Yes, the last of the series of weddings of this year. a lot of weddings have happened lately, mostly on facebook and you see classmates come back with a bling on their fingers and a hyphenated name. but this one belongs to my my closest roommate from college who i loved a lot. who i also talked about during my post about her choosing her church people as 90% of her guests at the wedding as well as her maid of honor and bridesmaids.
So i left work early on friday to be at her wedding rehearsal and dinner. and we all spent the night at her bridal suite. the whole time it felt somewhat surreal to me. When my other roommate Linda got married a month ago yes i felt bad during the wedding, but not horrible. This time, i felt like things are going to change from this point on. for multiple reasons, but i also know that it somewhat signifies something bigger than the wedding itself.
To make long story short, yes, i was annoyed at the fact that 90% of the party was made up by her church group. i was not too thrilled about having to stand in the extreme cold while they recited chapters from the bible, sang songs praising the Lord, and preached about Christianity to believers and non-believers. and the fact they said something about her life as a 'sinner' before she joined the church and met her husband. the fact that they talked about the duty as wife. the fact that they only met for such a short time and the the priest was making it sound like the greatest love ever and that their union is approved by the Lord. and the fact that we went to a PHO place for wedding rehearsal. the fact that her fiance was only nicer to people from her church and made rude comments about my other roommate because she wouldn't dance hip-hop during our practice for their reception entrance.
but all those feelings I could overlook. My friend looked beautiful in her dress, and when we helped her put it on in the morning I acutally got a bit teary because it was like giving a friend away. Then when I saw her with her dad again I got really sad, thinking about how my dad so wants to see us down the aisle and gives us away, but it most likely won't happen in the near future. Her dad is normally a stern man, and i know that he hasn't really approved of her fiance. and her fiance, being the way he is, probably couldn't care less to impress him (being someone outside of the church who can also potentially hinder my friend's walk to God).
Finally, during the reception, I cried when I saw her dance with her dad, i also got teary when I danced with her and her husband (separately). I knew exactly why i was upset (although I hid it really well throughout). during the maid of the honor speech and the best man speech i knew the truth. I jsut didn't tell it. I said "congratulations" only on every thing i bought them or wrote for them because i didnt' have anything more to say.
The truth is, these people only loved her after she's joined her church. If she didn't make that choice, or decided to leave the church, there would be no 'brotherhood' or 'sisterhood' left. I knew my freind since almost 8 years ago, and i loved her as a friend with or without her religion. i was there when she fell, when she was struggling with her career and school, when she broke up with her ex, when she moved to SD, when she got a new job, when she joined a church. I was the one who care about her the most. and yet i know once she's married into this community, our lives wouldn't be the same anymore. That's why i cried.
Of course, the fact that I was flying into Vegas for a million job interviews didn't help either. everyone's settled, and yet my career has barely started. I am fighting for a spot among the men, i have no prospect for marriage or children. and i think that made me very sad as well during the reception. I wanted all those love songs for my reception.
last wedding of 2009. i'm glad i survived.
2009年12月10日 星期四
What a weekend (1) - Let the Ass-kissing fest begin!
Ok, finally I have endured and survived the long-awaited wedding-filled and interview-filled weekend, and there's more things i want to update than i have time for. In fact, I really should be sleeping right now. After about 5 days of non-stop craziness. Some of the worst-case scenarios revolving airline travel has happened to me (not just one but TWO). But I will get to that later. this is why i'm numbering my post today. I had wanted to do this in chronological order, but I suppose in the end I decided to do them in the order of importance. So since I have been talking about fellowships and interviews incessantly for the past like, 6 months. I'm going to get into that first.
Like I mentioned before, I had arranged for around 10 interviews to be completed prior to my arrival to the conference. I already knew that THAT was going to be crazy. but when i actually got there, I signed up for the most famous program - Rutge*'s - which is associated with a multitude of some of the most famous drug companies in the world. and it was then my weekend got REAL interesting. So typically u do only one (at most two) interview during the 3 day period while you are at the conference. Most of them only see you once and go from there. If they like you enough, they might fly you out to an on-site interview. and if the programs are a little more snobby, they require a second interview at the conference. it may be booked within the same day, or a day later, but the earlier the better. But not with Rutger's. 99% of the companies associated with this program want to see you THREE friggin times before they will put on their glasses and decide who among these candidates who made it to the third round they would like to see again at their company in a couple weeks. not two, THREE interviews. So basically, they assume that your schedule is wide open. you have nothing to do in vegas but prop your feet up in your hotel room waiting for their call back. if you can't make it, too bad. and you go from interviewing with the current fellow, to last year's fellow and HR, to the top managers in the department. So with each round there is more at stake and therefore my sweat inducing. and some of the fellows of course acted like they were some big shots (because they beat out the other 250 candidates last year and made it, apparently). And the managers just stare at you, trying to induce anxienty (althoug that rarely works on me, if i dont get it, whatever, i dont need to work with a prick in the as*). So luckily, with my little background in the industry and ability to BS my way through most of it, i made it through all three rounds with all of the positions I applied for. (i'm only talking about Rutger's here.) Then you get this EXCLUSIVE invitation to their reception. i did not realize the importance of these recpetions until i was told by the fellows and the other applicants that this is THE event i need to be at. it's the time for you to network and to really show your interest in this program. so i had to move the time of my flight, and let the ass kissing game begin.
I knew what i was going to see. and that aspect of it actually induced more anxiety in me than the actual pain-staking interviews themselves. It all comes down to who's the biggest brown noser. of course we like to think that ' let your personality shine.' Well, my personality is, I am the way I am. I am sociable and I am likeable and I want this job and I will let you know that. but i'm not going to act like my life is going to be over or you're the most awesome person I've met because you have something I want.
So to get back to the story, I postponed my flight to 2 hours later so I could attend the reception. The room was packed with applicants (of course makes you wonder how EXCLUSIVE this thing really is). Then as soon as everybody entered the room, the ass-kissing fest was so thick I could cut it with a knife. I of course found some of the people I had interviewed with, and greeted them and basically let them know that I wouldn't be able to make it to tomorrow's OTHER reception because I can't afford to spend another night in vegas. then I also was circulating to see if i can keep up my temporary sociability. Then i joined a few conversations. some guy was being so disgusting, gushing about how much he LOVED the position (to the current fellow who was talking to us both), and that he was the class president and recounting his accomplishments and reinstating how much he'd love to be considered (while i was going for the same job as well). i literally wanted to roll my eyes so badly. I'm sure that guy will go far with his disgusting flattery, but that's not how i roll.
for one, i'm not intimidated by these powersuits and the male-dominated industry route. and frankly I was quite sick with the whole process and exclusivity they purposely created with this program. Yes, i do want to work in the industry. and i do find it interesting what they do. but i dont love it enough that i'm willing to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. the whole deal with having THREE interviews to just be considered for a position you have to fly out for and still rejects you in the end is not that worth it. looking at the sea of applicants, my chances are like one in a million. industry has only become popular these past couple years, so how were the other positions in teh company filled? well, these people just interviewed. not three times. they did it the normal way. it's only recently when industry become 'hot', that they are creating these little banquets that less than qualified people are not allowed in, and once you get in, you have to 'network' like crazy and follow the whole process with hand-written thank-you cards (i'm not kidding, everyone was writing them, even when i was stuffing myself with salads during lunch time over the three days). so how far will this go? pretty soon i'll have to start giving Thank-You foot-massages. I may even have to start unbutton my shirt to get ahead. does it have to be like this people? It's always because one person starts doing it, and everyone follows, that it makes you look bad if you dont sent a card right away or flatter them like crazy during the 'reception'.
Yes I would like to have the job, but at what cost? Working with such people who think they are superior than others? with people who will do anything to get ahead? with people with super type-A personality? TRaveling across the country away from friends and family? have no good variety of food around and in the middle of nowhere in New Jersey? I wanted it because I believed industry people are less crazy than most pharmacy students who are super intense and cut-throat. but it's pretty much the same everywhere now, when the economy is bad.
To cut long story short, not ALL programs are like this. some of the smaller companies I interviewed with were very nice and down-to-earth, and they made me feel pretty comfortable and not an inch tall during the interview. However these are programs that i want less.
In a way i was very glad that i made it this far. I basically sailed through 8/day x 3 days = 24 interviews during the past 3 days. and i lived. and i only did things that did not work against my moral. i dont need the jobs so bad i need to compromise the type of person i am. but honestly the process did leave a bad taste in my mouth. I knew a couple people who were also interviewing from my school, as well as some of the current fellows who were graduates from our school. But that did not give me any benefit since i dont really bond with these people anyway. in fact, i dont talk to half of them and we are not friends to the point that we dont say hi to each other. but i made it through all the interviews and performed to my best and had some VERY encouraging comments from the interviewers. and i did this w/o having to do all of the above things which i find so disgusting. i hate the word 'networking'. when you 'network', people you meet are your 'contacts' you want 'something' from. and if they are no longer of use to you, you act like they do not exist. but that is not how i roll. but i can tell this strategy has worked very well for some of our past alums (and my unwillingness to association with them will bite me in the ass one day i'm sure).
Anyway. I finished them all. all twenty-four excruciating interviews plus one reception (two unattended). i did it to my best ability, and i have no regrets.
Like I mentioned before, I had arranged for around 10 interviews to be completed prior to my arrival to the conference. I already knew that THAT was going to be crazy. but when i actually got there, I signed up for the most famous program - Rutge*'s - which is associated with a multitude of some of the most famous drug companies in the world. and it was then my weekend got REAL interesting. So typically u do only one (at most two) interview during the 3 day period while you are at the conference. Most of them only see you once and go from there. If they like you enough, they might fly you out to an on-site interview. and if the programs are a little more snobby, they require a second interview at the conference. it may be booked within the same day, or a day later, but the earlier the better. But not with Rutger's. 99% of the companies associated with this program want to see you THREE friggin times before they will put on their glasses and decide who among these candidates who made it to the third round they would like to see again at their company in a couple weeks. not two, THREE interviews. So basically, they assume that your schedule is wide open. you have nothing to do in vegas but prop your feet up in your hotel room waiting for their call back. if you can't make it, too bad. and you go from interviewing with the current fellow, to last year's fellow and HR, to the top managers in the department. So with each round there is more at stake and therefore my sweat inducing. and some of the fellows of course acted like they were some big shots (because they beat out the other 250 candidates last year and made it, apparently). And the managers just stare at you, trying to induce anxienty (althoug that rarely works on me, if i dont get it, whatever, i dont need to work with a prick in the as*). So luckily, with my little background in the industry and ability to BS my way through most of it, i made it through all three rounds with all of the positions I applied for. (i'm only talking about Rutger's here.) Then you get this EXCLUSIVE invitation to their reception. i did not realize the importance of these recpetions until i was told by the fellows and the other applicants that this is THE event i need to be at. it's the time for you to network and to really show your interest in this program. so i had to move the time of my flight, and let the ass kissing game begin.
I knew what i was going to see. and that aspect of it actually induced more anxiety in me than the actual pain-staking interviews themselves. It all comes down to who's the biggest brown noser. of course we like to think that ' let your personality shine.' Well, my personality is, I am the way I am. I am sociable and I am likeable and I want this job and I will let you know that. but i'm not going to act like my life is going to be over or you're the most awesome person I've met because you have something I want.
So to get back to the story, I postponed my flight to 2 hours later so I could attend the reception. The room was packed with applicants (of course makes you wonder how EXCLUSIVE this thing really is). Then as soon as everybody entered the room, the ass-kissing fest was so thick I could cut it with a knife. I of course found some of the people I had interviewed with, and greeted them and basically let them know that I wouldn't be able to make it to tomorrow's OTHER reception because I can't afford to spend another night in vegas. then I also was circulating to see if i can keep up my temporary sociability. Then i joined a few conversations. some guy was being so disgusting, gushing about how much he LOVED the position (to the current fellow who was talking to us both), and that he was the class president and recounting his accomplishments and reinstating how much he'd love to be considered (while i was going for the same job as well). i literally wanted to roll my eyes so badly. I'm sure that guy will go far with his disgusting flattery, but that's not how i roll.
for one, i'm not intimidated by these powersuits and the male-dominated industry route. and frankly I was quite sick with the whole process and exclusivity they purposely created with this program. Yes, i do want to work in the industry. and i do find it interesting what they do. but i dont love it enough that i'm willing to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. the whole deal with having THREE interviews to just be considered for a position you have to fly out for and still rejects you in the end is not that worth it. looking at the sea of applicants, my chances are like one in a million. industry has only become popular these past couple years, so how were the other positions in teh company filled? well, these people just interviewed. not three times. they did it the normal way. it's only recently when industry become 'hot', that they are creating these little banquets that less than qualified people are not allowed in, and once you get in, you have to 'network' like crazy and follow the whole process with hand-written thank-you cards (i'm not kidding, everyone was writing them, even when i was stuffing myself with salads during lunch time over the three days). so how far will this go? pretty soon i'll have to start giving Thank-You foot-massages. I may even have to start unbutton my shirt to get ahead. does it have to be like this people? It's always because one person starts doing it, and everyone follows, that it makes you look bad if you dont sent a card right away or flatter them like crazy during the 'reception'.
Yes I would like to have the job, but at what cost? Working with such people who think they are superior than others? with people who will do anything to get ahead? with people with super type-A personality? TRaveling across the country away from friends and family? have no good variety of food around and in the middle of nowhere in New Jersey? I wanted it because I believed industry people are less crazy than most pharmacy students who are super intense and cut-throat. but it's pretty much the same everywhere now, when the economy is bad.
To cut long story short, not ALL programs are like this. some of the smaller companies I interviewed with were very nice and down-to-earth, and they made me feel pretty comfortable and not an inch tall during the interview. However these are programs that i want less.
In a way i was very glad that i made it this far. I basically sailed through 8/day x 3 days = 24 interviews during the past 3 days. and i lived. and i only did things that did not work against my moral. i dont need the jobs so bad i need to compromise the type of person i am. but honestly the process did leave a bad taste in my mouth. I knew a couple people who were also interviewing from my school, as well as some of the current fellows who were graduates from our school. But that did not give me any benefit since i dont really bond with these people anyway. in fact, i dont talk to half of them and we are not friends to the point that we dont say hi to each other. but i made it through all the interviews and performed to my best and had some VERY encouraging comments from the interviewers. and i did this w/o having to do all of the above things which i find so disgusting. i hate the word 'networking'. when you 'network', people you meet are your 'contacts' you want 'something' from. and if they are no longer of use to you, you act like they do not exist. but that is not how i roll. but i can tell this strategy has worked very well for some of our past alums (and my unwillingness to association with them will bite me in the ass one day i'm sure).
Anyway. I finished them all. all twenty-four excruciating interviews plus one reception (two unattended). i did it to my best ability, and i have no regrets.
訂閱：
文章 (Atom)
