should i stay or should i go now

Yesterday was the first of the many events that can potentially affect my immediate future- residency showcase. Lately I've been thinking a lot about doing it or at least a fellowship and where i might want to do it. Ideally, in a different city. But i was sharing those sentiments with my parents who are in town and they did not like what they heard. I was told that i should probably check out some of the hospitals closer to where we live and so i can continue living HERE. this was not the first time we had this discussion about how much i hate LA and want to move out. So i was feeling pretty frustrated.

I went and checked out most of the programs..and i liked what i saw. the residents and the directors were nice and friendly. And even though i knew the chances of me getting into the top programs were as slim as a needle, i enjoyed talking to them and finding out the information i wanted to know. Basically, with some programs you could structure it however way you want it. there's some core rotations, some inpatient, some ambulatory. But there's a good variety so you're exposed to everything. I might even apply to some of the programs i had not considered before.

So the question is, should i stay or should i go? Again i'm sure somehow i will come back here or go 'home home' when i'm done with all the craziness. But right now my mentality is very much getting the heck out of here. even if it's only san diego. I understand that if i stayed in LA i'll have more opportunities to be with my family when they visit. But also dont thinkg being in my late twenties and living home is a good idea. I miss it when i had roommates and was actively meeting people and having a social life. and i REALLY need to do that for my own sake so i can feel like an independent woman again.



Of course, now that i've spent so much time in soCal, most of my friends will be here after we graduate. And I really enjoy the fact that i can go get a drink after work and rant about rotation/school after a really long day. And on the weekends i can hang out with another group and just be comfortable with who i am. these are the things i will have to give up once i move. Because let's face it, a lot of things can go wrong when you're by yourself in a different city. you could have a super inconsiderate roommate, or colleagues who you dont get along with, and residency programs that drive you insane and pay you pocket change for the time you put in. and within 3 weeks you'd want to go home. yes these are indeed very concerning risks. but i think im still young enough to face all that challenges before i really committ myself to a long-term job back home and stay with that company until i'm fifty (or whenever i'm laid off). I'd like to use the last couple years in my twenties being adventurous and career oriented and possibly get the love life going again after a super long hiatus (which made people suspect that i was actually a lesbian).

so now i gotta convince my parents that it's a good idea, AFTER i get in.