losing my first grandparent. I suppose that was the first sign of growing up, realizing that people DO and WILL die around you. And that you're getting older, and there's nothing you can do about it (the learned helplessness, as they would say in psychological terms). It makes me extremely fearful, not because of the death itself, but getting old. I'm only scared of death of family members or those who i care for, knowing that i'm HERE, and they are THERE. and there's nothing i can't do about it. I can't physically be there by dropping everything that's in my life right now...but seeing how they physically deteriorate is very heartbreaking. I can't do anything about it. I keep having the feeling that eventually one day everyone including my parents will leave, and then i'll be truely alone.
It's tempting to think that when someone you love dies, your whole life turns around, nothing is the same anymore and you'll forever mourn. But as I learned over the years you do go on with your life, that person just becomes a small part of your memory. You dont think about him/her too much on a daily basis. you're only REMINDED of them on certain occasions. So that makes me think that it would be the same for me, when i leave one day, the world goes around liek usual. people still get up in the morning and buy their 6am coffee and go to work, and i will be 'deceased' as if never existed. so what really is left of me?
Recently have been having the feeling that i'm not very good at my job, as a student, as a pharmacist, or a scientist (if i can call myself that at all). I am starting to learn more about this field and understand more about it. But i'm having difficulty retaining the memory i learned in class. I dont know if i'm not very good at it because i dont breathe this material, i dont live in it and most of the time dont take interest in it (although i AM improving). But i am not the best i can be.
and i think about it, i dont know if anyone can be with someone who is so angry and sad all the times. I hate to be made to do things, and i'm angry at people who are mean but they are all around. i'm self concious, and i have mood swings.
yesterday I got a phone call from my parents about my grandma (the only grandparent i have left) had had a minor stroke. She is concious alright, but has lost sensations in the right side of her body, also she has difficulty speaking clearly. something to do with her cranial nerve, i suppose. it sort of put me in a depressed mood. i can't help but feel like my worse nightmare is coming true, slowly but persistently. I have always feared family death, ever since I started losing my first grandparent. I suppose that was the first sign of growing up, realizing that people DO and WILL die around you. And that you're getting older, and there's nothing you can do about it (the learned helplessness, as they would say in psychological terms). It makes me extremely fearful, not because of the death itself, but getting old. I'm only scared of death of family members or those who i care for, knowing that i'm HERE, and they are THERE. and there's nothing i can't do about it. I can't physically be there by dropping everything that's in my life right now...but seeing how they physically deteriorate is very heartbreaking. I can't do anything about it. I keep having the feeling that eventually one day everyone including my parents will leave, and then i'll be truely alone.
It's tempting to think that when someone you love dies, your whole life turns around, nothing is the same anymore and you'll forever mourn. But as I learned over the years you do go on with your life, that person just becomes a small part of your memory. You dont think about him/her too much on a daily basis. you're only REMINDED of them on certain occasions. So that makes me think that it would be the same for me, when i leave one day, the world goes around liek usual. people still get up in the morning and buy their 6am coffee and go to work, and i will be 'deceased' as if never existed. so what really is left of me?
Recently have been having the feeling that i'm not very good at my job, as a student, as a pharmacist, or a scientist (if i can call myself that at all). I am starting to learn more about this field and understand more about it. But i'm having difficulty retaining the memory i learned in class. I dont know if i'm not very good at it because i dont breathe this material, i dont live in it and most of the time dont take interest in it (although i AM improving). But i am not the best i can be.
and i think about it, i dont know if anyone can be with someone who is so angry and sad all the times. I hate to be made to do things, and i'm angry at people who are mean but they are all around. i'm self concious, and i have mood swings.
2007年10月29日 星期一
tomorrow
tomorrow i'm going in for my last follow-up with my doctor regarding the abscess on my leg. it's shruken in size tremendously and i'm happy to say that it's no longer a danger to my leg...now it's just healing and challenge me to scratch it. but no i will not give in! so tomorrow is quite possibly (actually i'm 100% sure) that it will be the last time seeing the cute doc. It's embarrassing but after that incident last time I actually have been thinking quite a lot the possibility of dating one's own doctor, and therefore did some research on that. The conclusion is no matter what you do or how you defend it, it's UNETHICAL and WRONG.
According to sources, their license can be suspended for having an affair with a patient, or make comments regarding the patient's appearence, and they cannot terminate their service in anticipation of going out with the patient, and there has to be a 2 year gap before he can legally ask you out again, IF there is no chance of future professional service. So all in all, it is INCREDIBLY hard for you to date your doctor, even if you're both interested (and i doubt he shares the sentiment). And considering how if things don't work out, or i'm rejected, i will one day need to return to the Student Health again, which makes it a even less desirable choice to do so (ask him out). my friends encouraged me to just ask him out to coffee...but i KNOW that i will mostly be turned down on the basis of professional relationship.
which is interesting because, when i was younger i never even thought about things like this. To me people who provide service to me are just people and nothing more. So there can only be 2 possibilities: 1. i've been single for too long and therefore am experiencing 'spring fever'; or 2. i'm more grown up now and am just simply more aware of people of the opposite sex since we are closer in age now. I would like to think it's option number 2 because it looks like everywhere i go i'm serviced by people close to my age, therefore i no longer look at them as big brothers or old, middle aged men rather people who i might have a potential with. (another classic example, the ticket guy in Zurich). As absurd as it sounds i can't believe i actually spent a great deal of my time thinking about these run-ins and what might come out of it (while in reality, i do nothing, and he's not interested, end of story).
Back to the topic, so tomorrow is my last apointment with him. I'm pretty sure it'll be a 30 second follow up because it's basically healed almost completely and there's no need for return visits. and they are usually extremely busy. i am sort of looking at it as this anti-climatic ending to my little one week crush. I guess i can look at it from the positive side that at least it gives me something to occupy my otherwise work/school-filled, boring life. I'm just sad that it ends tomorrow and it's back to reality of 2 midterms and one final and countless days in the hospital at 630 in the morning.
on top of that, i was assigned to a presentation group with this only cute guy in class who im not friends with. He's been pretty weird and retty nice. but he belongs to a totally different world (because he's involved, and seem to be liked by everyone, and younger) while i on the other hand is bitter, sarcastic, despise people can't wait to roll out of class every afternoon, and OLDER. He's definitely been an eye candy for the past one month when we had to work together, but that's coming to an end as well. We aren't even acquaintances yet because we never have anything really to say to each other. i think we both think each other is weird, and as i've argued with K, we just didn't know what to say.
So basically, two of my harmless crushes are coming to an end possibly this or next week, and in a sick way i'm sort of looking forward to it. I think the reality is although i think i am, i'm really not ready to share my life with anther person just yt.
-------------------------
cute pickup line (i didn't come up with this):
Pt: I think I need another doctor.
Doc: Why?
Pt: because i'm attracted to you so i can't keep seeing you. Would you like to grab lunch sometime?
--------------------------
another good thought regarding the whole 'date your doctor' issue:
"if you really like someone, you would not want to take away his livelihood (meaning his license). Change your doctor and stop seeing him. "
A cute vid:
According to sources, their license can be suspended for having an affair with a patient, or make comments regarding the patient's appearence, and they cannot terminate their service in anticipation of going out with the patient, and there has to be a 2 year gap before he can legally ask you out again, IF there is no chance of future professional service. So all in all, it is INCREDIBLY hard for you to date your doctor, even if you're both interested (and i doubt he shares the sentiment). And considering how if things don't work out, or i'm rejected, i will one day need to return to the Student Health again, which makes it a even less desirable choice to do so (ask him out). my friends encouraged me to just ask him out to coffee...but i KNOW that i will mostly be turned down on the basis of professional relationship.
which is interesting because, when i was younger i never even thought about things like this. To me people who provide service to me are just people and nothing more. So there can only be 2 possibilities: 1. i've been single for too long and therefore am experiencing 'spring fever'; or 2. i'm more grown up now and am just simply more aware of people of the opposite sex since we are closer in age now. I would like to think it's option number 2 because it looks like everywhere i go i'm serviced by people close to my age, therefore i no longer look at them as big brothers or old, middle aged men rather people who i might have a potential with. (another classic example, the ticket guy in Zurich). As absurd as it sounds i can't believe i actually spent a great deal of my time thinking about these run-ins and what might come out of it (while in reality, i do nothing, and he's not interested, end of story).
Back to the topic, so tomorrow is my last apointment with him. I'm pretty sure it'll be a 30 second follow up because it's basically healed almost completely and there's no need for return visits. and they are usually extremely busy. i am sort of looking at it as this anti-climatic ending to my little one week crush. I guess i can look at it from the positive side that at least it gives me something to occupy my otherwise work/school-filled, boring life. I'm just sad that it ends tomorrow and it's back to reality of 2 midterms and one final and countless days in the hospital at 630 in the morning.
on top of that, i was assigned to a presentation group with this only cute guy in class who im not friends with. He's been pretty weird and retty nice. but he belongs to a totally different world (because he's involved, and seem to be liked by everyone, and younger) while i on the other hand is bitter, sarcastic, despise people can't wait to roll out of class every afternoon, and OLDER. He's definitely been an eye candy for the past one month when we had to work together, but that's coming to an end as well. We aren't even acquaintances yet because we never have anything really to say to each other. i think we both think each other is weird, and as i've argued with K, we just didn't know what to say.
So basically, two of my harmless crushes are coming to an end possibly this or next week, and in a sick way i'm sort of looking forward to it. I think the reality is although i think i am, i'm really not ready to share my life with anther person just yt.
-------------------------
cute pickup line (i didn't come up with this):
Pt: I think I need another doctor.
Doc: Why?
Pt: because i'm attracted to you so i can't keep seeing you. Would you like to grab lunch sometime?
--------------------------
another good thought regarding the whole 'date your doctor' issue:
"if you really like someone, you would not want to take away his livelihood (meaning his license). Change your doctor and stop seeing him. "
A cute vid:
2007年10月27日 星期六
things waiting to be accomplished
today is the last saturday before the official arrival of Halloween, and I seem to be the only person on early who is staying in and not dressed up to a party or an amusement park of some sort.
i suppose it makes me feel slightly better knowing that i finally have a chance to put a few things down that i want to remind myself--- things i intend to accomplish within the next couple of months, or years:
- piano lessons: i've checked out a few quality schools around the area (and there's actually a lot!) so as soon as i'm done with the stupid finals/midterms i will be signing up for sure.
- french lessons: the other day i was talking about my days in Paris with K and i realized how little i remember about everything i've learned. I can read and understand okay but all the verbe conjugations have gone out the window. that's really sad seeing how much i've spent on my french education for the past 2 years....
- explore more nightlife places in/around LA, and i dont mean only clubs: as stated before, not a huge fan of clubbing. I only go for the decor. they tend to look really posh and pretty and you pretty much can sit there with some girlfriends drink yummy cosmos. i'm sure i'll regret not meeting guys when i'm older. but for now NOT getting groped seems like a pretty good idea to me. The thing is there are so many places to explore in LA. I read about this bar where you pay $10 for a martini and a manicure! wouldnt' that be fun? well to me anyway...;)
- go on a speed dating event: no i'm not doing this because i am desperate. just because i've always been curious about it. it always looks so fun in movies (ie. the 40 year old virgin, Hitch.....you get the picture). even if people are lame (or i'm one of them) it can still be fun just meeting people.
- go on a internatioal medical team: although expensive, and i wonder if it's really worth PAYING to volunteer in third world countries, it can actually be a good experience. I have always wanted to help out, and i know my parents/friends won't liek the idea and that it is stil pretty dangerous considering the many kinds of parasites in food/water/enviornment that can intoxicate me.
- go to more concerts in town: i had the pleasure to visit walt disney concert hall a couple weeks ago for Beethoven's Symphonie No.7. And it turned out to be a wonderful experience. which makes me wonder why i did not do it more often.
- tell those people who bother me to go to hell: i'm already as busy and stressed out as i ever can be in my life. I've certainly pushed myself more than i have my whole entire life since i started school (never thought it was possible to pull a 12-14 hr day AND study after i came home and managed to wake up again at 530am. but that's what i've been doing).
- NOT be bothered by the fact that i may be the last single person among my friends/family of equal age. Yes it's true my guardian (who likes to show off)'s 2nd daughter who is a nurse anesthesiologist is getting married to a lawyer. and that the majority of my friends or people i know are either dating, engaged, married, or gave birth. And i'm constantly gettign questions like why i haven't met anyway seeing i go to the same school/campus as the rest of the health professions (ie. doctors, physical therapists...) it always sounds so sad when i try to defend myself, because it has worked out for most people by being in close proximity to MD's. I have had to keep telling myself, "i'm not hideous, i'm not hideous, i'm not hideous.." or when truely heinous couples make out i think "that is true love." It doesn't change teh fact that i am still looked at as the pitiful one. so NO I CAN'T BE BOTHERED!
- work out everyother day or more: i've let myself go for a while and now i'm really feeling disgusting. i need to get back to my workout regimen like in college and be active again. just because i'm not seeing anyone doesn't mean i can look like a lard. there are dresses i would like to fit in, one day.
- is there more?
i suppose it makes me feel slightly better knowing that i finally have a chance to put a few things down that i want to remind myself--- things i intend to accomplish within the next couple of months, or years:
- piano lessons: i've checked out a few quality schools around the area (and there's actually a lot!) so as soon as i'm done with the stupid finals/midterms i will be signing up for sure.
- french lessons: the other day i was talking about my days in Paris with K and i realized how little i remember about everything i've learned. I can read and understand okay but all the verbe conjugations have gone out the window. that's really sad seeing how much i've spent on my french education for the past 2 years....
- explore more nightlife places in/around LA, and i dont mean only clubs: as stated before, not a huge fan of clubbing. I only go for the decor. they tend to look really posh and pretty and you pretty much can sit there with some girlfriends drink yummy cosmos. i'm sure i'll regret not meeting guys when i'm older. but for now NOT getting groped seems like a pretty good idea to me. The thing is there are so many places to explore in LA. I read about this bar where you pay $10 for a martini and a manicure! wouldnt' that be fun? well to me anyway...;)
- go on a speed dating event: no i'm not doing this because i am desperate. just because i've always been curious about it. it always looks so fun in movies (ie. the 40 year old virgin, Hitch.....you get the picture). even if people are lame (or i'm one of them) it can still be fun just meeting people.
- go on a internatioal medical team: although expensive, and i wonder if it's really worth PAYING to volunteer in third world countries, it can actually be a good experience. I have always wanted to help out, and i know my parents/friends won't liek the idea and that it is stil pretty dangerous considering the many kinds of parasites in food/water/enviornment that can intoxicate me.
- go to more concerts in town: i had the pleasure to visit walt disney concert hall a couple weeks ago for Beethoven's Symphonie No.7. And it turned out to be a wonderful experience. which makes me wonder why i did not do it more often.
- tell those people who bother me to go to hell: i'm already as busy and stressed out as i ever can be in my life. I've certainly pushed myself more than i have my whole entire life since i started school (never thought it was possible to pull a 12-14 hr day AND study after i came home and managed to wake up again at 530am. but that's what i've been doing).
- NOT be bothered by the fact that i may be the last single person among my friends/family of equal age. Yes it's true my guardian (who likes to show off)'s 2nd daughter who is a nurse anesthesiologist is getting married to a lawyer. and that the majority of my friends or people i know are either dating, engaged, married, or gave birth. And i'm constantly gettign questions like why i haven't met anyway seeing i go to the same school/campus as the rest of the health professions (ie. doctors, physical therapists...) it always sounds so sad when i try to defend myself, because it has worked out for most people by being in close proximity to MD's. I have had to keep telling myself, "i'm not hideous, i'm not hideous, i'm not hideous.." or when truely heinous couples make out i think "that is true love." It doesn't change teh fact that i am still looked at as the pitiful one. so NO I CAN'T BE BOTHERED!
- work out everyother day or more: i've let myself go for a while and now i'm really feeling disgusting. i need to get back to my workout regimen like in college and be active again. just because i'm not seeing anyone doesn't mean i can look like a lard. there are dresses i would like to fit in, one day.
- is there more?
2007年10月22日 星期一
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