Yes, the last of the series of weddings of this year. a lot of weddings have happened lately, mostly on facebook and you see classmates come back with a bling on their fingers and a hyphenated name. but this one belongs to my my closest roommate from college who i loved a lot. who i also talked about during my post about her choosing her church people as 90% of her guests at the wedding as well as her maid of honor and bridesmaids.
So i left work early on friday to be at her wedding rehearsal and dinner. and we all spent the night at her bridal suite. the whole time it felt somewhat surreal to me. When my other roommate Linda got married a month ago yes i felt bad during the wedding, but not horrible. This time, i felt like things are going to change from this point on. for multiple reasons, but i also know that it somewhat signifies something bigger than the wedding itself.
To make long story short, yes, i was annoyed at the fact that 90% of the party was made up by her church group. i was not too thrilled about having to stand in the extreme cold while they recited chapters from the bible, sang songs praising the Lord, and preached about Christianity to believers and non-believers. and the fact they said something about her life as a 'sinner' before she joined the church and met her husband. the fact that they talked about the duty as wife. the fact that they only met for such a short time and the the priest was making it sound like the greatest love ever and that their union is approved by the Lord. and the fact that we went to a PHO place for wedding rehearsal. the fact that her fiance was only nicer to people from her church and made rude comments about my other roommate because she wouldn't dance hip-hop during our practice for their reception entrance.
but all those feelings I could overlook. My friend looked beautiful in her dress, and when we helped her put it on in the morning I acutally got a bit teary because it was like giving a friend away. Then when I saw her with her dad again I got really sad, thinking about how my dad so wants to see us down the aisle and gives us away, but it most likely won't happen in the near future. Her dad is normally a stern man, and i know that he hasn't really approved of her fiance. and her fiance, being the way he is, probably couldn't care less to impress him (being someone outside of the church who can also potentially hinder my friend's walk to God).
Finally, during the reception, I cried when I saw her dance with her dad, i also got teary when I danced with her and her husband (separately). I knew exactly why i was upset (although I hid it really well throughout). during the maid of the honor speech and the best man speech i knew the truth. I jsut didn't tell it. I said "congratulations" only on every thing i bought them or wrote for them because i didnt' have anything more to say.
The truth is, these people only loved her after she's joined her church. If she didn't make that choice, or decided to leave the church, there would be no 'brotherhood' or 'sisterhood' left. I knew my freind since almost 8 years ago, and i loved her as a friend with or without her religion. i was there when she fell, when she was struggling with her career and school, when she broke up with her ex, when she moved to SD, when she got a new job, when she joined a church. I was the one who care about her the most. and yet i know once she's married into this community, our lives wouldn't be the same anymore. That's why i cried.
Of course, the fact that I was flying into Vegas for a million job interviews didn't help either. everyone's settled, and yet my career has barely started. I am fighting for a spot among the men, i have no prospect for marriage or children. and i think that made me very sad as well during the reception. I wanted all those love songs for my reception.
last wedding of 2009. i'm glad i survived.
2009年12月10日 星期四
What a weekend (1) - Let the Ass-kissing fest begin!
Ok, finally I have endured and survived the long-awaited wedding-filled and interview-filled weekend, and there's more things i want to update than i have time for. In fact, I really should be sleeping right now. After about 5 days of non-stop craziness. Some of the worst-case scenarios revolving airline travel has happened to me (not just one but TWO). But I will get to that later. this is why i'm numbering my post today. I had wanted to do this in chronological order, but I suppose in the end I decided to do them in the order of importance. So since I have been talking about fellowships and interviews incessantly for the past like, 6 months. I'm going to get into that first.
Like I mentioned before, I had arranged for around 10 interviews to be completed prior to my arrival to the conference. I already knew that THAT was going to be crazy. but when i actually got there, I signed up for the most famous program - Rutge*'s - which is associated with a multitude of some of the most famous drug companies in the world. and it was then my weekend got REAL interesting. So typically u do only one (at most two) interview during the 3 day period while you are at the conference. Most of them only see you once and go from there. If they like you enough, they might fly you out to an on-site interview. and if the programs are a little more snobby, they require a second interview at the conference. it may be booked within the same day, or a day later, but the earlier the better. But not with Rutger's. 99% of the companies associated with this program want to see you THREE friggin times before they will put on their glasses and decide who among these candidates who made it to the third round they would like to see again at their company in a couple weeks. not two, THREE interviews. So basically, they assume that your schedule is wide open. you have nothing to do in vegas but prop your feet up in your hotel room waiting for their call back. if you can't make it, too bad. and you go from interviewing with the current fellow, to last year's fellow and HR, to the top managers in the department. So with each round there is more at stake and therefore my sweat inducing. and some of the fellows of course acted like they were some big shots (because they beat out the other 250 candidates last year and made it, apparently). And the managers just stare at you, trying to induce anxienty (althoug that rarely works on me, if i dont get it, whatever, i dont need to work with a prick in the as*). So luckily, with my little background in the industry and ability to BS my way through most of it, i made it through all three rounds with all of the positions I applied for. (i'm only talking about Rutger's here.) Then you get this EXCLUSIVE invitation to their reception. i did not realize the importance of these recpetions until i was told by the fellows and the other applicants that this is THE event i need to be at. it's the time for you to network and to really show your interest in this program. so i had to move the time of my flight, and let the ass kissing game begin.
I knew what i was going to see. and that aspect of it actually induced more anxiety in me than the actual pain-staking interviews themselves. It all comes down to who's the biggest brown noser. of course we like to think that ' let your personality shine.' Well, my personality is, I am the way I am. I am sociable and I am likeable and I want this job and I will let you know that. but i'm not going to act like my life is going to be over or you're the most awesome person I've met because you have something I want.
So to get back to the story, I postponed my flight to 2 hours later so I could attend the reception. The room was packed with applicants (of course makes you wonder how EXCLUSIVE this thing really is). Then as soon as everybody entered the room, the ass-kissing fest was so thick I could cut it with a knife. I of course found some of the people I had interviewed with, and greeted them and basically let them know that I wouldn't be able to make it to tomorrow's OTHER reception because I can't afford to spend another night in vegas. then I also was circulating to see if i can keep up my temporary sociability. Then i joined a few conversations. some guy was being so disgusting, gushing about how much he LOVED the position (to the current fellow who was talking to us both), and that he was the class president and recounting his accomplishments and reinstating how much he'd love to be considered (while i was going for the same job as well). i literally wanted to roll my eyes so badly. I'm sure that guy will go far with his disgusting flattery, but that's not how i roll.
for one, i'm not intimidated by these powersuits and the male-dominated industry route. and frankly I was quite sick with the whole process and exclusivity they purposely created with this program. Yes, i do want to work in the industry. and i do find it interesting what they do. but i dont love it enough that i'm willing to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. the whole deal with having THREE interviews to just be considered for a position you have to fly out for and still rejects you in the end is not that worth it. looking at the sea of applicants, my chances are like one in a million. industry has only become popular these past couple years, so how were the other positions in teh company filled? well, these people just interviewed. not three times. they did it the normal way. it's only recently when industry become 'hot', that they are creating these little banquets that less than qualified people are not allowed in, and once you get in, you have to 'network' like crazy and follow the whole process with hand-written thank-you cards (i'm not kidding, everyone was writing them, even when i was stuffing myself with salads during lunch time over the three days). so how far will this go? pretty soon i'll have to start giving Thank-You foot-massages. I may even have to start unbutton my shirt to get ahead. does it have to be like this people? It's always because one person starts doing it, and everyone follows, that it makes you look bad if you dont sent a card right away or flatter them like crazy during the 'reception'.
Yes I would like to have the job, but at what cost? Working with such people who think they are superior than others? with people who will do anything to get ahead? with people with super type-A personality? TRaveling across the country away from friends and family? have no good variety of food around and in the middle of nowhere in New Jersey? I wanted it because I believed industry people are less crazy than most pharmacy students who are super intense and cut-throat. but it's pretty much the same everywhere now, when the economy is bad.
To cut long story short, not ALL programs are like this. some of the smaller companies I interviewed with were very nice and down-to-earth, and they made me feel pretty comfortable and not an inch tall during the interview. However these are programs that i want less.
In a way i was very glad that i made it this far. I basically sailed through 8/day x 3 days = 24 interviews during the past 3 days. and i lived. and i only did things that did not work against my moral. i dont need the jobs so bad i need to compromise the type of person i am. but honestly the process did leave a bad taste in my mouth. I knew a couple people who were also interviewing from my school, as well as some of the current fellows who were graduates from our school. But that did not give me any benefit since i dont really bond with these people anyway. in fact, i dont talk to half of them and we are not friends to the point that we dont say hi to each other. but i made it through all the interviews and performed to my best and had some VERY encouraging comments from the interviewers. and i did this w/o having to do all of the above things which i find so disgusting. i hate the word 'networking'. when you 'network', people you meet are your 'contacts' you want 'something' from. and if they are no longer of use to you, you act like they do not exist. but that is not how i roll. but i can tell this strategy has worked very well for some of our past alums (and my unwillingness to association with them will bite me in the ass one day i'm sure).
Anyway. I finished them all. all twenty-four excruciating interviews plus one reception (two unattended). i did it to my best ability, and i have no regrets.
Like I mentioned before, I had arranged for around 10 interviews to be completed prior to my arrival to the conference. I already knew that THAT was going to be crazy. but when i actually got there, I signed up for the most famous program - Rutge*'s - which is associated with a multitude of some of the most famous drug companies in the world. and it was then my weekend got REAL interesting. So typically u do only one (at most two) interview during the 3 day period while you are at the conference. Most of them only see you once and go from there. If they like you enough, they might fly you out to an on-site interview. and if the programs are a little more snobby, they require a second interview at the conference. it may be booked within the same day, or a day later, but the earlier the better. But not with Rutger's. 99% of the companies associated with this program want to see you THREE friggin times before they will put on their glasses and decide who among these candidates who made it to the third round they would like to see again at their company in a couple weeks. not two, THREE interviews. So basically, they assume that your schedule is wide open. you have nothing to do in vegas but prop your feet up in your hotel room waiting for their call back. if you can't make it, too bad. and you go from interviewing with the current fellow, to last year's fellow and HR, to the top managers in the department. So with each round there is more at stake and therefore my sweat inducing. and some of the fellows of course acted like they were some big shots (because they beat out the other 250 candidates last year and made it, apparently). And the managers just stare at you, trying to induce anxienty (althoug that rarely works on me, if i dont get it, whatever, i dont need to work with a prick in the as*). So luckily, with my little background in the industry and ability to BS my way through most of it, i made it through all three rounds with all of the positions I applied for. (i'm only talking about Rutger's here.) Then you get this EXCLUSIVE invitation to their reception. i did not realize the importance of these recpetions until i was told by the fellows and the other applicants that this is THE event i need to be at. it's the time for you to network and to really show your interest in this program. so i had to move the time of my flight, and let the ass kissing game begin.
I knew what i was going to see. and that aspect of it actually induced more anxiety in me than the actual pain-staking interviews themselves. It all comes down to who's the biggest brown noser. of course we like to think that ' let your personality shine.' Well, my personality is, I am the way I am. I am sociable and I am likeable and I want this job and I will let you know that. but i'm not going to act like my life is going to be over or you're the most awesome person I've met because you have something I want.
So to get back to the story, I postponed my flight to 2 hours later so I could attend the reception. The room was packed with applicants (of course makes you wonder how EXCLUSIVE this thing really is). Then as soon as everybody entered the room, the ass-kissing fest was so thick I could cut it with a knife. I of course found some of the people I had interviewed with, and greeted them and basically let them know that I wouldn't be able to make it to tomorrow's OTHER reception because I can't afford to spend another night in vegas. then I also was circulating to see if i can keep up my temporary sociability. Then i joined a few conversations. some guy was being so disgusting, gushing about how much he LOVED the position (to the current fellow who was talking to us both), and that he was the class president and recounting his accomplishments and reinstating how much he'd love to be considered (while i was going for the same job as well). i literally wanted to roll my eyes so badly. I'm sure that guy will go far with his disgusting flattery, but that's not how i roll.
for one, i'm not intimidated by these powersuits and the male-dominated industry route. and frankly I was quite sick with the whole process and exclusivity they purposely created with this program. Yes, i do want to work in the industry. and i do find it interesting what they do. but i dont love it enough that i'm willing to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. the whole deal with having THREE interviews to just be considered for a position you have to fly out for and still rejects you in the end is not that worth it. looking at the sea of applicants, my chances are like one in a million. industry has only become popular these past couple years, so how were the other positions in teh company filled? well, these people just interviewed. not three times. they did it the normal way. it's only recently when industry become 'hot', that they are creating these little banquets that less than qualified people are not allowed in, and once you get in, you have to 'network' like crazy and follow the whole process with hand-written thank-you cards (i'm not kidding, everyone was writing them, even when i was stuffing myself with salads during lunch time over the three days). so how far will this go? pretty soon i'll have to start giving Thank-You foot-massages. I may even have to start unbutton my shirt to get ahead. does it have to be like this people? It's always because one person starts doing it, and everyone follows, that it makes you look bad if you dont sent a card right away or flatter them like crazy during the 'reception'.
Yes I would like to have the job, but at what cost? Working with such people who think they are superior than others? with people who will do anything to get ahead? with people with super type-A personality? TRaveling across the country away from friends and family? have no good variety of food around and in the middle of nowhere in New Jersey? I wanted it because I believed industry people are less crazy than most pharmacy students who are super intense and cut-throat. but it's pretty much the same everywhere now, when the economy is bad.
To cut long story short, not ALL programs are like this. some of the smaller companies I interviewed with were very nice and down-to-earth, and they made me feel pretty comfortable and not an inch tall during the interview. However these are programs that i want less.
In a way i was very glad that i made it this far. I basically sailed through 8/day x 3 days = 24 interviews during the past 3 days. and i lived. and i only did things that did not work against my moral. i dont need the jobs so bad i need to compromise the type of person i am. but honestly the process did leave a bad taste in my mouth. I knew a couple people who were also interviewing from my school, as well as some of the current fellows who were graduates from our school. But that did not give me any benefit since i dont really bond with these people anyway. in fact, i dont talk to half of them and we are not friends to the point that we dont say hi to each other. but i made it through all the interviews and performed to my best and had some VERY encouraging comments from the interviewers. and i did this w/o having to do all of the above things which i find so disgusting. i hate the word 'networking'. when you 'network', people you meet are your 'contacts' you want 'something' from. and if they are no longer of use to you, you act like they do not exist. but that is not how i roll. but i can tell this strategy has worked very well for some of our past alums (and my unwillingness to association with them will bite me in the ass one day i'm sure).
Anyway. I finished them all. all twenty-four excruciating interviews plus one reception (two unattended). i did it to my best ability, and i have no regrets.
2009年11月24日 星期二
personality test
My Result:
The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)
Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?
Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They’re conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that’s okay, because you’re very choosy with your affections anyway. You’d absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.
Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You’re already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there’s no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.
You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.
The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)
Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?
Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They’re conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that’s okay, because you’re very choosy with your affections anyway. You’d absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.
Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You’re already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there’s no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.
You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.
2009年11月23日 星期一
Today
Today is one of those days when I feel like hospital might be my true calling. Over hte past three weeks, I change my mind literally every day. There are bad days when you feel that, as soon as an industry spot opens, i'm diving right into it. But there are good days, when I feel that even if i'm offered a fellowship position I will probably turn it down just so i can serve the general public for a few years before I pursue a more ambitious future for myself.
So what constitues a good day? A good day is when you feel like you made a difference because you cared. And I've never really felt this before with my previous pharmacy jobs. That's why as much as i hate the busy work with my current rotation, I still enjoy the experience a lot. I am learning a lot from my preceptor who really cares about his patients. And deep down I actually like helping people, i like to trouble shoot, and i enjoy educating them about information I learn from school. I am constantly amazed by how much personal information they disclose to me. I am almost flattered in a sense. And because I think they can feel that i really listened, they tell me more, which helps me further analyze the problem and their medication list/medical conditions.
So today I have a lady who is diagnosed with breast cancer. She was put on a anti-estrogen medication before and she was getting all sorts of horrible side effects from it, which is to be expected with a lot of chemo drugs. and then she started telling me more because I asked her what she's been on and what side effects she suffered from. and her new prescription is actually from the same class as the one she used before. So lawfully I have to warn her about the same side effects. And while she was telling me all this, she had tears well up in her eyes. And that made me feel really terrible because I do get affected by things such as this. not in a bad way like I wish i never have to deal with human emotions. But rather it makes me feel that I need to be there for these people. it reminded me of another incident last week. A gentleman was in the pharmacy, asking if I knew if it'd be okay to take his 2 meds together, both are used to treat his incontinence after prostectomy. He was describing to me his distress, and I could totally understand. Losing all capacity to hold back your urine. How can anyone afford this if they are middle-aged and still have a job. You'd be ridiculed forever. So i had to talk to him about Depend, preparing extra underwears...etc. Things such as these, when you hear their personal accounts, you feel a sense of responsibility to help. to improve their lives.
I suppose that is why I never feel self-concious about what I have physically. I can never understand why normal people complain about this and that which they have that are perfectly functional. When you see/hear all the human suffering everyday, you almost cannot put yourself in that position of having self-pity. When my preceptor talked to me about this elderly patient who developed penumonia then a heart attack and stroke and died from it, I immediately thought of my dad. I think about how much I am not around him and how he does have hypercholesteralemia, high blood pressure, and he is on blood-thinner. I almost feel that deteriorating health is an inevitable route for every old person to take. And because I see them, I see how when people get really old, and hospitalized in the hospital, they can aspirate (choke) on even liquid diet, and then the next thing you know, they pass over the weekend. And you are not responsible for following that patient anymore. you just throw their medication list away. or you dont see them anymore because they are moved to ICU, after which they most likely will pass away.
I guess what I am saying is. When you see these patients and are working with them, you deal with all ranges of human emotions. Before I even started pharmacy school i thought i would hate to have to deal with that. But now I almost feel obligated to face it. and by walking away to a nice comfy cubicle or office with a view, i am guaranteed to never have to see one of these people ever again. But somehow I've changed. This is why it's been hard for me to make decisions.
So today is the day i feel like I can be a clinical pharmacist.
So what constitues a good day? A good day is when you feel like you made a difference because you cared. And I've never really felt this before with my previous pharmacy jobs. That's why as much as i hate the busy work with my current rotation, I still enjoy the experience a lot. I am learning a lot from my preceptor who really cares about his patients. And deep down I actually like helping people, i like to trouble shoot, and i enjoy educating them about information I learn from school. I am constantly amazed by how much personal information they disclose to me. I am almost flattered in a sense. And because I think they can feel that i really listened, they tell me more, which helps me further analyze the problem and their medication list/medical conditions.
So today I have a lady who is diagnosed with breast cancer. She was put on a anti-estrogen medication before and she was getting all sorts of horrible side effects from it, which is to be expected with a lot of chemo drugs. and then she started telling me more because I asked her what she's been on and what side effects she suffered from. and her new prescription is actually from the same class as the one she used before. So lawfully I have to warn her about the same side effects. And while she was telling me all this, she had tears well up in her eyes. And that made me feel really terrible because I do get affected by things such as this. not in a bad way like I wish i never have to deal with human emotions. But rather it makes me feel that I need to be there for these people. it reminded me of another incident last week. A gentleman was in the pharmacy, asking if I knew if it'd be okay to take his 2 meds together, both are used to treat his incontinence after prostectomy. He was describing to me his distress, and I could totally understand. Losing all capacity to hold back your urine. How can anyone afford this if they are middle-aged and still have a job. You'd be ridiculed forever. So i had to talk to him about Depend, preparing extra underwears...etc. Things such as these, when you hear their personal accounts, you feel a sense of responsibility to help. to improve their lives.
I suppose that is why I never feel self-concious about what I have physically. I can never understand why normal people complain about this and that which they have that are perfectly functional. When you see/hear all the human suffering everyday, you almost cannot put yourself in that position of having self-pity. When my preceptor talked to me about this elderly patient who developed penumonia then a heart attack and stroke and died from it, I immediately thought of my dad. I think about how much I am not around him and how he does have hypercholesteralemia, high blood pressure, and he is on blood-thinner. I almost feel that deteriorating health is an inevitable route for every old person to take. And because I see them, I see how when people get really old, and hospitalized in the hospital, they can aspirate (choke) on even liquid diet, and then the next thing you know, they pass over the weekend. And you are not responsible for following that patient anymore. you just throw their medication list away. or you dont see them anymore because they are moved to ICU, after which they most likely will pass away.
I guess what I am saying is. When you see these patients and are working with them, you deal with all ranges of human emotions. Before I even started pharmacy school i thought i would hate to have to deal with that. But now I almost feel obligated to face it. and by walking away to a nice comfy cubicle or office with a view, i am guaranteed to never have to see one of these people ever again. But somehow I've changed. This is why it's been hard for me to make decisions.
So today is the day i feel like I can be a clinical pharmacist.
2009年11月18日 星期三
Game on!
Tomorrow is my first officia interview of the series of interview I will be on for the next 4 months. i'm gonna get a phone interview from the eastcoast so i gotta wake up early before work and do it. totally nerve-racking.
It's interesting, as i prepared myself for it, going over Baxter material and trying to remember everything i've done so far and why I wanted industry in the first place, a part of me secretly doesn't want to get this position. does that mean i'm leaning more toward hospital?
I think a part of me definitely want to do a year of residency, THEN go into industry. and i'm scheduling so many interviews with various drug companies to sort of work against my favor. I am not sure why I am doing this. maybe it is out of fear taht if i dont get my feet wet in industry now, i'll end up in the hospital and become a staff pharmacist, which is extremely boring, because then you dont 'rotate', you have your assigned satellite and on weekends and holidays you have to come in to do stuff like checking orders, and not so much the 'clinical' stuff, like making interventions.) The thing is, it is only useful and somewhat rewarding to be a clinical pharmacist if your opinion actually counts. but residency is also a job safety net. if i do one now, i can pretty much work anywhere in any hospital in the future. whereas if i go into industry, with an economy this bad, there is no job security, and i can't relocate anywhere I please. There is always THAT risk.
I know i know, i've been obsessing over it for the past 3 months now and you guys are probably sick of reading it. i guess what i'm trying to say is, life is scary, having to make a decision on your own is scary. moving far far away by yourself with no friends and family really sucks. being such a worry bug i am, i'll probably be upset either way.
It's interesting, as i prepared myself for it, going over Baxter material and trying to remember everything i've done so far and why I wanted industry in the first place, a part of me secretly doesn't want to get this position. does that mean i'm leaning more toward hospital?
I think a part of me definitely want to do a year of residency, THEN go into industry. and i'm scheduling so many interviews with various drug companies to sort of work against my favor. I am not sure why I am doing this. maybe it is out of fear taht if i dont get my feet wet in industry now, i'll end up in the hospital and become a staff pharmacist, which is extremely boring, because then you dont 'rotate', you have your assigned satellite and on weekends and holidays you have to come in to do stuff like checking orders, and not so much the 'clinical' stuff, like making interventions.) The thing is, it is only useful and somewhat rewarding to be a clinical pharmacist if your opinion actually counts. but residency is also a job safety net. if i do one now, i can pretty much work anywhere in any hospital in the future. whereas if i go into industry, with an economy this bad, there is no job security, and i can't relocate anywhere I please. There is always THAT risk.
I know i know, i've been obsessing over it for the past 3 months now and you guys are probably sick of reading it. i guess what i'm trying to say is, life is scary, having to make a decision on your own is scary. moving far far away by yourself with no friends and family really sucks. being such a worry bug i am, i'll probably be upset either way.
stress is a debilitating disease....
So i have been extremely stressed for the past couple...let's say 5 months. but it only got worse after my industry rotation. Because it's crunch time now. I am now applying for both fellowship (industry) and residency (hospital) positions and i will now need 6 different recommenders to write me a letter. As if this isn't stressful enough, I am also writing different letters of intents for each program as well as my OWN recommendation letters because some of my recommenders prefer that I come up with the rough draft they can work off of. The scary thing is, i'm actually a terrible writer. And I dont proofread particularly well. And almost all the programs have due dates around january 8th. So with the holidays coming and everybody's crazy schedule, that doesn't look too good to me. I will actually have to finish writing all the above mentioned items, and get them out in envelopes to my recommenders in time for them to write the final draft AND send them out before the due date. hence the stress.
It may be really foolish of me to try to apply to so many. and i have a phone interview on thursday morning and 8 personal interview scheduled on Dec 5 and 6th. But I was hearing how slim the chances are with fellowship programs, that you can interview with all of them, and still get nothing. Same goes with the really highly sought after residency programs. you can still end up with nothing after the match result comes out.
As i mentioned in previous posts, i like BOTH. so i dont want to have to choose. THEY can choose for me. if they want me, fine, more happy worries to worry about. And if they dont, one fewer option for me to consider, not exactly a bad thing. I think i can see myself in both situations. I can be in a hospital and do clinical work, or I can be working in a drug company and learn new things that dont require as much pharmacy knowledge. I can be happy doing either of them, or be miserable. There's of course always that chance that I will run into egoistical docs/pharmacists and feel like an inch tall in the hospital. Or I can feel that I am stuck with boring literature review at the drug company. but you can't have a win-win situation.
I am actually so stressed that i had to skip out a dinner thing with my fraternity. I really wanted to go, but with the pressure of having to come up with one letter of intent/rec letter every night i really can't afford to lose those 2 hours. did i mention i still have rotation on top of all this extra stuff i have to do for my future?
the scary thing is, about 50% of the programs will be away from home, and i mean far, far away not even in a city but more like a town. As i grow older i'm actually becoming more worried about leaving home. I am not scared in the sense that I wont make friends. I think more in teh sense that if i meet someone i like, it's a problem because i want to come home here (CA) or taiwan (possibly) eventually. and if i dont meet anyone, that is pretty darn sad as well. and moving out to a foreign place by yourself when it's not for school is pretty darn scary. i wont even have classmates to hang out with and my co workers are most likely married with kids. and i will be shopping out in the cold for groceries and spending thanksgiving by myself, with part of my family on the west coast, the other part of my family all the way on the other side of pacific ocean.
well, no point to think that far.
the good thing is, at least i dont think about/whine about my singleness as much as i used to. i dont even have time for sleep.
It may be really foolish of me to try to apply to so many. and i have a phone interview on thursday morning and 8 personal interview scheduled on Dec 5 and 6th. But I was hearing how slim the chances are with fellowship programs, that you can interview with all of them, and still get nothing. Same goes with the really highly sought after residency programs. you can still end up with nothing after the match result comes out.
As i mentioned in previous posts, i like BOTH. so i dont want to have to choose. THEY can choose for me. if they want me, fine, more happy worries to worry about. And if they dont, one fewer option for me to consider, not exactly a bad thing. I think i can see myself in both situations. I can be in a hospital and do clinical work, or I can be working in a drug company and learn new things that dont require as much pharmacy knowledge. I can be happy doing either of them, or be miserable. There's of course always that chance that I will run into egoistical docs/pharmacists and feel like an inch tall in the hospital. Or I can feel that I am stuck with boring literature review at the drug company. but you can't have a win-win situation.
I am actually so stressed that i had to skip out a dinner thing with my fraternity. I really wanted to go, but with the pressure of having to come up with one letter of intent/rec letter every night i really can't afford to lose those 2 hours. did i mention i still have rotation on top of all this extra stuff i have to do for my future?
the scary thing is, about 50% of the programs will be away from home, and i mean far, far away not even in a city but more like a town. As i grow older i'm actually becoming more worried about leaving home. I am not scared in the sense that I wont make friends. I think more in teh sense that if i meet someone i like, it's a problem because i want to come home here (CA) or taiwan (possibly) eventually. and if i dont meet anyone, that is pretty darn sad as well. and moving out to a foreign place by yourself when it's not for school is pretty darn scary. i wont even have classmates to hang out with and my co workers are most likely married with kids. and i will be shopping out in the cold for groceries and spending thanksgiving by myself, with part of my family on the west coast, the other part of my family all the way on the other side of pacific ocean.
well, no point to think that far.
the good thing is, at least i dont think about/whine about my singleness as much as i used to. i dont even have time for sleep.
2009年11月11日 星期三
this is why i'm a dork....
So, like i said...i just started my uninspiring rotation at Costco. Everything's just like before..busy busy busy. So my goal remains the same: getting through the day without passing out, and finishing all the menu items from their foodcourt.
The only highlight of my uneventful day? getting a message from my old doc. no, not on my phone. I was helping a customer who came straight from our school clnic and couldn't find his prescription here. So I called our pharmacy voicemail and realized that his doc called in and left a msg. And when i checked it for him, long and behold, it was the doc who i found really cute 2 years (?) ago. the same doc who treated my leg when i had that huge bug bite....if you need a reminder. Anyway, it was about time for me to get off my shift but for some reason it made me really happy to hear his voice, well, in a sad/pathetic way. I met him when he was only a resident at our school hospital, and now he's actually become full time physician at the student clinic. so i'm sure he gets crazy female students from Pharmacy, medicine, nursing, and physical therapy hit on him all the time. Like my sister said, " he probably has 3 women sharing his bed at any given moment." Well said.
Anyway. on top of that, from my friend's facebook pictures i found out that he was actually giving out H1N1 vaccines to students this past monday. I was on campus and i was totally aware of the H1N1 vaccine ordeal, but the line grew so long by the time i got there i just gave up. I heard the vaccines were running out. Lesson: Should have stook in line anyway. HE was there to give out shots.
Ok, i need to find some other people to have a crush on, not HIM, or doc who has a gf and still tries to flirt with me, or guy with french accent who tries to also hit on my friend, or married men.
The only highlight of my uneventful day? getting a message from my old doc. no, not on my phone. I was helping a customer who came straight from our school clnic and couldn't find his prescription here. So I called our pharmacy voicemail and realized that his doc called in and left a msg. And when i checked it for him, long and behold, it was the doc who i found really cute 2 years (?) ago. the same doc who treated my leg when i had that huge bug bite....if you need a reminder. Anyway, it was about time for me to get off my shift but for some reason it made me really happy to hear his voice, well, in a sad/pathetic way. I met him when he was only a resident at our school hospital, and now he's actually become full time physician at the student clinic. so i'm sure he gets crazy female students from Pharmacy, medicine, nursing, and physical therapy hit on him all the time. Like my sister said, " he probably has 3 women sharing his bed at any given moment." Well said.
Anyway. on top of that, from my friend's facebook pictures i found out that he was actually giving out H1N1 vaccines to students this past monday. I was on campus and i was totally aware of the H1N1 vaccine ordeal, but the line grew so long by the time i got there i just gave up. I heard the vaccines were running out. Lesson: Should have stook in line anyway. HE was there to give out shots.
Ok, i need to find some other people to have a crush on, not HIM, or doc who has a gf and still tries to flirt with me, or guy with french accent who tries to also hit on my friend, or married men.
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