2008年12月7日 星期日
Dear Zachary: A letter to a Son about his Father
I caught this on msnbc today, and i have to say, this has got to be one of the best documentaries i've seen. I'm usually not a fan of documentary type of films but this has touched me in many ways. i probably can't put my feelings to words as eloquently as the statement of the film maker himself. he's shown us many faces of love, i am brought to tears by the depth of love andrew's parents have for him. their whole life changed the minute andrew was murdered, and yet they fought on, like real fighters, against the canadian justice system, the canadian bail system, to try to extradite the crazy psycho bitch murderer ex-gf of andrew back to US to be tried. they loved andrew so much they dealed with her relentlessly for years, all for the sake of their grandchild. i admire the film directer/writer/producer who made of film for his friend just so he can tell the truth, the whole truth, to some oblivious people like myself who was previously unaware of the whole ordeal until today after work after dinner. but i'm not going to spoil it.
so yes, i highly recommend this film, if you haven't seen it already.
i sincerely hope that, one day, i can touch the lives of so many people like Dr. Andrew Bagby and his parents did.
2008年12月6日 星期六
Bite me!
@7:15 of this episode:
MONICA: Come on Rach, when a guy says he's going to call, it doesn't mean he's going to call. Hasn't it ever happened to you?
RACHEL: Well, they always called.
MONICA: Hmm, bite me.
******************************************************************************
Yes, that's how i feel, most of the time.
I don't think i need to reiterate anymore than i already have how much intense pressure i'm under everytime i'm forced to make an appearance with my sis's. they are perfectly adquately aggreeable but when we do show up together in front of family friends/relatives/strangers everywhere I am forced to retract into my invisible suit completed with a helmet and soundproof glass.Yes i realize that they are unconventionally attractive, as i'm told millions of times in my face or not, and that their perfect skin/stature/style surpasses me 10 times.
which is why its only natural that we live different life experiences.
today and many times before, I would say something about how i can easily tell when a guy likes someone, because they make it pretty obvious. and i dont see how some girls can be oblivious to the fact because guys are pretty easy to read. then of course i was told that "because most guys talk to me, and often for a long time so i can't tell by normal people's standards, because that would mean that everyone likes me." and apparently no one ever ignores her in the hall way, so naturally it's not easy for her to tell whether someone likes her or not.
well, BITE ME THEN. i guess i shouldnt' generalize for most people since i definitely dont live in a world where people cannot bear to ignore me, they would follow me anywhere and i would get hit on by dentists, doctors, grocery store baggers, stereo shop sales people, jewelry designers, and barney's new york saleman. i'm sorry that i'm not called beautiful everyday of my life which makes it hard to distinguish whether people mean it or not (mostly not). I"m sorry that everytime i comment on someone in the store/on the street/ at a restaurant who seems cute and interesting that i'm told "that guy just tried to talk to me."
apparently the only thing god-given i have over my siblings is head above my shoulder which i'm not even sure if it's working anymore considering my struggle with school right now. and intelligence in today's world if anything is a flaw in women rather than a plus. it's almost impossible to find someone who's not slobbering after my friends or my sisters. even a frog would dream to be with a princess, and i happen to fall into the crack in earth that's neither beautiful or hideous, just plain.
2008年12月5日 星期五
Surviving, singleness, holidays.....
*this is in response to a recent incident happened to us*
so if you're single, apparently you can't be left alone.
when some guy who lives 2000 miles away suddenly becomes available you have to make time to go sit and have dinner with him. then your enthusiastic certain relative suddenly finds out that he's not planning to settle down at least for a couple years, and he's not interested in, tw girls.
and then this other 40 year old guy who ALSO lives 2000 miles away becomes available and you are again forced to make dinner plans with him to see if you're a good fit. yes, FLYING to go meet this mysterious someone who is approved by your other relatives enthusiastic to hook you up.
and people tell you left and right that once you cross the big 2-5- or 3-0- you're no longer desirable so if there's someone who wants to marry you better act FAST, even if you risk looking desperate or like that fat kid in gym class who no one picks to be on their team.
you ask: is it worth it? am i THAT hideous? is my life turning into that of the Bennet sisters in Pride and Prejudice, where in your relatives/parents eyes, ANY GUY is a potential and GOD FORBID if you refuse, you will die, lonely, and single, and hold a candle to yourself every christmas for years to come.
IS IT WORTH IT? Heck no! It hasn't happen to me yet and i surely hope it wont. but it's happened to someone who i won't name. but i'm sure pretty soon, that will be my story to tell. whatever happened to free love? whatever happened to fate? whatever happened to "meet cute"? apparently in our case right now it doesn't exist. For me it's FAR from existing. it's true i dont have a valid argument against the enthusiastic relatives/parents of mine that MY SYSTEM is working, because apparently, IT DOESNT. that would explain why i am hanging with mostly girls and sitting home on V-day. but i dont need anyone to remind me that fact that my singlness seems miserable. i know it's an eyesore because it's like skin cancer, i feel it too. but it's definitley not a disability. I constantly have to remind myself that i am only 25, and that my life is not over yet. but people and the world around you can make you feel so old and so hopeless. I definitely did not grow up thinking i'm going to eventually marry a 40 old in my 20s who i dont find physically attractive.
Can't i just have a little hope for true love still?
p.s. if we find your friend attractive (physically or mentally), we'll ask. but if you wouldn't want to date him in your earlier days, neither do we.
*sorry about the visible frustration in the post, i'm studying for finals, and things like these are never pleasant to deal with*
so if you're single, apparently you can't be left alone.
when some guy who lives 2000 miles away suddenly becomes available you have to make time to go sit and have dinner with him. then your enthusiastic certain relative suddenly finds out that he's not planning to settle down at least for a couple years, and he's not interested in, tw girls.
and then this other 40 year old guy who ALSO lives 2000 miles away becomes available and you are again forced to make dinner plans with him to see if you're a good fit. yes, FLYING to go meet this mysterious someone who is approved by your other relatives enthusiastic to hook you up.
and people tell you left and right that once you cross the big 2-5- or 3-0- you're no longer desirable so if there's someone who wants to marry you better act FAST, even if you risk looking desperate or like that fat kid in gym class who no one picks to be on their team.
you ask: is it worth it? am i THAT hideous? is my life turning into that of the Bennet sisters in Pride and Prejudice, where in your relatives/parents eyes, ANY GUY is a potential and GOD FORBID if you refuse, you will die, lonely, and single, and hold a candle to yourself every christmas for years to come.
IS IT WORTH IT? Heck no! It hasn't happen to me yet and i surely hope it wont. but it's happened to someone who i won't name. but i'm sure pretty soon, that will be my story to tell. whatever happened to free love? whatever happened to fate? whatever happened to "meet cute"? apparently in our case right now it doesn't exist. For me it's FAR from existing. it's true i dont have a valid argument against the enthusiastic relatives/parents of mine that MY SYSTEM is working, because apparently, IT DOESNT. that would explain why i am hanging with mostly girls and sitting home on V-day. but i dont need anyone to remind me that fact that my singlness seems miserable. i know it's an eyesore because it's like skin cancer, i feel it too. but it's definitley not a disability. I constantly have to remind myself that i am only 25, and that my life is not over yet. but people and the world around you can make you feel so old and so hopeless. I definitely did not grow up thinking i'm going to eventually marry a 40 old in my 20s who i dont find physically attractive.
Can't i just have a little hope for true love still?
p.s. if we find your friend attractive (physically or mentally), we'll ask. but if you wouldn't want to date him in your earlier days, neither do we.
*sorry about the visible frustration in the post, i'm studying for finals, and things like these are never pleasant to deal with*
2008年11月26日 星期三
If there is nothing else you want to see in the musical theater......
*back post*
review for Spring Awakening--
See THIS!
I've been wanting to blog about this for some time now, but ever since i spent that only free weekend (with no exam whatsoever) hanging out and doing nothing i haven't had a chance.
Spring Awakening is this new genre of musical theater, written by Duncan Shiek (remember Barely Breathing..ohhhh my knees go soft). the songs throughout are awesome, and very catchy, and the story line brought me to tears. It was about teenage angst and sexuality, and i think it's great for all ages. Mind you, some mind be offended by the crass language "Bitch of living", "Fucked" ....and lots and lots of sexual innuendos. but I think it's not appropriate. It's definitely different, i give you that. As a person who LOVES classical everything especially in the world of musical this has gotta be one of my newest obsession. I still like all the Andrew Lloyd Webber's stuff and Sound of Music and whatnot, but this is a breath of fresh air. My favorite numbers, being "Mama who Bore me" "I believe". The cast is energetic and fun, and when the story turns sorrowful i cried a few tears as well. Oh how it's like to be in love for the first time in your life. Surprisingly it's a adoptation from a 18th/19th century German novel (or something like that). I'm not surprised since there seems to be soo much suppression in the culture. It's interesting because if you think about it, lots of theater is about that era in the history: "sound of music" "Cabaret", "Spring Awakening"....
some highlights:
Mama who Bore me
I believe:
The Word of your Body:
Left Behind (yes, i think Kyle Riabko is awesome with this song)
review for Spring Awakening--
See THIS!
I've been wanting to blog about this for some time now, but ever since i spent that only free weekend (with no exam whatsoever) hanging out and doing nothing i haven't had a chance.
Spring Awakening is this new genre of musical theater, written by Duncan Shiek (remember Barely Breathing..ohhhh my knees go soft). the songs throughout are awesome, and very catchy, and the story line brought me to tears. It was about teenage angst and sexuality, and i think it's great for all ages. Mind you, some mind be offended by the crass language "Bitch of living", "Fucked" ....and lots and lots of sexual innuendos. but I think it's not appropriate. It's definitely different, i give you that. As a person who LOVES classical everything especially in the world of musical this has gotta be one of my newest obsession. I still like all the Andrew Lloyd Webber's stuff and Sound of Music and whatnot, but this is a breath of fresh air. My favorite numbers, being "Mama who Bore me" "I believe". The cast is energetic and fun, and when the story turns sorrowful i cried a few tears as well. Oh how it's like to be in love for the first time in your life. Surprisingly it's a adoptation from a 18th/19th century German novel (or something like that). I'm not surprised since there seems to be soo much suppression in the culture. It's interesting because if you think about it, lots of theater is about that era in the history: "sound of music" "Cabaret", "Spring Awakening"....
some highlights:
Mama who Bore me
I believe:
The Word of your Body:
Left Behind (yes, i think Kyle Riabko is awesome with this song)
2008年11月22日 星期六
Robert Pattinson
Yes i'm too old to be having a celebrity crush...i know. but i will need to stare at SOMEONE's face until i get over the doctor, right? (that's my excuse and i'm sticking with it right now.....)
British boys are exponentially cooler...in a very, self-deprecating way.
A collection of quotes ....
If a person isn't comfortable being single at some point in life than they don't truly know their possibilities in life.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-- Robert Frost
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." - Helen Keller
You must make choices, and sometimes, mistakes. To come close to your path, choose with your heart or your desires.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-- Robert Frost
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." - Helen Keller
You must make choices, and sometimes, mistakes. To come close to your path, choose with your heart or your desires.
2008年11月21日 星期五
how not to feel like a loser....
I wouldn't know the answer to that. because there are days when i feel completely ok and happy about my relationship status and there are days when i dont. and two things make me feel like a loser today..
I'm contemplating about returning this dress to Express. It's a lovely dress i got about 2 weeks ago, and have yet decided whether I should return it or not. It's made of this beautiful, beautiful lacey material, not the cheap kind. So soft to the touch and is just a all around cute tube dress. When i tried it on i fell in love with it. I like how i look when i'm wearing it. and i can see how it's going to be appropriate for so many cocktail parties. It was just the thing i was looking for, a beautiful, lacey, tiered black dress. and the discounted price was such a deal.
But when it was actually bought and paid for, reality kicked in. When am i REALLY going to wear it? I dont have a date! i haven't been on any date for like, the past EIGHT years. most part of my adult life i've spent being a single person. i dont even remember what it feels like to be on dates anymore. and it's SUCH a date dress. not too revealing, just lovely. The last time i went out with someone, i was so young that no one was really dressing up at that age. we just wore our jeans, no make up, to the nearest burger joint. Neither I nor my ex could afford a nice dinner other than Johnny Rockets. and we SHARED a burger. so in theory, i don't actually know what people do on dates. do you wear that little black dress and wait to be picked up? do you twist your hair and giggle when your date speaks? do you give him a peck on the cheek at the end of the day? how do you make sure that there's a "next" date? i have no idea.
I'm so out of touch with the reality for so long. I envy my girlfriends when they talk about their adventures with guys. I never have that freedom. there are restaurants that are termed as DATE restaurants that i've never been, and there are things like carriage rides on a cold day or a stroll on the beach at night that i never get to do with a date. i feel so deprived.
so that dress has been sitting in its original bag, in its original condition, with tag still attached, because i'm thinking about returning it. I can always use that extra money to get other things i want. Although it really is a good deal for the quality and the cut of the dress. but when am i ever going to wear it? I can't just buy something so i can have it 'on reserve' for dates that may not happen in the next 5 years. by then this beautiful dress will have lost its luster and sit lonely in my closet for years.
the second thing i'm going to get at, is that my only recent crush (from a year ago) has now become something of a past now. because i choose to let it be. It's sad enough to be a 25 year old who still has random crushes on people. and for a crush to last that long, it's REALLY sad. And I'm saying this because I have no real illness i need to get back to the clinic asap, and i'm sane enough to know not to stalk people. I know better to not take it too seriously because like i stated a year ago, it's not professional to fall for someone such as your doc, and it's probably just psychology playing with your head that you think there is something there when there really isn't.
As it turns out, the resident who i saw last year for my abscess on the leg has become a full time doc at student health (he's transferred). so about 3/4 my class has seen him, and girls are going WILD about this doctor who is super nice, good-looking, and down to earth. i'm just hearing praises from left and right about this doctor, and hie personal information because apparently people have been having little chats with him (another thing i'm bad at, around people i like). so i've actually known a lot more about him now than i did before (he's from SD, he went to UCSD...). and the girls were just getting super shy about getting a pap smear from him because he's too cute.
Well, i dont like competitions, and i dont like liking the same person as the rest of the world. it always makes me feel like i am this little grain of sand trying to stand out (dont worry i think i'm perfectly fine), i just always picture my relationship as this one man one woman kind of deal. sort of like Darcy and Elizabeth. there should be no one else. and not like the dating show The Bachelor, where i have to technically show a nipple to get someone's attention.
and because i'm so passive in love, i should return the little black dress which i love so dearly. because i think someone should wear it, and someone should. It's going to be a lot happier being flaunted by its wearer in sexy, romantic restaurants, being complimented on its texture, than sitting in my closet.
I'm contemplating about returning this dress to Express. It's a lovely dress i got about 2 weeks ago, and have yet decided whether I should return it or not. It's made of this beautiful, beautiful lacey material, not the cheap kind. So soft to the touch and is just a all around cute tube dress. When i tried it on i fell in love with it. I like how i look when i'm wearing it. and i can see how it's going to be appropriate for so many cocktail parties. It was just the thing i was looking for, a beautiful, lacey, tiered black dress. and the discounted price was such a deal.
But when it was actually bought and paid for, reality kicked in. When am i REALLY going to wear it? I dont have a date! i haven't been on any date for like, the past EIGHT years. most part of my adult life i've spent being a single person. i dont even remember what it feels like to be on dates anymore. and it's SUCH a date dress. not too revealing, just lovely. The last time i went out with someone, i was so young that no one was really dressing up at that age. we just wore our jeans, no make up, to the nearest burger joint. Neither I nor my ex could afford a nice dinner other than Johnny Rockets. and we SHARED a burger. so in theory, i don't actually know what people do on dates. do you wear that little black dress and wait to be picked up? do you twist your hair and giggle when your date speaks? do you give him a peck on the cheek at the end of the day? how do you make sure that there's a "next" date? i have no idea.
I'm so out of touch with the reality for so long. I envy my girlfriends when they talk about their adventures with guys. I never have that freedom. there are restaurants that are termed as DATE restaurants that i've never been, and there are things like carriage rides on a cold day or a stroll on the beach at night that i never get to do with a date. i feel so deprived.
so that dress has been sitting in its original bag, in its original condition, with tag still attached, because i'm thinking about returning it. I can always use that extra money to get other things i want. Although it really is a good deal for the quality and the cut of the dress. but when am i ever going to wear it? I can't just buy something so i can have it 'on reserve' for dates that may not happen in the next 5 years. by then this beautiful dress will have lost its luster and sit lonely in my closet for years.
the second thing i'm going to get at, is that my only recent crush (from a year ago) has now become something of a past now. because i choose to let it be. It's sad enough to be a 25 year old who still has random crushes on people. and for a crush to last that long, it's REALLY sad. And I'm saying this because I have no real illness i need to get back to the clinic asap, and i'm sane enough to know not to stalk people. I know better to not take it too seriously because like i stated a year ago, it's not professional to fall for someone such as your doc, and it's probably just psychology playing with your head that you think there is something there when there really isn't.
As it turns out, the resident who i saw last year for my abscess on the leg has become a full time doc at student health (he's transferred). so about 3/4 my class has seen him, and girls are going WILD about this doctor who is super nice, good-looking, and down to earth. i'm just hearing praises from left and right about this doctor, and hie personal information because apparently people have been having little chats with him (another thing i'm bad at, around people i like). so i've actually known a lot more about him now than i did before (he's from SD, he went to UCSD...). and the girls were just getting super shy about getting a pap smear from him because he's too cute.
Well, i dont like competitions, and i dont like liking the same person as the rest of the world. it always makes me feel like i am this little grain of sand trying to stand out (dont worry i think i'm perfectly fine), i just always picture my relationship as this one man one woman kind of deal. sort of like Darcy and Elizabeth. there should be no one else. and not like the dating show The Bachelor, where i have to technically show a nipple to get someone's attention.
and because i'm so passive in love, i should return the little black dress which i love so dearly. because i think someone should wear it, and someone should. It's going to be a lot happier being flaunted by its wearer in sexy, romantic restaurants, being complimented on its texture, than sitting in my closet.
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