去年和今年加起來的喜訊已經夠多了
婚禮啦 懷孕啦 訂婚啦
我本人對喜事是沒有甚麼意見的
但高興歸高興 總是不免想到自己
一個人出席的婚禮總是帶著一絲絲的尷尬
接捧花啦 坐在不認識的人旁邊 聊著自己為什麼單身
尤其是第一支舞完後的那所有couple跳的舞
自己站在舞池邊彷彿在跟全世界宣告自己小小的挫敗
聽著新人們精心挑選的情歌
當初我也曾想過 我也要放這條曲子
結果等ㄚ等的...
在確定出席一場超級豪華婚禮後
又接到另一個住在灣區的大學室友的save the date
結果....
今天另一位室友告知我她也懷孕了的消息
還說因為她自己的媽媽三十歲才生她
希望早一點在三十歲前當媽媽
以免跑不動了
.....
......
.......
可想而知我心中的反應
不是才26歲嗎
到底大家再急甚麼
為什麼我旁邊的人讓我覺得
自己雖然二十多歲 卻有著三十幾的心境
我其實一點也不羨慕
我當媽媽的本能還沒啟發
也不是很能想像懷孕的感覺
當新娘子雖然不賴
但是對的人 對的時間 才會想定下來
朋友們愛碎碎念自己的老公男朋友或未婚夫的不是
那為什麼又要在一起呢
我大部分的時間
可以做自己想要做的是
可以試自己想要試的餐廳
可以和朋友去自己想要去的地方玩
但這一切的一切
在還沒找到認真的另一半前
在以結婚自豪的人眼中 還是爸媽的眼中
叫做麻醉自己的行為
....
.....
每天我的想法都改變一點點
還有三年三十歲
還可以再衝三年嗎
到時候後悔會不會來不及
但我還想好好享受我的人生阿
我還想冒險
還想學新東西
還想多多利用我的青春
還想要無憂無慮在多一下下
近期聽到的忠告:
多多把握身邊的機會吧!
看來 選擇的權利
戀愛的權利
越來越少了
2010年4月25日 星期日
After thoughts about the fellowship
Things have been well. I guess since i found out about the fellowship offer things have been going in a generally positive direction. Other than the craziness I must deal with in terms of making the cross country move, I have felt a big weight being lifted off my shoulder.
Last weekend I had awesome dinner at a school banquet. It was held at a Mediterranean restaurant called Cafe Santorini. We took over one of the banquet halls and each got our sash. What a enjoyable moment! I especially love (out of vanity) when the "where are they going" slide came up, the moment where they announced how I will be a future fellow at Bristol Myers Squibb. I had only told a few close friends, so many people were surprised when they heard the announcement. Like I said before, I never even thought this could happen, and I am VERY GLAD that at the end of all this, I was able to land SOMETHING. and that something happens to be something I wanted very much which was at the top of my list. I may not have written about this before in my blog but I later found out where the other people are going. And I must say that I personally feel that I got the best end of the deal. I didn't want any two-year committment, especially in areas like regulatory affairs or medical information, which can be very dry when it only deals with one little aspect of pharmaceutical industry. So the fact that I am in the arena of Diabetes/Cardiovascular is already exciting enough, AND i get to oversee the newest clinical studies and make strategies. I hope this doesn't come out in a self-fulfilling tone, but I have always been disgusted with some people in our class who choose to market themselves by being exclusive, being cliquey, being brown-nosers...and I wanted to do none of that. I had forced myself to be involved with this organization on campus where like-minded people get together about wanting to pursue a life in industry, and i was so sick of it after two years. I quit after one year of serving on the board. People in it made fun of people and gossiped about each other during Board Dinner. And they only consider you 'useful' when you have something they want. I have always considered myself a social person (on the outside) but I just couldtn' deal with them anymore I didn't even attend the end-of-the year banquet (which was a big NO-NO). I couldn't spend another minute sitting at a table feeling like I wish I could be somewhere else. Hence I am glad that through it all, i am able to land a position that will likely make them fall off the chair upon hearing it. I just want to prove a point, that you dont have compromise who you are in order to get to where you want to be.
All happy thoughts aside, This of course is a very early point of my career to say that I've accomplished it all. Right now I will be working primarily in the cardiovascular/diabetes market. Although a HUGE market, this is not really where my passion lies. I had wanted to do branch into oncology because that seems to be the hot topic right now, but after 2 rotations at a cancer hospital I can't say I am in love with it. A part of me is still very resistant and disliking the complete unpredictability of chemo drugs. Rather, after 4 weeks into my current rotation, I am finding my passion in psychiatry back. Lots of interesting patient cases and lots of miracles can be done with antipsychotics/mood stabilizers/antidepressants. I'm not a total believer that everyone needs to be on something, there's lots that can be done with cognitive behavioral therapy/counseling. but i HAVE seen it work wonders in the most bizarre cases, which is the reason why psychiatry is so interesting. I sincerely hope, that one day, wherever life leads me, I can pursue it further whether that means going back to the research of psychotropics and just give pharmacy a rest. :)
That's is for now. So the much-delayed announcement on my blog is that, I am joining Bristol-Myers Squibb as a 1-year fellow in CV/Metabolic's Scientific Communication and Medical Strategy department. :) Yeah it's a mouthful....
And I will miss home a lot.
Last weekend I had awesome dinner at a school banquet. It was held at a Mediterranean restaurant called Cafe Santorini. We took over one of the banquet halls and each got our sash. What a enjoyable moment! I especially love (out of vanity) when the "where are they going" slide came up, the moment where they announced how I will be a future fellow at Bristol Myers Squibb. I had only told a few close friends, so many people were surprised when they heard the announcement. Like I said before, I never even thought this could happen, and I am VERY GLAD that at the end of all this, I was able to land SOMETHING. and that something happens to be something I wanted very much which was at the top of my list. I may not have written about this before in my blog but I later found out where the other people are going. And I must say that I personally feel that I got the best end of the deal. I didn't want any two-year committment, especially in areas like regulatory affairs or medical information, which can be very dry when it only deals with one little aspect of pharmaceutical industry. So the fact that I am in the arena of Diabetes/Cardiovascular is already exciting enough, AND i get to oversee the newest clinical studies and make strategies. I hope this doesn't come out in a self-fulfilling tone, but I have always been disgusted with some people in our class who choose to market themselves by being exclusive, being cliquey, being brown-nosers...and I wanted to do none of that. I had forced myself to be involved with this organization on campus where like-minded people get together about wanting to pursue a life in industry, and i was so sick of it after two years. I quit after one year of serving on the board. People in it made fun of people and gossiped about each other during Board Dinner. And they only consider you 'useful' when you have something they want. I have always considered myself a social person (on the outside) but I just couldtn' deal with them anymore I didn't even attend the end-of-the year banquet (which was a big NO-NO). I couldn't spend another minute sitting at a table feeling like I wish I could be somewhere else. Hence I am glad that through it all, i am able to land a position that will likely make them fall off the chair upon hearing it. I just want to prove a point, that you dont have compromise who you are in order to get to where you want to be.
All happy thoughts aside, This of course is a very early point of my career to say that I've accomplished it all. Right now I will be working primarily in the cardiovascular/diabetes market. Although a HUGE market, this is not really where my passion lies. I had wanted to do branch into oncology because that seems to be the hot topic right now, but after 2 rotations at a cancer hospital I can't say I am in love with it. A part of me is still very resistant and disliking the complete unpredictability of chemo drugs. Rather, after 4 weeks into my current rotation, I am finding my passion in psychiatry back. Lots of interesting patient cases and lots of miracles can be done with antipsychotics/mood stabilizers/antidepressants. I'm not a total believer that everyone needs to be on something, there's lots that can be done with cognitive behavioral therapy/counseling. but i HAVE seen it work wonders in the most bizarre cases, which is the reason why psychiatry is so interesting. I sincerely hope, that one day, wherever life leads me, I can pursue it further whether that means going back to the research of psychotropics and just give pharmacy a rest. :)
That's is for now. So the much-delayed announcement on my blog is that, I am joining Bristol-Myers Squibb as a 1-year fellow in CV/Metabolic's Scientific Communication and Medical Strategy department. :) Yeah it's a mouthful....
And I will miss home a lot.
2010年4月14日 星期三
results from a facebook quiz
你的情人像睡美人(睡美男)一般沉沉睡去，只有你深情的一吻，才能喚醒他，那麼你會親吻他哪裡呢？
你們之間的感情，維繫在「愛情本身」
不是經濟，不是依賴，不是習慣，不是未來，就是單純的愛情：你愛她，她也愛你
;)
你們之間的感情，維繫在「愛情本身」
不是經濟，不是依賴，不是習慣，不是未來，就是單純的愛情：你愛她，她也愛你
;)
2010年4月8日 星期四
a HUGE change
since it is already 1020pm here, and i really need some sleep because i had a long and yet unproductive day at the rotation, i will keep this one short. HOWEVER, i will be announcing the big news, very soon. ;) ( No i'm not getting married to some old folk like the psychic predicted 6 months ago, it's better than that). and telling the story will definitely make a lot of jaws drop. the only hint is: It's about work.
the change happened all so soon even 'I" cannot believe it. i mean. i must have done some pretty good things lately. It is so bizarre that things can drastically change within 48 hours. I was definitely depressed about my situation, and i can't say that I have been optimistic about what happens next year. but now....
The other thing I have to mention before I make the big announcement tomorrow is that, because I had been so hopeless about the immediate future, i actually started considering my plan B, which is to just move back to taiwan (and i meant it). For some reason the one month i spent in taiwan actually made me realize how much i miss it, and how much my oldest friends mean to me. There will be lots of friends who come and go in your life, but i feel that my childhood friends love me no matter what. and it's been 12 years since i left. I went through old pictures of myself being the SUPER ugly duckling back then, and the funny thing is, the friends who appeared with me in the pictures are the same friends who i still see today. they knew i was depressed about the job situation, they want/hope that one day i will be back for good, and yet they supported the decision i make and wish me the best of luck. they take me out to places and drive me around and show me the best eateries in town, without asking for anything in return. I dont know where I would be if it weren't these close friends and my family and my friends here in the US. I would be a miserable emotional f**k for sure.
Another reason is that, although it would be hard to say goodbye to my friends in the US, i have also come to a point where i have to make decisions. I am VERY close to a few people here, but there are also lots of people who come and go, especially teh friends you make when you grow up. due to relocation/graduation/job layoff, you can only remain close for so long (thanks facebook). So on some level i feel that if i were to ever move back to the US after returning to taiwan, i can always have a new start regardless of my temporary leave for taiwan.
But i suppose the above analysis although still holds true, will no longer apply in the immediate year that is to come. I still intend to return to taiwan at some point, to be close to my parents, to be living the convenient lifestyle, to meet someone and hopefully get married one day. But that will have to wait. At least for another year. ;)
to be continued....
And this is why, i feel extremely fortunate, for reasons i will explain tomorrow.
the change happened all so soon even 'I" cannot believe it. i mean. i must have done some pretty good things lately. It is so bizarre that things can drastically change within 48 hours. I was definitely depressed about my situation, and i can't say that I have been optimistic about what happens next year. but now....
The other thing I have to mention before I make the big announcement tomorrow is that, because I had been so hopeless about the immediate future, i actually started considering my plan B, which is to just move back to taiwan (and i meant it). For some reason the one month i spent in taiwan actually made me realize how much i miss it, and how much my oldest friends mean to me. There will be lots of friends who come and go in your life, but i feel that my childhood friends love me no matter what. and it's been 12 years since i left. I went through old pictures of myself being the SUPER ugly duckling back then, and the funny thing is, the friends who appeared with me in the pictures are the same friends who i still see today. they knew i was depressed about the job situation, they want/hope that one day i will be back for good, and yet they supported the decision i make and wish me the best of luck. they take me out to places and drive me around and show me the best eateries in town, without asking for anything in return. I dont know where I would be if it weren't these close friends and my family and my friends here in the US. I would be a miserable emotional f**k for sure.
Another reason is that, although it would be hard to say goodbye to my friends in the US, i have also come to a point where i have to make decisions. I am VERY close to a few people here, but there are also lots of people who come and go, especially teh friends you make when you grow up. due to relocation/graduation/job layoff, you can only remain close for so long (thanks facebook). So on some level i feel that if i were to ever move back to the US after returning to taiwan, i can always have a new start regardless of my temporary leave for taiwan.
But i suppose the above analysis although still holds true, will no longer apply in the immediate year that is to come. I still intend to return to taiwan at some point, to be close to my parents, to be living the convenient lifestyle, to meet someone and hopefully get married one day. But that will have to wait. At least for another year. ;)
to be continued....
And this is why, i feel extremely fortunate, for reasons i will explain tomorrow.
2010年4月4日 星期日
終於又有機會寫部落格了
中文版的我得慢慢打 大家就看好玩吧;)...
過去的這個禮拜時再是過得不太好
發現我最後一絲絲希望的那個實習機會沒有中
加上又開始在精神科的住院部實習
壓力大的要命
漸漸的 又開始沒辦法打給父母報平安
因為心理不平安
我每次都這樣
不過雖然如此
我對於感情這方面
卻漸漸的能釋懷了
禮拜五在對病人的教育講堂中
我的教授說了 這一段話:
有時候 並不是藥物讓你覺得低潮
你只是忘了正常是甚麼
沒有人知道正常應該是怎樣
但是你若是太久處在亢奮的狀態
就會忘了怎麼樣是正常的情緒
你不能夠期望每件事情 都像初戀一般大起大落
生命本身就是一件無聊的事情
長大本來就很無聊
你只是需要用自己的方法去學習面對
我聽到的時候 愣了一下
彷彿是對我說的話
我一直沒有辦法接受很多生命的不公平
常常被難過的情緒所左右
我很害怕
害怕老 害怕死 害怕一個人就這樣永遠的單身下去
害怕我所擁有的一切 和我所期望的生活 永遠得不到
世界上沒有甚麼是比絕望更恐怖的事了
我期望愛
但是卻一直望著自己得不到的愛
而不是身邊已經得到的愛
親人的愛
在美國的朋友的愛
在台灣的朋友的愛
我有這麼多關心我的人
何其幸運
為什麼我一直還這麼害怕
怕做出錯的決定
我想是怕失去吧
我不想花我人生中
最珍貴的時間
擔心和難過
我想要放下一切
重新開始
我想要快樂
這是我需要重新學習的課題
過去的這個禮拜時再是過得不太好
發現我最後一絲絲希望的那個實習機會沒有中
加上又開始在精神科的住院部實習
壓力大的要命
漸漸的 又開始沒辦法打給父母報平安
因為心理不平安
我每次都這樣
不過雖然如此
我對於感情這方面
卻漸漸的能釋懷了
禮拜五在對病人的教育講堂中
我的教授說了 這一段話:
有時候 並不是藥物讓你覺得低潮
你只是忘了正常是甚麼
沒有人知道正常應該是怎樣
但是你若是太久處在亢奮的狀態
就會忘了怎麼樣是正常的情緒
你不能夠期望每件事情 都像初戀一般大起大落
生命本身就是一件無聊的事情
長大本來就很無聊
你只是需要用自己的方法去學習面對
我聽到的時候 愣了一下
彷彿是對我說的話
我一直沒有辦法接受很多生命的不公平
常常被難過的情緒所左右
我很害怕
害怕老 害怕死 害怕一個人就這樣永遠的單身下去
害怕我所擁有的一切 和我所期望的生活 永遠得不到
世界上沒有甚麼是比絕望更恐怖的事了
我期望愛
但是卻一直望著自己得不到的愛
而不是身邊已經得到的愛
親人的愛
在美國的朋友的愛
在台灣的朋友的愛
我有這麼多關心我的人
何其幸運
為什麼我一直還這麼害怕
怕做出錯的決定
我想是怕失去吧
我不想花我人生中
最珍貴的時間
擔心和難過
我想要放下一切
重新開始
我想要快樂
這是我需要重新學習的課題
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