I'm not clubbing anymore...at least, in the near future (until i'm coerced).
Well, there are times in my life where i would wake up and have terrible flashbacks about the day/night before about some stupid things i shouldnt' have done. They are usually pretty mild in nature (nothing like doing drugs, smoking pot, hooking up, accidentally stabbing someone..). But i am kinda hitting that point where i think clubbing or drinking isn't the thing for me anymore.
A week from today i was attending this MedProm thrown by medical students at USC. And i haave to say that it was fun up until the point where i got pretty sick. It just sort of happened. And then my friend spent the rest of the night taking care of me. Of course, i was mortified too, because i'm not a drunkard, and I can hold my alcohol pretty well, sort of speak. But i think that night something just didn't feel right. So i was sweating cold sweats, and my stomach was turning. I actually ended up having a group of med students taking care of me and asking if i was alrite. and a mutual friend who i barely knew had to drive me and my friend back to my car, where my friend subsequently took over and drove my a** home.
Of course, the following day i felt like an idiot. i had to do it on MED SCHOOL TERRITORY, as if i didnt' tarnish my name badly enough. Why?? These people share the same campus as us and if anything they will forever remember me as THAT girl. i'm usually not like that! i wish there's a way for me to explain but i guess with people you dont know, first impression is THE impression. And my poor friend, who had to take care me, who i am forever in debt to, had to bear with me for so long. And i have to say that, after that crazy of a night, i prolly want to swear off anything remotely alcoholic for a while. Even though my friends and I like to taste different wines/champagns just to learn. That will have to stop too.
I am just kind of shocked, and dissappointed in my self. I feel that the past 1.5 year i was sort of on a tail spin, trying to go out more as to not sit home and feel like i'm not invested socially, and to increase my chance of "meeting someone" because of the number of people around me getting hitched/engaged. But truthfully, you can not expect to meet quality individuals at a night spot. Especially with the way i am, i dont like to play cute/flirty. So in a way that is sort of a waste of my time if i'm not going to be nice to strangers or go home with someone at the end of the day. I look at it always as hanging out with girlfriends as to not have any expectations.
So no more late night hang outs with high stress for me. :o)
2009年1月31日 星期六
2009年1月29日 星期四
in the year of 2009..
another one of my close roommate is engaged.
i think that pretty much says it all.
In fact, i think i'm the ONLY person that i know amongst my roommates who do not have a 1)serious bf or 2) a fiance. And the funny thing is, i guess when you are NOT in a relationship with someone you can always see the problems clearly. but in the end, the joke is kind of on you when you're the last one standing to catch the bouquet.
In the very beginning when my freshman year roommate got with her bf, i was prolly the most surprised because she was so popular with guys and almost every single day she would get a bunch of invites for dinner, lunch, school functions...etc. and then she got with this guy, and they have such a turbulent relationship. Everytime they have a fight people have to get out of the room/apt because it sounded pretty scary. And he always managed to break something on his way out/during the fight (ie. glass to the fire hydrant, stuff toys...etc). things get thrown around and really nasty words were said. But at the end of the day, they stayed together. He was always such an a** around her gf (including me) that he just could not even false the least amount of civility when he met us. always seemed impatient. and one time even wrote an email to confront me because he though i mis-treated his gf (and anyone who knows me knows this shit is impossible). so we had a major fall out and never talked again. I in turn kind of drifted apart with my roommate because me and her bf just cannot exist under one roof.
But what do I know, their turbulent, on and off relationship, worked out in the end after 7 years of togetherness. In a way i'm happy for her because she's taking this big step in life with someone she likes (hopefully). and in a way of course i think she can always do better but who am i to say. and In a way i wonder if it's me who's been seeing everything too clearly that's why i'm unable to find someone to committ to a relationship with.
roommate #2: super duper cute girl who's also very smart who moved here in the middle of her Taipei First Girl High School years. We met while worked together in the cafeteria and she was also very sought after by the guys. so finally, in a sea of CS guys this one relentlessly pursued her and won her heart. And then it was like she would talk to us about her problems of him being insecure and always putting her down to make her feel unworthy. I'm guessing he's doing this because he's not all that great looking compared to her, and he has a HUGE ego and thinks he's pretty darn smart (as does most CS guys). So then she would complain, but would get over it...
Anyway, the story being, they are engaged to be married too. And one of these days i gotta go to the bridal shop with her to pick out a gown.
things in your life always make you wonder if you should just walk around and be with anyone you can be with at the moment. who cares about tomorrow or what happens in the future?
i think that pretty much says it all.
In fact, i think i'm the ONLY person that i know amongst my roommates who do not have a 1)serious bf or 2) a fiance. And the funny thing is, i guess when you are NOT in a relationship with someone you can always see the problems clearly. but in the end, the joke is kind of on you when you're the last one standing to catch the bouquet.
In the very beginning when my freshman year roommate got with her bf, i was prolly the most surprised because she was so popular with guys and almost every single day she would get a bunch of invites for dinner, lunch, school functions...etc. and then she got with this guy, and they have such a turbulent relationship. Everytime they have a fight people have to get out of the room/apt because it sounded pretty scary. And he always managed to break something on his way out/during the fight (ie. glass to the fire hydrant, stuff toys...etc). things get thrown around and really nasty words were said. But at the end of the day, they stayed together. He was always such an a** around her gf (including me) that he just could not even false the least amount of civility when he met us. always seemed impatient. and one time even wrote an email to confront me because he though i mis-treated his gf (and anyone who knows me knows this shit is impossible). so we had a major fall out and never talked again. I in turn kind of drifted apart with my roommate because me and her bf just cannot exist under one roof.
But what do I know, their turbulent, on and off relationship, worked out in the end after 7 years of togetherness. In a way i'm happy for her because she's taking this big step in life with someone she likes (hopefully). and in a way of course i think she can always do better but who am i to say. and In a way i wonder if it's me who's been seeing everything too clearly that's why i'm unable to find someone to committ to a relationship with.
roommate #2: super duper cute girl who's also very smart who moved here in the middle of her Taipei First Girl High School years. We met while worked together in the cafeteria and she was also very sought after by the guys. so finally, in a sea of CS guys this one relentlessly pursued her and won her heart. And then it was like she would talk to us about her problems of him being insecure and always putting her down to make her feel unworthy. I'm guessing he's doing this because he's not all that great looking compared to her, and he has a HUGE ego and thinks he's pretty darn smart (as does most CS guys). So then she would complain, but would get over it...
Anyway, the story being, they are engaged to be married too. And one of these days i gotta go to the bridal shop with her to pick out a gown.
things in your life always make you wonder if you should just walk around and be with anyone you can be with at the moment. who cares about tomorrow or what happens in the future?
2009年1月17日 星期六
This and That, at the beginning of 2009
Yes! finally finished cleaning my room 2 hrs before parents arrive! and i'm literally bent backwards, but never mind that, the house is clean! my room is clean! there's no rotten food anywhere on the desk and the toilet seat is so clean i can take a nap on it...
ANYWAY..
although my 2008 is now in the past and there's much to look forward to (or little) in 2009, here are a few things that remain unchanged which i noticed in the past few days:
- profiles on Facebook: guys who TRY to look like a pimp still can't find a picture without being surrounded by at least 3+ girls or leaving a provocative status as if wanting people to envy their lifestyle (" had the BEST time in so and so place, went to cool awesome places...")
- Profiles on dating website: guys who can't find pictures without a woman's arm around his neck or face against his face-- this is why i haven't really been able to commit to the cyber dating world. Obviously if you are having trouble taking a picture BY YOURSELF, you have plenty of company of the opposite sex in your life. i just cannot see what message they are tryin to infer.
- profiles on facebook: people with strong political affiliation, especially those who are die-hard republican-- yes, i get that you're a HUGE Bush fan, but will you stop using different shots of you with mr. president as your profile picture. i get the picture! you're sad that he's leaving the office in 3 days, and think that america might have possibly made the biggest mistake. I'm guessing "students for Barack Obama" might not be your group to join on facebook. well, it is for me.
- Quest to hunt for husbands/future bfs: well, honestly this has been slowed down by my own adverse feelings toward it at the end of 2008. all it takes is the right place at the right time with the right personl. having crashed gazillions of social events makes me feel like, unaccomplished, and unmotivated. I'm not about to go home with someone on the first day, and i can't deal with guys at clubs who are aggressive, and i'm not exactly at the age where i can go out with the busboy anymore. So i'm feeling this immense pressure to have to attend this PROM for medical school next week. Somehow i already know how the night is going to end. and the scariest of it all, is having to drive to the event in my semi formal dress.
- feeling unwomanly, and likely never to be womanly enough to participate in the life's biggest events such as marriage, pregnancy, childbirth: Yes, i continue to go to school with 180 other females. So the estrogen-over powering class is about the age of, well late 20s. So after every break there's also new engagement rings to be shined, or baby bumps to be seen, or ultrasound pictures to be shown. I tried to be as good a player as i possibly can and show my enthusiasm at every detail of their wedding planning, engagement detail, and the sex of the child they are bearing but i'm probably doing a horrible job at it (considering my situation). So thursday while seeing another ultrasound picture i was staring at two people hugging each other and screaming.....Can you blame me? i'm the 10% of people who are without a ring on her ring finger in class. that reminds me, gotta go to the bridal convention wtih a friend.
So how is my 2009 going to differ?
- well for one, i am starting my rotations in May. I MAY be applying for fellowships at the end of the year, for which i have to write more applications and attend interviews and prepare to move to the east coast by myself.
- time for a eurotrip (finally)
- quit my current job (yes!) although i have become so fast and good at it, it's a shame to leave. but good customers cannot make me stay one minute longer where i can't have a decent lunch break and the yellings from customers everyday. i need to be around people around my age, where there are more GUYS and fewer female pharmacists who pms and talk about their kids (or dont' talk to you at all).
- To Be continued...
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