A cathartic experience

After coming home for so long...i'm starting to be able to really look at the HI experience objectively and dissect it completely. And I must say that I am about 70% recovered. I am starting to listen to the music i liked before i left and enjoy my ME time more and enjoy the presence of my friends. Today I was finally able to write the evalutation for the organization I am in so people in the future will learn the in's and out's of this rotation. I was finally able to breakdown my likes and dislikes of the rotation and what i liked about each component of it. I was able to give constructive suggestions on how to improve your experience at this site and what you can expect. I am hoping that, through my expereince the next student will be able to avoid the pitfalls and really get the most out of it. I did learn a lot, in many ways. About myself and about others. I've learned that I am tougher than i think. I was stressed everyday from having to deal with the hostility from some of the doctors but i didn't sink. i was able to give it my all and walked away with the guidelines in my head and the clinical pearls. i was able to retain the good habit of always showing up super early and reading up on anything questions that come up during discussion. I was able to manage up to 18 pts at a time even when it was only the 2nd week of my rotation. i was able to speak up during rounds and make intervention even though i got shot down sometimes by the attending physicians. i was able to sit through all that male-oriented discussion about everything i hate and not kill everyone in the room (haha). I have become more assertive, in answering questions and thinking critically and finding out answers and in dealing with other members of the healthcare team.

and i've become more driven. I have come to realize how little i really know. So maybe this is the upside of my PTSD experience. during my free time i read different literature because i know one day this will all be useful. I am a lot more serious now about doing a residency/fellowship. be a cheaper labor for a couple years before i can reach that dream job. i mean..it's probably going to suck, and i will really regret it when i work 14 days straight and pull 10 hr days. but hopefully there's light at the end of the tunnel. hopefully...

(if not, i'll really have to come up with a Plan B...)