Dear Zachary: A letter to a Son about his Father

I caught this on msnbc today, and i have to say, this has got to be one of the best documentaries i've seen. I'm usually not a fan of documentary type of films but this has touched me in many ways. i probably can't put my feelings to words as eloquently as the statement of the film maker himself. he's shown us many faces of love, i am brought to tears by the depth of love andrew's parents have for him. their whole life changed the minute andrew was murdered, and yet they fought on, like real fighters, against the canadian justice system, the canadian bail system, to try to extradite the crazy psycho bitch murderer ex-gf of andrew back to US to be tried. they loved andrew so much they dealed with her relentlessly for years, all for the sake of their grandchild. i admire the film directer/writer/producer who made of film for his friend just so he can tell the truth, the whole truth, to some oblivious people like myself who was previously unaware of the whole ordeal until today after work after dinner. but i'm not going to spoil it.

so yes, i highly recommend this film, if you haven't seen it already.


i sincerely hope that, one day, i can touch the lives of so many people like Dr. Andrew Bagby and his parents did.

Bite me!

@7:15 of this episode:

MONICA: Come on Rach, when a guy says he's going to call, it doesn't mean he's going to call. Hasn't it ever happened to you?

RACHEL: Well, they always called.

MONICA: Hmm, bite me.

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Yes, that's how i feel, most of the time.

I don't think i need to reiterate anymore than i already have how much intense pressure i'm under everytime i'm forced to make an appearance with my sis's. they are perfectly adquately aggreeable but when we do show up together in front of family friends/relatives/strangers everywhere I am forced to retract into my invisible suit completed with a helmet and soundproof glass.Yes i realize that they are unconventionally attractive, as i'm told millions of times in my face or not, and that their perfect skin/stature/style surpasses me 10 times.

which is why its only natural that we live different life experiences.

today and many times before, I would say something about how i can easily tell when a guy likes someone, because they make it pretty obvious. and i dont see how some girls can be oblivious to the fact because guys are pretty easy to read. then of course i was told that "because most guys talk to me, and often for a long time so i can't tell by normal people's standards, because that would mean that everyone likes me." and apparently no one ever ignores her in the hall way, so naturally it's not easy for her to tell whether someone likes her or not.

well, BITE ME THEN. i guess i shouldnt' generalize for most people since i definitely dont live in a world where people cannot bear to ignore me, they would follow me anywhere and i would get hit on by dentists, doctors, grocery store baggers, stereo shop sales people, jewelry designers, and barney's new york saleman. i'm sorry that i'm not called beautiful everyday of my life which makes it hard to distinguish whether people mean it or not (mostly not). I"m sorry that everytime i comment on someone in the store/on the street/ at a restaurant who seems cute and interesting that i'm told "that guy just tried to talk to me."

apparently the only thing god-given i have over my siblings is head above my shoulder which i'm not even sure if it's working anymore considering my struggle with school right now. and intelligence in today's world if anything is a flaw in women rather than a plus. it's almost impossible to find someone who's not slobbering after my friends or my sisters. even a frog would dream to be with a princess, and i happen to fall into the crack in earth that's neither beautiful or hideous, just plain.

Surviving, singleness, holidays.....

*this is in response to a recent incident happened to us*

so if you're single, apparently you can't be left alone.

when some guy who lives 2000 miles away suddenly becomes available you have to make time to go sit and have dinner with him. then your enthusiastic certain relative suddenly finds out that he's not planning to settle down at least for a couple years, and he's not interested in, tw girls.

and then this other 40 year old guy who ALSO lives 2000 miles away becomes available and you are again forced to make dinner plans with him to see if you're a good fit. yes, FLYING to go meet this mysterious someone who is approved by your other relatives enthusiastic to hook you up.

and people tell you left and right that once you cross the big 2-5- or 3-0- you're no longer desirable so if there's someone who wants to marry you better act FAST, even if you risk looking desperate or like that fat kid in gym class who no one picks to be on their team.

you ask: is it worth it? am i THAT hideous? is my life turning into that of the Bennet sisters in Pride and Prejudice, where in your relatives/parents eyes, ANY GUY is a potential and GOD FORBID if you refuse, you will die, lonely, and single, and hold a candle to yourself every christmas for years to come.

IS IT WORTH IT? Heck no! It hasn't happen to me yet and i surely hope it wont. but it's happened to someone who i won't name. but i'm sure pretty soon, that will be my story to tell. whatever happened to free love? whatever happened to fate? whatever happened to "meet cute"? apparently in our case right now it doesn't exist. For me it's FAR from existing. it's true i dont have a valid argument against the enthusiastic relatives/parents of mine that MY SYSTEM is working, because apparently, IT DOESNT. that would explain why i am hanging with mostly girls and sitting home on V-day. but i dont need anyone to remind me that fact that my singlness seems miserable. i know it's an eyesore because it's like skin cancer, i feel it too. but it's definitley not a disability. I constantly have to remind myself that i am only 25, and that my life is not over yet. but people and the world around you can make you feel so old and so hopeless. I definitely did not grow up thinking i'm going to eventually marry a 40 old in my 20s who i dont find physically attractive.

Can't i just have a little hope for true love still?

p.s. if we find your friend attractive (physically or mentally), we'll ask. but if you wouldn't want to date him in your earlier days, neither do we.


*sorry about the visible frustration in the post, i'm studying for finals, and things like these are never pleasant to deal with*